You may have noticed that the issues you are currently facing are issues that your parents had to deal with. And if you ask them you might find out that their parents also struggled with the same problems.
This phenomenon, in religious or spiritual circles, is called a generational curse. In psychology, it is referred to as generational trauma. But what both terms are referring to is the shared negative experiences of people and their relatives.
Traumatic experiences happen to everyone but not everyone handles these challenges in ways that lead to healthy resolutions. An individual experiences something traumatic and then passes the information on how to deal with this down genetically or through the child’s modeling of their parents.
As a result, the child is ill-equipped to deal with the issue and is unaware of that fact, or the child is aware of their ignorance but still does not know how to actually handle the problem. The problem is so ingrained in the members of the family that it garners the title of “curse.”
Research suggests that trauma is epigenetic. When pairing the scent of acetophenone with electric shocks to laboratory mice, researchers found the mice were traumatized and shuddered in fear. Eventually, whenever the smell of acetophenone reemerged, the mice would immediately shudder in fear, even without the electric shock being administered.
Moreover, when these rats had children and the same scent of acetophenone was put around these new rats, they demonstrated an increased sensitivity to the smell, shuddering even more than their parents. The new rat pups never needed to be electrocuted to learn to fear the scent. The same reaction was found for the third generation of rats.
The study illustrates that our reactions to events in our environment can cause marked distress and may cause us to do ill-advised actions that lead to even more problems. And based on studies of black and indigenous people in the Americas as well as Holocaust survivors, we see the lasting mental and physical effects in these communities.
As one might expect, different problems call for different solutions. However, in principle, a generational curse can be broken.
1. Stop calling it a curse
As tempting as it may be to default into the traditional way of labeling this phenomenon, calling generational trauma a “curse” implies that it was something that was done to you, which may limit your belief in your ability to do anything about it.
Remember, while it is true that some event happened that caused you or an ancestor to try and fix the situation, by calling it a curse, you remove all your power from the situation as well as access to help.
After all, if a curse is a supernatural weapon used to evoke pain and suffering against you and your family, it is natural to think that you are at the mercy of someone else. It is natural to not take accountability, especially if you were born and just copied the adults you saw in front of you.
2. Stop avoiding the issue
The sad reality is that in order to deal with the curse trauma, you must interact with the trauma. This is the fundamental error that most of us will make. We see the issues of our parents and vow to never let the same thing happen to us. We are then surprised when the same thing happens to us. It’s humbling.
It’s humbling because you begin to have more respect for your parents and grandparents. The issue isn’t as simple as you thought and the answer isn’t as obvious. Doing the opposite thing our parents did isn’t the automatic answer. Doing more of the same thing our parents did is also not necessarily the automatic answer.
We think that we can avoid challenges by simply saying we want to avoid them. Those of us who suffer from repeated patterns of poverty, abuse, self-sabotage, and psychological challenges can attest to the fact that turning a blind eye to these patterns does not make them go away.
If you want to break a glass, you must interact with the glass. You hold it in your hand and throw it, or you take an instrument and hit it. If you want to treat the trauma, you must first acknowledge it and the threat it possesses.
3. Consult an authority
As I mentioned earlier, when you or an ancestor suffered a traumatic event, it isn’t as if you did nothing. Something was certainly done. The problem is that it was either insufficient or maladaptive. As a result, you need help from someone else.
The authority that one consults depends on the issue. In terms of relationship problems, a therapist could be the solution. In the case of an addiction, Alcoholics Anonymous or a similar anonymous program could prove useful.
I would also suggest, if you are inclined, to ask a higher power for help. In the first point in this list I cautioned the thinking of this phenomenon as a curse of supernatural origins, and I still stand by that. However, from anecdotal evidence, being connected to a higher power seems to encourage a receptivity to new and different information, or even information that had been ignored for years. This then breaks old patterns and ushers in new actions as new wisdom enters the fray.
A common feature of trauma is that it can lead individuals to isolate themselves to protect themselves from further traumatizing events and to encourage a sense of control. However, to stay in isolation is maladaptive for human beings. We are social creatures who connect and make sense of the world by sharing our experiences.
Failure to do this even with loved ones can cause one to create a psychological shell where they fail to connect with others out of fear of being traumatized again. But if there isn’t anyone to talk to, reading books or watching educational videos can help in feeling seen as one will remember that they aren’t the only person with this issue.
4. The only way out is through
It is wishful thinking to assume that one can beat generational trauma by keeping it at a distance. Unfortunately, the only way one can know that the trauma or “curse” is lifted is to experience a symbol of the trauma or the event itself and note if there is a new reaction.
For example, if financial constraints are a generational issue, there are certain behaviors that happen when money is dwindling or there isn’t enough. Are the same behaviors occurring? Are the emotional reactions the same? If action is taken, does it show the same results as in the past? If not, healing is happening.
If dysfunctional relationships are the generational trauma, when conflict arises, do you react the same as you did in the past? Do you have a larger perspective on the factors contributing to the issue? Does the issue leave you debilitated or are you able to move on in strength? If the new reactions are positive, healing is happening.
It is natural to be nervous about the prospect of facing one’s demons. It is natural to wish that the previous generation dealt with this so that you wouldn’t have to. But it is important to remember that life is finite and people can only do as best as they can with what they have. You are no different.
If you set the intention to go through the challenge of generational trauma, your children, your children’s children, and your ancestors will thank you. You will embark on a life that is superior to the one you have now.
And at the end of the day, isn’t that what you want?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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