This comment was made by Jay on the post “My Wife Sets Up Hoops – I Jump – I Miss – What Now?” by Steve Horsmon.
I agree and disagree with this. Absolutely you must set your own hoops. That’s your responsibility in your own life. No one else can do it for you. But also… she is responsible for setting her own… NOT yours. There are two people at fault for this situation and somehow you both agreed to it. She agreed to set your hoops.. you agreed to jump through them. Changing the rules now will undoubtedly lead to tension… at the very least. In my view, these learned behaviors need to be addressed directly. You might have a PHD is hoop jumping.. but she has the PHD in setting them up. My biggest question is… whats the pay off of this hoop jumping ballet? Are you keeping the peace? Giving her evidence that you love her? (and when you fail that you don’t love her) This behavior is motivated by something… and a false something I’m willing to bet. Deciding to stop hoop jumping one day isn’t going to do it… there’s two of you involved… and so two of you must make this decision.
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