I allowed for my insecurities to get the best of me. When my Ex-Fiance and I were together, he would go on these multiple day long binges where he would disappear and then reappear as if nothing happened. And when I asked him about it, I was in the wrong for questioning him.
New boyfriend recently went away for a weekend with his friends for his best friends birthday and while he was there, he lost his phone or it got stolen, either way — he is phone-less. This lead him to then not contact me until he got home to his work phone, where he downloaded Instagram and messaged me telling me what happened. The next day, he was tired, busy, and took another friend out for lunch and drinks for a birthday and for some reason my mind went straight to, he is going to do exactly what my Ex-Fiance used to do.
So what did I do?
What any insecure and mildly insane person would do, I made up a scenario in my head that didn’t exist, blamed him for it, and then took it out on him while also hurting my own feelings in the process.
The conversation is embarrassing as I read back through it. Especially since I understand the circumstances, but at the moment. There is nothing logical about the way I am thinking.
When he tells me honestly that he is overwhelmed, instead of taking a step back, I call and message again because that’s what illogical people do. After all — to me anything can be talked through. Nevermind it’s 5am, forget that he is a completely different person. My thoughts have gone rogue and I’ve blacked out at this point. I can’t see clearly through tears and the heart ache that I’ve caused myself.
…
I don’t know where to go from here. It’s been a really successful four months and maybe this is a hump that we can get past and have the conversations needed to get over it. After all, I’m in love him and have yet to tell him. But I know that love doesn’t save relationships — time does.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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