We’ve spent a lot of time discussing things that good men don’t do, as well as things that they need to do better. But we must not forget that there are two sides to relationships and that men need to know what to look out for in women, also. Without fail, every time I publish an article talking about how men ‘should’ act, someone (usually a guy) asks me when I am going to talk about women as well.
The truth is that men are used to pursuing women, so if she shows interest back in our direction, it’s natural to overlook the red flags for the fact that she makes us feel wanted or perhaps how beautiful she is. But we need to discipline ourselves to slow down and be honest – does she display these warning signs?
She doesn’t appreciate anything.
If you’re the type of man who consistently does little things to make her feel special, it’s equally as important that she is the type of woman who shows, in some way, shape or form, that she appreciates your efforts. There are a lot of men out there who are apathetic in their relationships. If you are not one of them, you deserve someone who is grateful for you.
Nothing is ever her fault.
A clear red flag is raised by a woman who doesn’t take responsibility for her actions or always tries to place the blame on someone else (especially you).
To take responsibility is to be open to learning from less than perfect judgment and using your experiences to learn and grow. If someone in a relationship is unable to take that first step, the rest will never follow, and growing together will be an arduous and potentially impossible task.
She keeps you on a (really) tight leash.
You’ve got your friends, interests, and hobbies. It’s natural that there are adjustments to the time spent with these people and things when you enter a relationship, but a relationship is part of life – not the entire thing. If a woman has a hard time letting you keep your individual life when you’re together, she may be too possessive for her own good (and yours).
A woman who truly cares about you will want you to go out and do the things you enjoy, because she knows it makes you happy. This ultimately benefits the relationship.
As I said in the introduction here, it’s easy for men to overlook details when it comes to a woman we’re infatuated with. But we need to be honest with ourselves – if someone we’re courting always seems to be canceling or postponing plans, taking forever to answer texts (if at all), or just seems generally disinterested, do yourself a favor and cut the cord.
You’re the only person she’s nice to.
When you go out to a bar or to dinner, pay attention to how she treats people who work there. I’ve said the same before about men also – if a nice guy isn’t nice to the waiter, then he’s not really a nice guy.
Same goes for women.
She feels entitled, all the time.
You may find yourself talking to a woman who has been drowned in gifts or attention by previous boyfriends, or even her family. Every woman and man should have steadfast standards for how they deserve to be treated in a relationship, and should never settle for less. But there is a difference between that and expecting a certain level of treatment from someone.
Relationships are a two way street, and if she always expects to come first or to be the priority, it will only leave you exhausted and unappreciated.
You argue way too much.
Not much of an explanation needed here. It doesn’t matter how much you “love” someone, if they bring more negativity to your life than positivity, you need to let them go.
Your visions for the future aren’t even close.
Let’s be honest. If you’re entering into a long term relationship, there should be at least a general understanding of what each of you want for your life and your future. There is always room for compromise, but if one of you wants to live in Antarctica and the other wants to live in the African desert, you might be facing some future conflicts.
In other words, if your core values and goals for your life can’t possibly fit together, it’s time to put the puzzle back in the box and move on.
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Originally appeared on James M. Sama’s blog