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Let me start by saying that this is a true tale of bullying. This happened to me, a known autistic person. The when, where, and who of this story have been changed. I’ve lived in Missouri the past year and at home in California before that. This story could have taken place in either state at any point in time. The point of the story is that bullies torment those with autism and other neurological conditions simply for being the way they were made.
I’m telling this story as an example of how vile, disrespectful and downright disgusting these bullies are to those who are different because of limitations beyond their control. What is important is that situations like this go on every day around the world to people and others hear of it, see it as acceptable, so they do nothing to stop it. In my opinion, they’re not much better.
Right now it’s 5:24 a.m. and my hands are shaking like a leaf because, in less than three hours, I have to be somewhere that the bully may be and, unfortunately, I HAVE to be at this event.
The last three times I was to be at an event in their presence I had such crippling panic attacks that I couldn’t even make it to my car. One time it took me thirty minutes to make it the fifty feet out my door to the car, but I couldn’t make myself open it, so I just went inside, sat in the corner and cried while my autism service dog curled up with me and tried to comfort me.
I just spent the past five hours at my desk writing this column while crying and with my hands shaking so bad I had more misspelled words than correct ones. Even though I saved the document a few times, with my hands shaking the way they were, I apparently hit the wrong sequence of keys because it’s nowhere to be found, so now I’m back for round two.
I had been friends with this person for about a year when everything suddenly blew up. Over the course of many months, we hung out on a regular basis and talked. There were many times when I shared about my depression, anxiety, and lack of self-esteem. This was all ammunition the bully would later be used to threaten me.
One night, we were talking and I asked a question to clarify what they had just said. Instead of answering me, they very loudly (in a place with a decent number of people who could hear their voice) that I was mocking them for misspeaking, and to say they tore me a new one would be an understatement.
The only problem with that is, I didn’t realize they had misspoken. People on the spectrum don’t always get what the so-called, “regular” people are saying and sometimes we need clarification. This was one of those times.
I apologized, explained I didn’t realize they had misspoken and was told that we were ok. We weren’t and they knowingly lied to my face by telling me that we were.
A couple weeks later I contacted this person to see if we could sit down to discuss the situation and try to work things out. I was told yes and given a date, time and place to meet.
This “discussion” was another lie as the word discussion means that both people talk and engage in conversation. Once the person arrived, they spent the first five minutes lying to me and trying to convince me that I believed it. Once that didn’t work, plan B kicked in.
Plan B included a list of my transgressions against this person. They were nice enough to give me a copy so that I could refer back to it when needed. Here’s where the real fun starts.
During the rest of the time I was being talked at, rather than having the discussion I was expecting, the person rolled their eyes at me nearly every time I opened my mouth.
Now, sometimes those of us on the spectrum aren’t hip to all facial cues and mannerisms of people, so trust me when I say that many hours were spent going over the papers I had been given and checking them against acceptable societal standards of behavior.
I knew lying was socially unacceptable, so I didn’t bother with that one. The eye rolling was next and here’s what the Cambridge Dictionary has to say about. “eye roll.”
roll your eyes
to move your eyes around in a circle because someone has said or done something stupid or strange
“Don’t pay any attention to what he says,” Carrie said rolling her eyes.
Suffice it to say that when they were done taking at me, they stood up and walked out without saying a word. I was in shock at what had just happened and went into a deep depression for several days because even though the words were never used, the message that came across to me was this:
There are three places that we both like to frequent. Stay out of them. They’re mine.
As I went down the list at my own pace, knowing no eye roll would come through my doorway, I found that on the list were three things.
1. Straight up fabrications
2. Things directly related to my autism
3. Things that had nothing to do in any way with this person, anyone he was related to or affiliated with.
The things having nothing to do with this person were a couple Facebook posts I wrote about experiences I had because I was autistic. Apparently, I hadn’t gotten the memo that experiences not involving, implicating or mentioning them in any way were wrong. Guess I should have check with the person first.
A couple months went by and I spent the majority of my time at home and grocery shopping at 1 am because I wasn’t sleeping anyway and I knew I wouldn’t run into this person.
Fast forward a few weeks and I decided that this whole fiasco was stupid and so I contacted them and asked if we could meet to talk like adults and I asked that there be no eye rolling.
Their response was to tell me that if I tried to contact them again, they would be forced to divulge all the things I had said during our conversations over the months.
Was I seriously being threatened for trying to mend a friendship that was ruined over a simple misunderstanding and a massive ego? And can someone explain how I would “force” them to act upon those things?
Here’s the bottom line. Over the course of a four-month period, I lost over a month of sleep because of the panic attacks caused by all this. I was afraid to leave my home; I spent a lot of time crying and in bed because the depression was so bad.
Being autistic isn’t fun. Neither are the many other very real neurological conditions that millions worldwide suffer. But according to the actions of my agitator, being who I am is wrong because if you don’t fit their standards of a person, then they bully you and threaten you.
Again, this isn’t a story to make you think about me. It’s a story to make you think about the people you will encounter today, or maybe already have, who have gone through similar things just for being different and not being able to do anything about it.
I’m sure that a vast number of the stories others could share would be much worse than mine, but I’m sharing this one because it’s the best example of how a bully acts towards autistic people.
They lie to us, disrespect us, try to coerce us into doing their will, and when we won’t cave in and be bullied, they take the big guns out and go hunting for those who are different.
I’m all for inclusion and getting everyone at the same table, but this story reeks of exclusion, and NO ONE should have to stand for that.
Have you been bullied, tormented or threatened because you’re on the spectrum or different from the majority of society? Share them in the comments below so others realize they’re not alone in their fight for justice.
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Photo credit: Pixabay