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Autism is an interesting topic in the world of mental health. It’s been studied for years, yet is like the tween of conditions in that we’re learning more about autism and what it really means all the time and yet, when we look closely we find that we really don’t understand it at all.
I was out of high school nearly ten years before autism was even discussed at the school-age level and Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of high functioning autism and what I’ve been diagnosed with, wasn’t a thing for another three or four years after that. As if that wasn’t crazy enough, there was no such thing as a spectrum to even be on until 2015!
This is what I mean about autism being like a tween. It’s a young ever-changing condition that’s trying to find its rightful place in the world of mental health. Just when it thinks it knows what’s going on, new information is found and the tween goes back to being just as confused as they were before.
I’m a high functioning autistic (HFA) adult. In this column, we’ll discuss what’s going on in the world of autism and the mental health traits that go along with it. I’m 52 and was diagnosed at 46, not when I was in school, so I am not young enough to have grown up on the autism spectrum.
Regardless of my age, I have always been subject to mass tormenting, name-calling, bullying and other assorted shenanigans from teachers, classmates, co-workers, and employers. Not Weird, Just Autistic is my brand and my mantra. Thanks to my award-winning purple goatee, now I’m both.
In this column, we’ll discuss my journey from childhood through today where I sit at my desk as both an autism advocate for those high school level through adult, and as an autism author with one book currently published and another several in the pipeline. We’ll also discuss the stories others face and how they’ve dealt with the emotional roller coaster their lives are likely on.
Let me address an issue those who have a thing for grammar may be wondering about: We capitalize the “A” in Asperger’s because it’s named after an Austrian pediatrician, Dr. Hans Asperger. I spelled the words, “autism,” “autistic,” and “spectrum” without capitalizing the first letter; they are medical terminology and don’t need to be capitalized.
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Autism is My Superpower
Autism Is My Superpower is the name of a book I’m writing to discuss my journey from twenty-year freelance writer, blogger and a regular contributor to Good Men Project to a five-year break from GMP and the decision to change my focus to write solely about autism.
My journey has taken me from a weird kid who didn’t know he was autistic to a weird adult with a purple goatee who not only knows he’s autistic but is proud of who he is and the pieces that make up my life, even if I don’t always like them.
Growing up in Southern California I was part of an All-American nuclear family. My mom and dad were married for forty-six years before my dad passed away from colon cancer and I have one younger brother and we had a little white cockapoo named Snowball.
I had a good life growing up, I’m sure, but to this day, what really sticks out in my mind are the bad memories. I don’t dwell on the bad memories, yet when I think about my childhood the words and phrases I have heard. “Stupid, lazy, and weird” were the favorites of some of my teachers at two different Christian schools from fifth to the twelfth grades. “Not living up to my potential” is something I hear from my mom to this day, as much as it hurts to hear. I know she doesn’t mean it the way I take it.
Because I’m Asperger’s, my brain is on a different wavelength from those who are neurotypical, or NT. That phrase means NTs have a neurologically typical brain, while my brain is neurologically atypical.
Many but not all of us HFA’s tend to be good at problem-solving and math is a great subject for that. Like many of my people, when I got to high school I was good at algebra, but I failed at it semester after semester. Even though I got the answers correct, I didn’t show the work the way the teacher taught it, therefore it was wrong. That simply killed my self-esteem, any desire I had to take further math classes in high school or college and to this day I cringe at the term. You can’t see it, but I’m shuddering right now just thinking about it.
Despite algebra and a journalism teacher who told me to my face and in front of classmates that I should drop journalism because I was no good at it and never would be, I made it through school with my self-esteem somewhat intact, and I was off to the real world.
I’m not sure how someone who is socially awkward, doesn’t particularly enjoy conversations with people I don’t know, and who has generalized anxiety disorder got started selling cars, but I did. However, I came home night after night feeling mentally beat up by my customers, co-workers, and employers. I knew this wasn’t the right field for me, but I didn’t know what was, so I stuck it out.
I’ve been ostracized at work, kicked out of social groups, had a hard time making friends and generally felt like a loner most of my life. It’s hard when you try, but others have no clue what autism is really about and either don’t care to or don’t want to take the time to understand.
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Next week, we will look at the high functioning autistic adult and throw out some statistics that are likely to blow you away.
I want to hear your comments. Are you an adult on the spectrum? Are you a loved one of someone who is? Use the comment section and share your story with us.
I’m happy to announce that I’ll be facilitating The Good Men Project’s weekly Mental Health Social Interest Group calls on Thursday nights beginning at 9 pm Eastern/6 PM Pacific. The details for the call are here:
RSVP for Men’s Mental Health Weekly Calls
Follow this link to the Facebook page for the GMP Men’s Mental Health Group page.
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Photo credit: The author