Fun. Such a short word so full of promise. What is fun anyway? Webster defines it as “what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically: playful often boisterous action or speech.” Fun is something enjoyable and a larger than usual experience of action or speech.
It seems that most people seek out fun of some sort, be it at the amusement park, playing a sport, telling jokes, or even quieter moments could be described as fun. For example, going to the opera, yoga, or playing chess. Each person’s definition of fun could be different.
Fun can be had with others or by one’s self. Playing with a yo-yo could be immensely fun for that person. However, in relationship, success occurs when both partners are having fun. If only one person is having fun, it’s not going to last.
Fun tends to occur a lot at the beginning of the relationship and then tends to diminish over time. This is a sad state of affairs and we have all sorts of reasons to justify why this occurs. We are too busy, the kids are our focus, we’re tired, and on and on.
I am talking about the loss of fun in what would otherwise be a healthy relationship. Having said that, the quicker you realize fun is leaving the relationship the quicker you can address the situation. It is a barometer of how you are doing, not only in the relationship, but possibly in life. Similarly, if there is fun everywhere in your life but not in the relationship — that should tell you something.
A relationship without fun is boring and possibly soul destroying. We say, “where did the love go,” but I say, “where did the fun go?” This does not mean you can’t be serious, it just means you know how to enjoy yourself.
Being in a state of fun is available to us at any time. It may require an act of will but it is within reach for anyone who is willing to play or be playful. When was the last time you were playful with your partner? If it has been a while, now is the time to think about it and make a choice. A choice to bring fun back into the relationship.
Indeed, this is what happened to my partner and me last week. Her birthday was coming up, and to celebrate, we were going out of town for a day trip. I had planned a massage at a spa in the mountains followed by dinner at a great restaurant.
We woke up early, or relatively early as she worked the night before, and right from the beginning we made a pledge. We had never done this before but somehow the idea of having fun came up. “Are you having fun?” became our mantra for the day.
This shift in consciousness made all the difference. My partner did not have the best sleep and she could easily have been grouchy, but whenever I asked her “Are we having fun?” she could not help but laugh and feel better. It became a game.
Throughout the day, whenever there was a lull in what we were experiencing, the drive up to the mountains, stopping for a washroom break, getting some food, one of us would pop the question, “Are we having fun?”
Inevitably we would laugh, admit whatever was going on, like we were lost in some negative thought, and recommit to being in the space of fun. And it worked.
We had a whole day of fun. Who knew that was possible. We laughed, enjoyed the great outdoors, soaked in the heat of the hot pools, relaxed, and then ate great food. Even when it rained we enjoyed and had fun. Nothing was going to get in our way.
It was such a simple thing yet it made a huge difference.
If you want to have fun again in your relationship, talk to your partner. Say not only what you want, but show them the vision of a happier state. Start with one day. Discover the joy of fun with your partner and then try another day and then another. Who knows, it may become a way of life.
Here’s to FUN!!!
By Steven Lake