We’ve spent a lot of time discussing things that good men don’t do, as well as things that they need to do better. But we must not forget that there are two sides to relationships and that men need to know what to look out for in women, also. Without fail, every time I publish an article talking about how men ‘should’ act, someone (usually a guy) asks me when I am going to talk about women as well.
The truth is that men are used to pursuing women, so if she shows interest back in our direction, it’s natural to overlook the red flags for the fact that she makes us feel wanted or perhaps how beautiful she is. But we need to discipline ourselves to slow down and be honest – does she display these warning signs?
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She doesn’t appreciate anything.
If you’re the type of man who consistently does little things to make her feel special, it’s equally as important that she is the type of woman who shows, in some way, shape or form, that she appreciates your efforts. There are a lot of men out there who are apathetic in their relationships. If you are not one of them, you deserve someone who is grateful for you.
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Nothing is ever her fault.
A clear red flag is raised by a woman who doesn’t take responsibility for her actions or always tries to place the blame on someone else (especially you).
To take responsibility is to be open to learning from less than perfect judgment and using your experiences to learn and grow. If someone in a relationship is unable to take that first step, the rest will never follow, and growing together will be an arduous and potentially impossible task.
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She keeps you on a (really) tight leash.
You’ve got your friends, interests, and hobbies. It’s natural that there are adjustments to the time spent with these people and things when you enter a relationship, but a relationship is part of life – not the entire thing. If a woman has a hard time letting you keep your individual life when you’re together, she may be too possessive for her own good (and yours).
A woman who truly cares about you will want you to go out and do the things you enjoy, because she knows it makes you happy. This ultimately benefits the relationship.
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She’s inconsistent.
As I said in the introduction here, it’s easy for men to overlook details when it comes to a woman we’re infatuated with. But we need to be honest with ourselves – if someone we’re courting always seems to be canceling or postponing plans, taking forever to answer texts (if at all), or just seems generally disinterested, do yourself a favor and cut the cord.
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You’re the only person she’s nice to.
When you go out to a bar or to dinner, pay attention to how she treats people who work there. I’ve said the same before about men also – if a nice guy isn’t nice to the waiter, then he’s not really a nice guy.
Same goes for women.
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She feels entitled, all the time.
You may find yourself talking to a woman who has been drowned in gifts or attention by previous boyfriends, or even her family. Every woman and man should have steadfast standards for how they deserve to be treated in a relationship, and should never settle for less. But there is a difference between that and expecting a certain level of treatment from someone.
Relationships are a two way street, and if she always expects to come first or to be the priority, it will only leave you exhausted and unappreciated.
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You argue way too much.
Not much of an explanation needed here. It doesn’t matter how much you “love” someone, if they bring more negativity to your life than positivity, you need to let them go.
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Your visions for the future aren’t even close.
Let’s be honest. If you’re entering into a long term relationship, there should be at least a general understanding of what each of you want for your life and your future. There is always room for compromise, but if one of you wants to live in Antarctica and the other wants to live in the African desert, you might be facing some future conflicts.
In other words, if your core values and goals for your life can’t possibly fit together, it’s time to put the puzzle back in the box and move on.
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Originally appeared on James M. Sama’s blog
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Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash
Good thing, such psychos as described here are very rare.
Since we are being constantly misinformed about nearly everything, many women play such tough, independent role – to hide their fears and to fit into the unnatural image of What a Woman Should Be.
With all devastating results.
Then again so many of these women lately just like sleeping around with so many different men all the time. Yeah, that will certainly explain it.
Right. Like you don’t, my bf reminds me “he can sleep with any woman” I don’t argue with him. He is allowed to do so but he isn’t invited back home.
I’m a woman and this article makes me sad. But maybe not for the reason you might think: you see, I’m a laid back chick. I don’t want to own a man, I don’t want his money, I don’t want his baby, I don’t want his house, I can get all those things myself – and if I wound up pregnant by him, guess what: I can still handle it myself. He’s welcome to stop by once in awhile and visit the kid. He doesn’t need to submit half his income the next 18 years to raise it; part of… Read more »
Very interesting
Great article James! A wife who has a relationship with God is a blessing to her husband. She is able to stand at the intersection of his awesomeness and ugliness, and still encourage him to “better his best.” When life deals him a bad hand, she helps him to reshuffle the deck and look at the problem with a new perspective. At the end of the day, a marriage is valued by what a husband and wife are willing to sacrifice for it. ????❤️????????
https://youtu.be/jkQDDlXpGLQ
This sounds like 8 Warning Signs She’s Not the Right Woman for Anybody
Having a complaining attitude is not always good for a woman. Its not appreciatiated to encourage this behaviour. well written.
