DEVIL’S DICTIONARY, 2025 REVISION
The original Devil’s Dictionary, written by American journalist Ambrose Bierce in the early 20th century, is a satirical glossary consisting of common words followed by humorous and cynical definitions. The following addendum is assembled by Don & Matthew Mathis, inspired by a digital creation from Jennifer Elizabeth.
Administration – Regime
All Lives Matter – A slogan used to dismiss or undermine concerns of the Black Lives Matter movement
Antifa – World War Two Veterans, anti-fascists
Art of the Deal – Deny, deny, deny
Asylum Seeker – see Illegal Alien
Authoritarianism – Replacement for U.S. system of checks and balances
Baby Bonus – Bribe to raise the birth rate
Biden’s Fault – Catch-all phrase for all of Trump’s problems
Blue Lives Matter – A pro-police ideology that emphasizes the superiority of the lives of law enforcement
Border Wall – Costly barrier to a free market economy
China – Trump’s Boogieman
Christian Nationalism – Anti-Christian
Communist – Archaic Russian Government
Conservative – Enemy of the United States
Constitutional Crisis – Treason
Critical Race Theory (CRT) – History
Cryptocurrency – Money Laundering
Democrat – American
Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) – System of money and identity theft
Deportation – Abduction
Detention Center – Concentration Camp
Difference of Opinion – Difference of Morality
Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) – opposite of conformity, injustice, and segregation
Due process – an archaic principle in law, once used to ensure fair legal procedures
Elon Musk – The immigrant that came to take your job
Emolument – Bribe
Executive Order – Royal Decree
Extraordinary Rendition – State-sponsored Abduction
Fake News – A viewpoint in opposition of the president
Fascism – Authoritarian government kleptocracy
Favor – see Emolument
Foreign Prison – Concentration Camp
Gaza – Capital of western hypocrisy and double standards
Gift – see Emolument
Goon Squad – see Immigration and Customs Enforcement
Graft – Lawful theft on a large scale
Grift – Lawful theft on a small scale
Gulf of America – Gulf of Mexico
ICE Arrests – Kidnappings
Illegal Alien – Legal asylum or citizenship seeker, often hired by illegal white sponsors
Immigrant – Essential worker in factories, fields, farms, and families
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) – 1) Mercenaries, 2) Kidnapping Ring
Insider Trading – Lawful theft
January 6 Insurrectionists – Stochastic Terrorists
Kleptocracy – 1) Corporate theft of middle- and lower-class resources, 2) Tax-cheats
MAGA Donor – Mega-Rich
Militia Groups – Terrorist Gangs
Mount McKinley – Denali
News (FOX, WSJ) – Fascist Propaganda
News (CNN, NYT) – Rightwing Propaganda
News (NPR, PBS) – Centrist Propaganda
News (The Nation, Heather Cox Richardson) – Investigative journalism, accurate reportage
Oligarchy – Ruling aristocracy of the U.S.
Patriotism – Betrayal of America
Presidency – Dictatorship
Presidential Pardon – Travesty of justice
Public Broadcasting – Electronic media outlet primarily focused on public service
Reducing Federal Waste – Purposeful institutional sabotage
Religion (State-Sponsored) –Christofascism
Religion (Catholic) – Woke Pope Cult
Republic – 1) Democracy, 2) an outmoded system emphasizing individual liberty, limited government, and the rule of law
Republicans – Organized crime syndicate
Right-Winger – see Conservative
School Voucher – Monetary drain on public schools
Socialism – System which builds and supports roads, bridges, schools, museums, fire departments, police, military, etc.
Spending Cuts (Medicaid or Social Security) – Death panels aimed at the poor
Spending Cuts (All Other Agencies) – Redistribution of money to MAGA donors
Tariff – 1) Trump Tax, 2) Price Gouging
Trump Derangement Syndrome – Blind unwavering support for the president
Trump Supporters – Cult Members
Woke – 1) Opposite of asleep, 2) capable of possessing compassion and/or intelligence
Zero – Chances of Republicans understanding anything here
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
