If the thought of making love for two to four hours sounds more like running a marathon than something incredibly enjoyable, read on to discover a whole new world of what’s possible.
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Invariably, someone will ask me “What the hell do you do when making love for two to four hours?!” when sharing the intimate experiences my partner and I have. Given that the average is 15 – 20 minutes for most couples, spending two to four hours making love tends to cause a look of extreme incredulity on those that hear about our experiences.
Especially when they find out I am fully impotent, my partner is post-menopausal, and we typically don’t use toys or aids of any kind.
NOTE: this post is a continuation from last week’s article: Netflix and the Demise of Romance.
The purpose of this post is simply to share our experience in the hope you may receive some higher insights for which you were not previously aware. It is NOT an attempt or presumption to teach anyone how to make love.
Nearly everyone has their own idea about “making love”. Not surprisingly, there tends to be significant gender differences when defining this term. Just so we are on the same page for the purpose of this article, I define “making love” as any focused activity between two people (in my case, a man and woman) which results in sexual arousal. By broadening your definition of lovemaking, you open you and your partner up to experiences and possibilities you may not have considered before. Again, no one says you have to agree with this, I just suggesting you remain open to the possibilities this may offer you.
The Warm Up Shower (15 – 30 minutes combined)
My partner and I have a ritual that we do most of the time during our scheduled lovemaking sessions. I think primarily because it allows me as a man to slow way down for her, give her time to “warmup” and better match her sexual response profile. Also, you will notice that everything we do I do first to her, she then reciprocates. By doing so, I stay true to my “ladies first” rule, and it gives us both an opportunity to become progressively more present both in giving to each other and in receiving.
The first thing we do is take a shower together. We take turns using a luffa sponge to scrub each other down from head to toe. While this process can be sensual in nature and often includes tender kissing, we avoid being overtly sexual at this stage (way too soon for both of us otherwise). We like starting this way because it feels so good, and it’s a form of preening that imbues a sense of mutual nurturing during our lovemaking. It’s as if every tender cleansing stroke you make on your partner’s body says: “I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing than making you feel wonderful…” And frankly, it is nice to know your partner is squeaky clean which frees one up to consider a broad range of arousal techniques when getting down to business.
The Stress Relieving Massage (60 – 120 minutes combined)
Let’s face it – we all live in a very hectic world filled with all kinds of stressors. My partner and I own our respective businesses and are very physically active. Obviously, this leads to a great deal of tension that, if not somehow relieved, will make it difficult at best to achieve the levels of physical intimacy we typically enjoy. So, after the shower, we take turns giving full-body massages to each other using high-quality grape seed massage oil. Just so you know neither my partner nor I are trained masseuses; we simply listen to our intuition and the feedback each of us give when receiving the massage.
Prior to starting I ask my partner where she would like for me to focus. For her, most stress seems to be around her neck, shoulders and upper back. So I start there as she lays face down, giving her deep-tissue massage. I make a point of being fully present in my giving as I listen to and feel her feedback as to whether or not my handiwork is doing the job. From there I complete the rest of her body in roughly the following order:
As she lays face-down:
- Neck, shoulders, upper back
- Hands (NOTE: I take extra time on her hands – it can be a very relaxing and sensual practice that affects other areas of the body – we follow this hand chart to guide us with this)
- Lower back, buttocks
- Back of her legs
As she lays face-up:
- Feet (NOTE: for many people, the feet can one of the most sensitive and sensual parts of the body. We use a reflexology chart to help us hit all the points that not only make the feet feel wonderful, but positively affects the other parts of the body as well.)
- Top of her legs
- Pubic area (with very little if any touching of her genitals)
By the time I’m done giving her this kind of deep-tissue fully relaxing massage she is quite ready to progress to genital stimulation. This stimulation can happen either before or after she reciprocates by giving me a massage. I use my intuition and listen to her as to which we do first. In either case, by this time we are both *very* warmed up for what comes next.
Getting Down to Business (45 – 90 minutes)
My partner and I enjoy oral stimulation immensely –which is a good thing given that I am fully impotent and can’t do penetrative sex. The actual details of what we do and how we do it is going to be the focus of a future article because, believe it or not, there is quite a bit of nuance that makes all the difference in the world. It also means, unlike intercourse, we never get tired no matter how long we do it.
I will say this however, I believe it is important, even crucial, that I start on her first. Once again, being fully present, slowing down (i.e. fighting my urge to go harder / faster as she climaxes, which doesn’t work for most women) and “listening” to her response with every sense I have. This slowing down allows me to create a space where she will consistently and powerfully climax so many times that people think we are making it up. By that time, she is incredibly and blissfully satiated yet also totally on fire to reciprocate which she does like an unleashed tigress.
My partner and I tend to look at our relationship as a grand adventure. This adventure is especially true about our lovemaking. And in so doing we take an observer’s perspective and talk about what each of us experiences and feels. Here are some things we’ve concluded:
- No matter how tired we are when we start (which is often given our entrepreneurial lifestyles), we always have more energy after we are done. Our lovemaking is energy generative rather than depletive.
- Our sex life has only become better over time. In the beginning (the “rip our clothes off stage) my partner would climax several times each session. Now it typically is more than twice that. And I cannot begin to tell you what that does for me as a man being able to provide that kind of extraordinary sensual experience for her. It is far more fulfilling than anything she could do for me.
- If we had to give up either the giving or receiving, we would both forgo the receiving for the privilege of giving to each other. This is a direct result of our “goalless” approach to love making and tends to be very different than what many couples strive for (i.e. mutual “getting off”).
- None of this would work or last for long if we didn’t foster a deep emotional connection / intimacy as the foundation for every aspect of our relationship.
Everything I’ve described above is quite real and consistent with our typical intimate experiences with no exaggeration. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this was possible, especially given my impotence. Ironically, my partner and I now both realize that we would not have discovered this kind of lovemaking if it were not for my erectile dysfunction.
While my condition was necessary for me to become aware of this possibility, it is not so to enjoy it. The good news for every man (and woman) reading this is that if all your parts are working fine, you can enjoy everything my partner and I do and quite a bit more. I had to pay a heavy price for my insight, fortunately; you don’t.
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