This is one of the reasons Marriage is so disposable. If This guy in his sweet tux and short trimmed beard would write maybe possible solutions for each of the aspects of his list, maybe he could start contributing to the solution rather than the problem.
We hadn’t even been married a year yet and lately she has been acting like most of the ways that are mentioned in this story. Now we are separated heading for a divorce. I just can’t deal with her anymore. I tried to work things out with her several time but nothings changed.
If she has a Career and is very High Maintenance, don’t bother at all.
Hi I’m in similar situation as last post. Once the sex dried up a year ago I knew the writing was on the wall. Trying to muddle it through for the kids but the hatred has set in now. I only wished I had done something earlier to prevent this or had got out sooner..
Ah man… Thats touch. Cant you talk about your needs with her??
I feel you. On this issue, I was once in a relationship that looked great but it was forced. Because she was really gorgeous and I thought I’d never have a beautiful woman like that again! So I pushed throughall the hurt and the pain and even the warnings my friends were throwing my way. Should’ve listened but ended up crashing and burning in the relationship. So the regret of not getting out sooner is widespread. And YES people will make you look bad by saying well you shouldn’t quit the relationship. If you are truly unhappy, and being hurt… Read more »
Your write up describes my relationship of about 30 years. I left for the university 6 months after we met by which time she was pregnant. We had our 2nd child 3 years later when i was writing my last exams. All this time she was living with my brother’s wife with whom she was always quarreling. We started living together after 5, years during which “i did not know her”. Not too long i started noticing that she always want to be the one in charge. I cannot win an argument with her as she always wanted it her… Read more »
The ones who will never trust you are the ones to avoid. That means ones who constantly ask you about ex-girlfriends but never understand that there was a reason you broke up years previously. They will also try to force you into abandoning female friends who you’ve known for years (including during your single days) and who you’ve always had a platonic relationship with and never a romantic one. If you try to include them so that they can see there’s nothing going on behind their back, they will be embarrassingly bitchy to the point that you never want to… Read more »
Sounds exactly to me like my ex-husband. Married 18 long years. Didn’t start out this way at all. But soon after the red flags kept popping up. Beford I knew it, I found myself being alienated from friend’s I had forever. My family. Anything I had plans to do without him ended after the arguing just was too much. Then the accusations of my being unfaithful. (saying helo to a male neighbor across the street)! Nothing was good enough. Ever. Always wanted the next best anything. I could go on and on. 18 years! And I thought 10 were good… Read more »
#9. Never making your relationship a priority.
You know what I mean. There’s always something else that’s more important, no matter how much you try and readjust your plans and goals.
This of course goes hand in hand with the inconcistency and entitlement points above. But it’s a pretty obvious litmus test.
And this too goes for all kinds of people, of course.
And what happens if we aready have a child?
Couples therapy with a therapist who can truly help. Try to solve the problems, build new healthy systems, and forgive the past as you move to a healthier new version of your couple hood.
If there’s abuse, you get out, of course, if you can.
I had a gf too. Broke up easily. I was her first relationship, and she was my third. She cud never take the fact that I have been with someone before. And all she did was argue with me, hurt me and make me feel bad. Even when we had fights ,simple fights and it always escalated to break up and very very harsh words from her. I was almost always criticised for not being rich or good enuf. It was difficult to stay cause if I am going to say my heart out she wud feel bad. I was… Read more »
My list is not exhaustive: She argues too much over anything and everything no matter how trivia. She accuses you of anything real or imaginary and makes everything no matter how minor, a major felony. Gets angry over anything and everything real, imaginary, and no matter how trivia. Nothing you do will ever please her. Bullies you every chance she gets She is never nice to you. She doesn’t know anything about using tact and diplomacy when it comes to resolving problems and doesn’t want to hear what she has to say to you. Always running off with her mouth… Read more »
Yes. Succinct. Thank you. I’ve lived those and can vouch.
Just too many Career women out there nowadays that carry their Greed And Selfishness around with them everywhere they go now that they will only want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less.