In our therapy session, I told my therapist Lance, “In many ways, (the late) Mizukami Sensei saved my life.” Sensei was the father that I needed to be a good man. I had suffered through my abusive childhood with my Dad.
Lance said, “I’m glad that you found Mizukami Sensei.”
I replied, “I believe that the universe intended for us (Sensei and me) to meet. Because there is a God…”
I’m not a religious man. Still, I believe in God. No, I don’t go to church on Sunday. On Sunday, I practice Aikido as I’ve done for over 30 years. The dojo was the late Mizukami Sensei’s church. I attended his church every Sunday. I just trained.
Now on Sunday, I just train with Ishibashi Sensei. Mizukami Sensei taught both Sensei and me. We practice Aikido techniques over, and over, and over, and over again. We make the techniques work for ourselves. Sensei works on himself. I work on myself. We don’t work on others. Just saying.
When I was a little boy, Dad scared me to my soul. I wasn’t good enough for Dad. No, I was not good enough for myself, either. Really, I was just so very sad. I couldn’t be sad, because that would mean that I was weak, too. Instead, I got angry. Anger was far easier than sadness. Yes, I was young and stupid. Mostly, I was just sad.
Dad couldn’t love me. I wasn’t good enough for that. So, I spent much of my adult life proving that I was good enough, that I deserved to be loved.
Over 30 years ago, I began training in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei. Sensei taught me Aikido and what it is to be a good man. He saw the greater-than version of me, what I had not yet distinguished. He sincerely got that I had to prove myself. He said, “Just train.” In the space Sensei generated, I had nothing to prove. I could just be me.
Years ago in Sunday morning practice, I worked with 14-year-old Lukas on iriminage (clothesline technique to the head). At the time, I was Yondan (4th degree black belt). Sensei told Lukas, “Show me.” Lukas threw me to the mat using iriminage. He executed the throw with good power.
Sensei said, “You’re a better teacher than me.” Both Lukas and I looked at each other, “WTF?” I said, “I don’t think so.” Sensei smiled, then walked over to help other students.
No, I wasn’t better than Sensei. Hell no. Still, I got his authentic acknowledgement. Sensei had graciously brought me up to his level. That was meaningful. While some wanted “to be like Mike (Jordan)”, I wanted to be like Mizukami Sensei. Sensei inspired me to be the greater man, the better person. I have nothing but mad love and respect for Sensei.
When Sensei passed away, I spoke with his wife Alyce, who was like my mom in Los Angeles. Alyce said that Sensei’s funeral was for family members only. I got it. I said, “I loved Dan (Sensei).” She said, “He loved you, too.” I cried.
During our 25-year journey, Sensei and I never said “I love you” to each other. I believed that Sensei knew I loved him. I knew in my heart he loved me, too. Still hearing “I love you” from Alyce for Sensei made me cry. That touched my soul. Over the years, Sensei opened my heart. I’m so grateful that the universe brought us together. I keep my heart open, too.
O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “The way of the warrior is to give life to all things, to reconcile the world, and to foster the completion of everyone’s journey.” That was Mizukami Sensei for me. He was my samurai. In Japanese, samurai means to serve. Sensei lived a life of service, making a difference for others. I honor his legacy in making a difference for others, as well. All that Sensei bestowed upon me, I pass on. I pass on his enduring love for Aikido and his profound love for people.
I’m always my GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) opponent. I don’t wish my horrific childhood upon even my second-greatest opponent, that being anyone else. The universe found a way to bring Mizukami Sensei and me together. Perhaps an act of fate? Well, I like to think of it as an act of kindness. I waited it out. I took life’s glancing blows. I put in the work. I just train. I have faith. Just saying.
In many ways, the late Mizukami Sensei saved my life. He gave me life. I believe that I gave him life, too. Although Sensei is no longer here on Planet Earth, he still stands beside me and lives in my heart. In the bigger picture, I have faith in the universe. I’m forever grateful that the universe brought Sensei and me together. Again, I’m just saying. Amen.
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