I always try small coffee shops, especially if they’re near my home. Even with things back to normal, who talks about the pandemic anymore, right? I seldom go out. I’d rather stay home and brew my own coffee.
When the coffee shop opened, I initially mistook it for a Korean restaurant due to its name. To me, it felt that way. Anything with Kim as a name means Korean. The Philippines is so immersed in K-Pop that I thought it was another Korean-inspired restaurant.
I asked the owners about the name on my very first visit. And the name of the coffee shop — while Korean-sounding, it had nothing to do with K-pop. It was named after one of Ayi’s kids.
Ayi and Rein, the shop owners, looked friendly. I wasn’t afraid to ask them questions.
The coffee shop is beside the pet store where I bring Phi and Crocker, my fur babies, for grooming. Whenever I could, I would drop by for coffee or eat their banana bread which quickly became my favorite.
It is also my place of solitude or it is how I perceive it in my mind.
I have always been this way. I shut down and would rather be alone. And it has been happening more frequently since Mom died.
. . .
One day, when I was looking for a quiet time alone, the coffee shop was closed and it remained closed for six weeks.
A few days ago, on their Facebook page, they announced that they have reopened.
It’s time to visit my quiet place, I said to myself.
. . .
Yesterday, I wanted to be alone. I am not okay on most days. I first visited the pet store and bought some treats for Phi and Crocker.
I checked on the coffee shop and it was open.
I said hello to the ladies, and Ayi quickly spilled the “tea.”
She shared the story of why the coffee shop was closed for six weeks and it blew my mind away.
As with everything with Filipinos, even in tragedy, she was all smiles as she recounted the day she lost her home and her dog. She even joked it was all about love.
I had met her maid, Mimi, at the coffee shop. She was a transgendered woman. But what happened to her had nothing to do with her gender identity. But Ayi believes that Mimi’s mental struggles were brought about by her being gay. She doesn’t even know the difference between being gay and transexual.
She told me the reason why her maid decided to end her life was because her lover of five years called it quits, who was a straight guy.
It’s not the first time I heard this story. It’s also not the first time I heard others speak about gay love as if it doesn’t exist. Ayi didn’t believe that a straight guy would fall for someone like Mimi.
Love can make us do the most unimaginable things.
. . .
The last time I saw Mimi she looked happy. She was young, in her early twenties. She was pleasant and helpful.
As an older gay guy, I usually tell anyone younger than me to call me — Auntie. And when it was time for me to leave the coffee shop, Mimi said,
“Goodbye, Auntie.”
I never thought it would be the last time I would see Mimi.
. . .
Ayi told me how Mimi burned her house down while she and her family were asleep. It happened at 3 am.
There was video footage she showed me on her phone as she recounted the story. Ayi is one of those who have webcams installed in their house for security.
In the video, Mimi was seen walking around the house aimlessly. Then she went to the kitchen, opened the gas tank, and left it open. Ayi’s house was so well-secured that the people inside would have a hard time escaping.
And so it was that fateful day.
In the next video footage, there was an explosion and Mimi came running out of the house — alone.
Luckily, Ayi and her family were able to escape except for one of her dogs. I wasn’t asking questions. I was listening to her.
. . .
Ayi lost everything. She had to move to a temporary shelter. Ayi comes from a well-off family. As she was telling me her story, she kept saying that — “Be careful with who you let into your house!”
Ayi didn’t come across as worried about the financial loss. She was grateful that her family got out of it alive. It’s when she talked about Moki, her dog who died, that her demeanor changed.
I told her, “It’s okay to feel sad about Moki.’
She moved away from talking about Moki and spilled out more details about Mimi.
Mimi was so badly injured that she had to be brought to the hospital. Ayi and her family paid for the hospital bills. She thought she would survive. But it wasn’t part of Mimi’s plans.
Mimi died at the hospital, but not from her injuries. She somehow managed to end her life.
While she should have been on a suicide watch, I didn’t ask why Mimi was allowed to be alone.
It was only days after Mimi’s death that Ayi was able to piece things together. Mimi had it all planned, Ayi managed to see some text messages Mimi left for some friends and family. She also had some cryptic posts on her Facebook page.
Mimi had wanted to end her life.
. . .
Ayi now believes Mimi’s mental health problems had something to do with her being transgender.
I wanted to correct her, but I kept silent.
It wasn’t because I walk away from these discussions. I felt I have to give Ayi time to process her feelings and trauma.
A disagreement with a stranger, who I am to her wouldn’t do her any good.
While we were talking, she received a call from her husband that her other dog gave birth to five puppies.
Ayi was beaming with happiness. She remembered Moki her dog who died and she said Moki would have been happy to be with the new puppies.
. . .
As I finished my coffee and the banana bread, my mind was filled with thoughts on how fleeting life can be.
How we all have our crosses to bear, and how things can trigger us to make bad decisions that can hurt the people we love and care for.
Sometimes, I forget how to be happy or grateful for what I have or not have. I don’t have big problems right now, although I had been sick for months at the start of the year.
Life is generally good.
Yet, there are days, like the day I visited the coffee shop, when I’m lonely.
I struggle every day with my mental health.
As for Ayi, I hope one day she could learn to trust again. And maybe understand that people regardless of their gender identity suffer from mental health issues.
I know it wasn’t just all about a broken heart for Mimi that made her end her life. I can only wish that she had found the peace that had eluded her while she was alive.
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This post was previously published on The Narrative Arc.
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