1. As I was walking Lucy in the fog this morning, I saw a strange character coming toward us. It frightened me. Not because I am a small woman walking alone on a dark path but because of how this man ambled straight for us.
He was running in the slowest way possible. His hands were in his pockets, and he was jogging but actually more like hopping from one flat foot to another while his feet pointed out on either side of him. It was startling because this didn’t appear to be an issue of physical impairment but instead, just the way he was choosing to jog that morning.
Lucy was frightened too and began barking at the stranger.
I held her back as he hobbled past us, and as she continued to bark, the man gave me a dirty look. I scolded her loud enough for the man to hear, “Lucy! No barking, be a good girl.” But then once he was out of ear shot, I scratched her ears, and told her she was a good and loyal bitch.
2. While editing the book, I realized I used the phrase “ejaculate-drenched bedding” 4 times, which is frustrating because it makes me feel inadequate as a writer. But also, now I’m going to have to come up with even more ways to creatively describe my day job.
3. On a positive note, when I arrived at work today, I was pleasantly surprised when David and Ali began flooding me with praise for the chapters I sent them of, I’m Not the Manager Here. Of course, I secretly hoped for such a response, but I never thought I’d receive it. Ali said my writing was engaging, and David told me it made him tear up a little.
I tried to play it down but wasn’t doing a good job. I kept saying things like, “I’ve been editing too much, so I hate my book now.” and “Every time I open up the file, I sigh and then cry.”
I just wanted them to keep telling me how good it was.
4. I laugh-reacted to someone’s very sad post on Facebook today. I didn’t mean to, but my fingers are fat. I corrected the mistake immediately, but this person will still be notified that I laugh-reacted at their very sad Facebook post.
5. I began researching self-publication strategies for the book. I Googled, “How do you self-publish a book of funny essays?”
This book will clearly be a triumph due to my excellent marketing strategies.
6. I went to brush my teeth while my thirteen-year-old son, Lars, was brushing his teeth. My toothbrush was in his mouth. I have no clue how long we’ve been inadvertently using the same toothbrush.
How did this happen?
I said nothing but will head to the store later to buy a new toothbrush for myself.
. . .
Lindsay Rae Brown is a writer who is trying to do as the influencers do and be her best dang self in 2023. Lindsay’s best dang self involves family-sized bags of Hint of Lime Tostitos, at least one of her many pockets crammed full of fruit snacks and more nonsense-writing in her day-to-day life.
So far, Lindsay is achieving her goals.
To keep up to date on LRB’s book, blog, and (obvs) bitchin’bod check out her Facebook Page!
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This post was previously published on it’s just foam.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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