I know why my daughter and her friends came to me first. I’m the easy dad. The one that goes on adventures with them. I’m the one most likely to say yes.
“We want to take a trip to Colorado,” she said.
“By yourselves?” I replied.
“Yes.”
My initial reaction was one of uncontrollable laughter, but I held it in. This meant something to her, so I didn’t want to crush that spirit. So instead, I listened.
“Just the three of us,” she began. Three friends that she has grown up with, and it’s not fair to call them friends. They are more like brothers and sisters. I have raised my kids with four other dads. They met when everyone was still in diapers and have been there for each other every day since.
From the fear of middle school to the shock of high school. They all learned to drive within a year of each other. They’ve done campouts and barn weekends. They have entered the dating world together and been through breakups. They truly have grown up together. Two girls and one boy. The boy just graduated and starts college in the fall. This is the same kid that I helped potty train by telling him to pee on a truck tire.
“Ok, lay it on me,” I said. She worked out their trip and it was obvious that they had done a lot of planning. It was also clear that they had a lot of planning to go. But I listened. And then I told her to ask the other dads. That is what she was waiting for. After all, I’m the easy dad.
The Others
To my complete surprise, the other dads got on board with this trip. Honestly, I thought they would shoot it down. After all, it was a trip out of our state, drive ten hours, and camp in Colorado while staying in a few hotels. Surely, they would say no so I wouldn’t have to.
But then again, I didn’t want to say no. Especially after I talked it out with the other dads. We had been taking the kids on road trips since before some of them could walk. I’ve tried very hard to make memories with my daughter. For both me and her. It’s those memories that we rely on during hardships. Was she ready to make her own memories?
The other dads thought so and soon, we gave our permission. But with some conditions. They originally wanted to drive up Pike’s Peak. I said no on that one. The idea of an 18 year-old driving up that steep slope would give me nightmares. Second, for me at least, I would have to see the plan.
They were ready for that, and my daughter presented me with a slideshow. It was complete where they were going to stay, how much money they had budgeted, and where they were going to go. I made another condition. They could camp if they did it in state parks, and no one is ever alone. Ever. My daughter said that was a good idea, and the planning continued.
And they got that plan down to the minute. I gave advice on where they could use it. I explained that it may take a little bit longer to drive with bathroom breaks. That at camp, keep the food simple because you’ll be tired. If you don’t want to go on a hike, have the power to say no without peer pressure. And on the hikes, they do have to be populated and touristy. No backwoods hiking in the mountains.
And so, the plan is ready. They leave today.
The Trip
When I was my daughter’s age, I left with a bunch of friends to Padre Island. We camped on the beach, forgot about a little thing called tide, and then had to move our tent back in the middle of the night. We ate hotdogs we cooked over a fire. We drove a Camaro into the waves by accident. We made it home just fine.
I have every confidence that my daughter is smarter than me.
Last year, she went to England with her grandma. It was a special trip and wished them luck. On that trip, Grandma fell and smashed her face. My daughter had the wherewithal to get my mom to a foreign hospital, fill out all the paperwork, and get them home safely. She called me the next morning, exhausted, but triumphant, too.
I could have said no to this trip, and part of me still wants to say no. I have worries of being sex trafficked ala the movie Taken floating around in my head. I worry about highway hypnosis. And yes, there is a part of me that is worried about drinking. The other thing we tried on the beach at Padre.
But I also think my daughter is going to be told no a lot in her life. I want her to learn that she has the strength and confidence to bust through that. She’ll need that when she is older, especially the way the world seems to be going at the current moment.
I’m a bit scared, sure. But the other truth is that my daughter is capable of more than I probably give her credit for. She is an honor roll kid whose biggest infraction has been missed homework. She works 25 to 30 hours a week at her first job. She has the keys to the place.
In all those dad’s trips that we’ve taken over the years, I tried to teach her not to be afraid of the world. That by putting one foot in front of the other, there is no telling what you will find.
I think it’s time that I listened to my own advice and let her be her own person. I’ve raised a smart and tough woman, it’s time to unleash her onto the world.
But she also has to carry an Apple Airtag. I’m trying over here.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock