Have you ever been invited to a party that you didn’t want to go to because you’d barely know anyone?
Does the thought of having to start conversations with strangers fill you with anxiety?
If so, this guide is for you. It’s based on my 5+ years of partying as a solo traveller.
Follow these steps and you’ll feel far more comfortable at parties, no matter how many people you know. On top of that, you’ll make a ton of new friends and get invited to more parties in the future.
An important thing to remember about parties
The most important thing to remember about parties is that everyone else feels the same as you. When you enter the room, it might look like everyone is super-comfortable and excited to be there. The truth is: most of us have the same fears about meeting new people.
At some point, everyone had to enter, introduce themselves, make eye contact with strangers and adjust to their surroundings. Few people are comfortable with that.
Most people would love it if a friendly person came to start a conversation with them. Everyone wants to have fun and mingle with cool people at a party, but most of us are scared to make that first move. If you can be the person who helps to create a more social atmosphere, others will love you for that.
How to be the life of the party
Bring something
If it’s a house party, bring food, alcohol or even a fun game! The house owner will thank you and everyone will treat you better because you did that.
It’s much easier to slide into other people’s conversations when you’re offering these things. This can be the ice-breaker that helps you get to know these people.
You can’t bring your own booze into a bar or nightclub, but there are other ice-breakers that can make people excited to talk to you. A unique T-shirt, accessory or prop can often be all it takes.
Build social momentum
It can be anxiety-inducing standing at a party, wanting to talk to someone and not doing it. The longer you remain in this state, the more difficult it gets. That’s why it’s a good idea to start talking to people as soon as you arrive.
These don’t have to be long meaningful conversations. You could pass a quick compliment or ask people how they know the owner. This helps to get you into a social flow state and will make it easier to start conversations throughout the party.
Usually, there are people gathered around the front door at a house party. At a bar, there may be a queue of people and security staff at the entrance. Start conversations with these people and let the social momentum build from there. When you limit the time you spend not speaking to people, you limit your ability to suffer from anxious or insecure thoughts.
Compliment and connect
You’ll become the life of the party when you’re spreading good vibes. If you have something positive to say about someone’s appearance, go ahead and say it. This only comes off as creepy when you’re hoping someone will accept you. When you compliment someone just to spread good vibes, it always comes off as kind and genuine.
Another way to be loved at a party is to connect people with each other. Let’s say you met a guy called Jake and start introducing him to other people. He will love you forever if you give him a great introduction. Plus, the group you introduce him to will think more of you if he’s a cool guy. It’s a win-win-win for everyone.
Spread fun and good vibes only
People go to parties to let off steam and have a good time. All they care about is FUN. So, make sure all conversations are injected with positivity. Tell funny stories. Make jokes. Ask people about the cool stuff happening in their lives. Talk about your hobbies or the latest most awesome show on Netflix.
Do NOT talk about work, the cost of living or some tragedy you saw on the news. In fact, don’t complain about anything. Even light-hearted complaining brings down the vibe of everyone around you.
Invite people to another social event
The main pointer in my guide on how to make friends as an adult is to host a regular event you can invite people to. This gives you a real reason to swap contact details and remain in touch after the party. It’s another way to offer value to the people you speak to and make them excited to get to know you.
The life of the party doesn’t focus on themselves
All the tips in this guide are about helping other people to have a great time. When you do this, you’ll often find that most people want to hang out with you and be your friend.
It’s not always easy to be this selfless at a party, especially if you suffer from social anxiety. But, if you can use these tips to focus on other people’s fun, you’ll usually find that you have a great time as well.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jonah Brown on Unsplash