“How could you call someone the love of your life while you’ve only been with them for less than 3 months?”
Hmm. Tina was right. Turned out he wasn’t “the one”.
I hated to admit that it was nothing more than just one of those guys I got emotionally attached to too soon with.
Knowing you could fall in love (and also commit) to someone in seconds is one thing.
But breaking the habit and avoiding making the same mistake? It’s a lot harder.
The hyper-focus attention
“What this means is usually after some time when their love bombing period is over, you’ll still put in the same effort and energy.”
It’s no surprise people who get emotionally attached too fast are the ones with a deep anxious attachment issue.
I was one of them and I can tell you dating life was far from fun.
You don’t even need to meet the “perfect” person to trigger it. It all usually starts with the love bombing. If someone shows you intense love and attention, you’ll take the bait — no doubt.
What this means is usually after some time when their love bombing period is over, you’ll still put in the same effort and energy.
You’ll be the one who calls them, texts them, initiate any meetups, and does anything that keeps the relationship going.
You’re so hyper-focused on the person and the relationship that you no longer see it when they stop putting in the work.
This then leads me to the next point…
Red flags? Didn’t really see them 🤷♀️
The majority of people who invested emotionally too fast tend to ignore the red flags.
They either think they can change the person or the “how bad can it be?” type of approach.
Here are some early red flags in case you aren’t familiar yet:
- Saying “I love you” when it’s just only 5th date
- Constantly calling/texting you but nothing at all after a short period of time
- Always bringing up their ex in every conversation — although they also claim they’re so over their past relationship
- Showing some bad behaviors such as gaslighting, the silent treatment, and disrespecting you
These things aren’t normal.
Not everyone (especially the ones who are looking for a long-term relationship) has those red flags.
Just because you’ve had bad luck in scoring good people on dating apps, doesn’t mean you should settle for less.
Opening the door for just ONE person
“You don’t just commit to someone you met two weeks ago.”
As you can already tell, dating with an anxious attachment style isn’t fun. Because you have this habit of closing all the doors once you like one person.
Of course, eventually, that’s what you want to do. But not when you’re still on the talking stage. You don’t just commit to someone you met two weeks ago.
Especially when you’re on a dating app, there’s no point in not connecting with other potential partners when you have all the options right there.
While I’m not big on “dating rules”, I still think it’s not practical to invest in one person when you don’t even know if they want the same thing as you do.
Building that trust and connection can take time. And let’s not forget that just because you’re an open book, that doesn’t mean the other person is the same.
My boyfriend who’s an introvert took 6 months to finally open up about his life and struggles.
Without knowing their true colors, any investment be it emotional or physical isn’t worth it.
The La La Land obsession
“That’s why when the “honeymoon phase” is over, they’ll try so hard to bring it back.”
One of my old habits includes staring at the sky while romanticizing how great I’d feel when I’m in a relationship.
Seriously, I could do it for hours and hours. Pretty much a waste of time — if I’d be completely honest.
I was also obsessed with a happy ending type of fairy tale.
Ugh. So naive.
No wonder when a guy said he liked me too, I was ready to give him everything. This might sound crazy for people who’s always been feeling secure in dating, but I’m not alone.
This exact habit of obsessing over a happy ending happens to many people with attachment issues.
That’s why when the “honeymoon phase” is over, they’ll try so hard to bring it back.
They find it hard to accept that love isn’t as magical as it is in their head. People get bored and can leave anytime.
The sad thing? You can’t do anything to change their mind. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go.
Where should we go for our family vacation?
Let’s be honest, people who get emotionally too attached too soon tend to get ahead of themselves.
3 months in and they already think about future plans.
Are you kidding me?
This habit is dangerous because you don’t even know if your partner is thinking the same.
And if it turns out you and your partner aren’t on the same page, it’ll be harder for you to move on. That’s also why the most common phrase you’ll hear from them is this:
“I thought this person is the one!”
The truth is, there’s no such thing as the “one”. especially when you just met them a couple of months ago.
So overall, planning big things ahead before building a strong connection with your partner isn’t recommended.
It might take years for you to get rid of those bad habits in dating. It might even take two more heartbreaks before you get that realization and decide,
“OK, enough is enough — time for a change.”
A dating hiatus was something that worked for me. This means no dating, no thinking about men, no stressing about a crush, nothing.
Just go straight focusing on my career and mental health. Something magical inside you (I wish I exaggerated this) happens when you just enjoy life.
There are lots of pressure and stress in trying to get into or maintain any romantic relationships. If you don’t take a break, you’ll lose sight of who you’re fast.
So before that happens to you (as it happened to me many times), go take that dating hiatus and maybe take a few solo trips.
You never know.
The best thing always happens when you least expect it right? 🙃
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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