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Building a serious relationship isn’t quite different from building a business. They each require time, communication of ideas, dedication, and plenty of efforts.
I’ve experienced no greater pain than when I lost a good partner. It all began when I kicked off my very own business. Like every determined, serious-minded entrepreneur, I was willing to give that startup my best shot. Little did I know I was giving more shots than necessary. The pillar of my business growth was dedication, which I over-gave by taking away the pillar of my relationship—attention—to support my startup.
I gave all of my attention to the success and growth of that business to the extent that my love life was swallowed by it. My boyfriend complained about my business taking most of my time. I saw this as him being unsupportive. I was trying to make something out of my life and the last thing I needed was an unsupportive boyfriend. That was how I let a good man slip through my hands.
Those days, I worked late in the office, where I realized I felt a void, guilt, and unhappiness. Practically, he was no longer there to ask what I would have for dinner, listen to my experiences with clients and no one to encourage me when I needed it the most. I realized how having a loving man can play a crucial role in one’s life.
He was loving, caring, responsible, understanding and patient but not to the detriment of his own happiness. The picture he had in mind about us was no longer what he was seeing. He gave me time but I didn’t do much to save our sinking affair.
I wanted him back and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, he wasn’t an irrational man making hasty decisions. I knew better that whatever he didn’t like, he’d never settle for.
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Here are three steps I took in getting back a good man.
Review the Scenario Unbiasedly
After our split, I felt I could push aside the whole incident by working more than necessary. I made up flimsy excuses on why it ended, but there was a hole in my life that couldn’t be filled with excuses. There’s a need to understand why it ended, why something sweet suddenly lost its sweetness. I quit playing the broken-hearted girl and replayed the whole scenario from a different view: we fell in love the very first we met in his uncle’s grocery store and he has proven his love countless times. When we started, I’d call, text, fix dinners and plan surprise dates despite my tight schedules but currently don’t remember the last time I did those.
While replaying everything, it dawned on me that he had been struggling to hold us together the last six months but I wasn’t reciprocating, which sapped his energy. I was rather too occupied with putting my business on track that I lost track of our relationship.
When you think the fire is no longer there, ask yourself these two questions —“What did I stop doing?” and “What did I start doing?” If you are sincere enough to yourself, you’d understand that no one quits for no reason.
The answers to these questions would make you recognize the wrong turns you took and better ways you should have handled things.
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Accept Responsibility for Your Actions
This comes after the whole incident has been reviewed by an unbiased mind. Accepting responsibility for what happened doesn’t really mean it was 100% your fault, it means you recognize your faults and that you’re ready to rebuild what was lost. Accepting you erred is one way to get back a good man.
It’s a step to righting your wrongs, I accepted I cheated on my partner with my job and also that no matter how capable you think your man is, there are roles you must play in his life. Falling short of your duties is only inviting a breakup.
Quit playing the victim and own up to your shortcomings. Understand that for every cause, there’s an effect.
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Work on Yourself
Don’t just accept responsibility, you should understand that nothing good comes easy most especially when trying to win back a good man. There were reasons he called it quit, and there should be reasons why he’ll choose to come back to you.
You have understood why you guys broke up, accepted your own part of the blame and now it’s time you to work on the loopholes. Glaringly I was too much of a workaholic which crashed my relationship. What did I do?
I embraced the reality that I had to share my responsibilities by employing more hands in the office, work never ends and it’s sheer stupidity trying to tackle everything myself. I took a break from work not as a result of post-breakup trauma but I obviously didn’t have a life aside from my job.
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It was a battle to regain the love of the man I loved and my social life. I took the opportunity to go on trips, read books on relationships, learnt how to work with different the temperaments and also use the help from reputable online psychics. Took note of those little foxes—relationship-threatening habits—and made self-improvement a priority.
A good man is one who sees imminent threats in his relationship and points them out. Inculcating healthy relationship habits requires more than a day. Be patient with yourself. Give it time, work on yourself genuinely and not out of desperation.
You’ll lose him forever if you just want him back. Ask yourself what’s he coming back to? Same old you? Definitely a big NO. Calling, texting, social media stunts and panic won’t bring back a good man but a new you could.
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