When I was younger, there were societal trends that used to be fun.
People would follow a fashion trend, or there might be a new fad diet to try.
Now, there is a new trend that I see. No one has anything positive to say about dating and relationships anymore.
It has evolved into the battle of the sexes.
Men and women are on various platforms speaking about how the problems we see in dating and relationships fall to the fault of one of the two groups.
On a micro-scale, people dread the thought of dating because of the narrative surrounding this dating sphere.
It’s time to put an end to it all.
I know the trend started as a method to empower men and women, but it has pinned us against each other and created a feeling of hopelessness in the dating market.
It has gone further and crept into existing relationships.
People are looking out for their best interests for themselves instead of what will improve their dynamic and help it evolve into an everlasting relationship.
We can break this new mold if we follow a few steps and retain ideas that will help revert relationships to what they were.
Let’s get to work.
Need Vs. Want
I wrote an article a while back, and the core of the message was men and women need each other.
I received a ton of pushback, and it was the “want vs need” argument.
We get off track when we use the want vs need argument because it removes the sense of urgency that men and women should have when dating.
Does that mean we should timeline-date and have boxes like marriage and kids checked off at a societally accepted age? No.
My point is that dating and relationships have become deprioritized, and the definition of option has changed.
No, you don’t have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship or go on a dating spree.
People have associated need with the removal of having options in life.
Conversely, they have associated want with the ability to have all the options in the world available.
It’s a dangerous game.
For example, restaurants with limited options do better than restaurants with pages and pages of options. Choice paralysis.
The idea that options are open, you can pick and choose, slow roll, and that nothing has to be defined has led to choice paralysis.
Am I telling you we need each other like you need food, water, and shelter? No.
We need to reintroduce the idea that men and women need each other.
Studies have shown that people with long-lasting relationships have a longer life expectancy.
We need each other to reproduce and have a two-parent household, which creates the best outcome for the child.
We don’t need anecdotal experiences to show that an independent lifestyle can result in the same outcomes.
Different strokes for different folks
I love that it is not 1960, and we are not bound to the gender norms we once lived by.
A consequence of that is it has thrown off the expectations in relationships.
Traditional relationships are no longer prevalent. As a result, there’s a hurdle in the dating world. Everyone has different expectations in relationships.
Well, this is where I am ok with the thought of options kicking back into play.
Some people are so consumed with their ideology that they resist others’ ideas and new norms and try to convert rather than accept them.
Let’s kill the formal talk for two seconds.
Look here. If something or someone isn’t for you, move on and accept that position, but find the right match for you.
Everyone is so combative today and judgemental of each other’s choices.
Instead of acceptance, there is a battle on what roles should change and which should stick in place.
Some people are not happy with the transition, and that’s fine. Once again, find what’s suitable for you instead of trying to convert people who have changed their minds.
Men and women are on platforms speaking about preferences, morals, and values as if the other set of people is wrong for their ideology.
Now, conversations that were once about progression, new ideals, ambitions, and thought have turned into a battleground riddled with ridicule and insults.
Kill the group think
One thing I see all the time that irks me to my core is that we focus on the minority and not the majority.
Anecdotal and isolated experiences shape people’s worldview, and trends consume the group.
While I am not naive to that occurrence, it has caused a splinter in the dating world.
We think women all want the same type of men and that men only want one woman.
What happens when you walk into the real world? You see interracial couples, less attractive people holding hands with models, and regular everyday people interacting.
When your mind fills with the ideals you see spread across your screen, it leaks into your perception of how people view you and affects your interactions and confidence.
The consequences stack so high that people cannot make it through a conversation.
Beyond that, it has created more insecurity in people who view themselves outside of the elite minority.
What happens when you have people who feel isolated and left out? Resentment builds, and the cycle of anger and frustration with the other party continues.
…
I haven’t given up faith that we can turn this around, but its going to take work and effort from all of us.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash