Being around narcissistic people is not fun at all.
It makes you think that everyone is like them.
But this is not true at all.
The way you’re being treated is inhumane and far from normal. No one with a healthy mind talks like that to someone.
It’s not your fault for being linked to a narcissistic person; you’re just unlucky.
But being around a narcissistic person can teach you positive lessons such as:
- To be never being like them.
- To never have a friend or partner like them.
- To set healthy boundaries and say no.
Should you experience the pain before learning the valuable lessons? Hell no, because no one deserves to suffer around someone.
But you can see the positive in the negative and use it as your strength.
Why? As the famous quote says, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Other than that, you will realize you’ve been lied to by the narcissistic person your whole life.
You used to believe in them and take their insult as a fact without knowing better.
You realize what they say is very selfish and damaging to your mental health.
No healthy people would say hurtful things to you without feeling guilty and the need to apologize immediately.
But narcissistic people would never apologize to you, and these are the five hurtful things a narcissistic person would tell you.
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“Everyone in the family knows you’re different.”
If you’re different than the rest of the family, so what?
Being different makes you stand out, and when you die one day, the mourning family will say:
“She/He was always so special and a unique person.”
You will be memorable to many people by thinking differently and seeing the world from a different perspective.
The sad part is you get bullied while alive but praised while dead.
Most of the time, a narcissistic person comes up with made-up BS. It’s not true, but they are willing to say anything to hurt you.
Sometimes, the family will show you the lie you have been told by telling you what a gifted and intelligent person you are. They would call you once in a while, which is a positive sign that they like you.
Having a deeper conversation with the family will reveal some truth about the narcissistic person.
The family would tell you how the narcissistic person is full of ego, and they start inviting you to their home again.
It’s another sign that they like you.
Don’t believe in the narcissistic person, not even when they say “everyone hates you,” because it’s a made-up lie to make you feel more crazy and alone in this world.
You’re different and unique. Stay that way because once you die, you will regret never being your authentic self and living an authentic life.
In this case, it doesn’t matter what the narcissistic person thinks. They don’t even know who they are anyway.
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“You need to stop overreacting.”
Defending yourself (as you should) is not overreacting; you’re just tired of being treated like garbage when you have done nothing to provoke anyone.
You’re not overreacting; you’re tired of the BS happening.
Having your feelings devalued and ignored is a form of disrespect.
It makes you feel like you’re crazy when you’re being told to stop overreacting.
What it makes you do is that you feel like you’re the crazy one, and they are speaking the truth. You try to change yourself into overreacting less, suppressing your feelings, and stopping listening to your intuition.
You stop listening to your intuition because the narcissist tells you your instinct is wrong, and you should listen to them instead.
You should ask them, “How do you know what’s right for me more than I do?”
They won’t be able to answer that question because you know why? No one knows what’s right for you more than yourself.
The truth is your intuition and body are trying hard to tell you something is wrong with them, not you, but you ignore those messages.
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“Why don’t you just get over with it?”
Traumatic experiences are not something we “just get over with.”
You never forget how somebody made you feel, just like the Maya Angelou quote says;
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I agree with this quote, but I also believe that the things you say and do impact people (in a way, they will never forget).
I will never forget the hurtful things someone told me because it did make me feel miserable and devastated. I will never forget when someone invaded my space with a bad temperament because it made me feel uncomfortable.
These experiences are not something to “just get over with” because we will never forget how they made us feel heartbroken, confused, hurt, and devastated.
In this case, you never forget how a narcissistic person made you feel.
In positive cases, you never forget how a wonderful person made you feel loved, safe and secure.
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“There is something wrong with you.”
Being constantly told that there is something wrong with you is hurtful.
And it makes you want to isolate yourself from the world because you feel like a burden to everyone.
You can challenge them intellectually by asking them questions such as
- “Can you describe what makes me so special?”
- “Show me a psychologist who agrees with what you just said about me.”
^ They will feel challenged to come up with a good reason for their insult, which is very offensive to their pride.
A psychologist would never insult you like a narcissistic person would do. Instead, they would give you tips on taking care of your mental health.
When someone tells you something is wrong with you, it means something is wrong with them, and they hate seeing you as your best self.
They can’t see past their own jealousy.
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“You should be ashamed of yourself.”
Ashamed of what?
Ashamed of being your authentic self and not falling into their manipulation?
The ones who tell you to be ashamed of yourself are full of shame themselves; they just suppress the shame out of pride.
Narcissistic people feel shame but choose to make someone else feel ashamed of something they didn’t do to make themselves feel better.
I have met those types of narcissistic people, they do have feelings and emotions, but they just can’t control their feelings and emotions.
They are unstable and chaotic people.
They will do anything in their power to make you feel ashamed of the sincere person you’ve become.
They wish to be as real as you but can’t because of their lack of courage.
Like I said before, don’t believe in their made-up lies; they don’t know what they are talking about and are confused people lost in their own path.
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The end of the story.
The positive lesson you learn from narcissistic people is that you know what type of person you don’t want in your life.
They teach you to defend yourself and set healthy boundaries for yourself.
You know they are one of those who refuse to change unless they are dying but at that time… It’s too late to change for the better.
The death of a narcissist can either relieve you from the abuse or anger you, making you think of “What could’ve been”
You can try your best to change them, but it will be a challenging 9–5 job where you don’t get the credit you deserve.
I will say, though, that I am proud of you for staying strong in narcissistic abuse.
It makes you think, “I don’t know how I did it, but I did it.”
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(I am not a psychologist. I’m sharing from my own experience and perspective)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Yoann Boyer on Unsplash.