Nice guys always had a bad rap. Nice is synonymous with a loser. A sucker. Someone you take advantage of.
But you can be nice and go out with beautiful women. Your “niceness” is your superpower (read everything I learned on dating here)
1. Nice is power
Most men think it’s all about attraction. “If I become attractive, girls will be all over me.” But attraction isn’t the whole story. What’s even more important is comfort.
For a girl to get sexual with you, she must feel comfortable in your presence. Relaxed. She needs to know you won’t judge or hurt her.
Think about a one-night stand. If you want her to go home with you after three hours, she must know you’re not some psycho.
Women know “nice guys” are usually good guys with good intentions. All that’s left is to pepper in some magic.
2. Take on the world
Next, you need to strip away any neediness you might have. This can be hard to change, as we naturally seek validation from other people.
I was a shy guy with zero confidence. I didn’t communicate my neediness and played it “cool”, but behind the curtains, I was a mess. Hung on every text I got from a girl. Calucuted every move so I won’t fuck up.
Things changed when I adopted a mission. I went to therapy, signed up for the gym and invested time in my career and hobbies.
My mission was to pick myself up from rock bottom.
It worked. Women could feel the change in my vibe. You don’t feel as needy when you have something bigger than women in your life.
Think about your goals and what you want to achieve. Then go for what you want, all in.
3. Pepper in some sex appeal
Two things you can do:
A. Dress better.
Show some skin: Open the button on your shirts or roll up your sleeves. Use a short summer sock to expose your ankles. You can also wear V-neck shirts. Another thing you can do is wear shirts and jackets that show the V shape of your body (if you’re slim enough).
Whatever you choose to wear, make it fit. Make sure your pants and shirts aren’t too big. They should compliment the natural shape of your body.
B. Go out and talk to women. Preferably at the bar or nightclub. You have tons of girls in these places, so you learn quickly.
You’re doing more than just “talking to girls”. You train yourself to go after what you want. With confidence. In a respectful, unapologetic manner.
With consistency and some patience, your whole demeanour will shift. Women will sense you mean business.
4. Approach
You’ll have to take the plunge and approach some girls. What to say? Anything that comes to mind. Most of the time, I look for a little way in there. To get my foot in the door.
I keep it simple or silly. “I like the way you dance”. “I love your smile”. “The bench you’re sitting on? It’s the most comfortable in Tel-Aviv. A French designer made it”.
When I go simple, it’s just a “serious” tone, which usually gets flirty after. When I go “silly”, I pull content out of my arse that breaks the ice.
If I feel anxious, I baby-step my interactions. I get into a talkative mood by talking to anybody. Then I approach girls.
When approaching groups of girls, address everyone. Don’t ignore her friends. You don’t want to come off as the guy who hits one of the hottest girls in the group and leaves the rest out.
It’s expected.
5. Do the talking
Express yourself with a full range of emotions. Be serious. And silly. Positive and even negative if you have to (for example, if you have to c call people out on their bullshit). That variety in emotions will keep her engaged.
Practice telling your story. Girls will usually ask what you do or where you are from. I tell them I’m a marketing guy working with some big companies in Israel. I tell them I live on a hill close to nature (which is true).
If I feel the conversation is missing some spark, I’ll tell them I’m an astronaut and go into depth about where I study and train (The Israeli Gravity Center).
I’m just fucking around, going all in with some improvised nonsense. They’ll believe it, and sooner or later, I’ll let ’em know I’m kidding. Depends on how long I wanna keep the tension.
The most important aspect here is to show interest in her. And compliment on the things you like about her beyond looks. Maybe she helps you relax after a long week at work.
Perhaps she’s intelligent and you like that about her. Whatever it is, make her feel appreciated.
6. Lead and close
Truth is you can’t “close the deal” with women. “Closing” implies you’re forcing things and control. You can only inspire her intention. Think marketing instead of sales.
When I meet a new girl and it’s time to go, I tell her, “Let me get your number, and I’ll give you mine.” If needed, I’ll ask a second or a third time.
Sometimes, you need to be persistent and pass that test. I don’t mention a date. I don’t tell her I’ll talk to her. Don’t be too expected. Keep her guessing, and you’ll keep her engaged.
Conclusion: do your job
Set the whole thing in motion and create some opportunities for yourself. Go out to the bar or club with your friends. Install two or three dating apps and start swiping. Hit on your neighbour. Get some dirt under your fingernails and experiment with what works for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect. But you have to pull the trigger.
Get my free ebook “Life Lessons From Getting Rejected By Hundreds Of Women”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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