Where Did Your Confidence Go?

You used to be a baby, once.
You came to this world not knowing how to walk or how to talk. And look at you now, perfectly able to do both of these things.

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Do you remember how you learned to walk? You probably don’t, but you surely know how you did it.

You started by gaining a little control over your muscles, just enough to be able to roll onto one side. Then your muscles got strong enough to allow you to pull yourself up and stand while holding onto the leg of a chair.
You then began moving around supported by pieces of furniture and, eventually, you gained the balance needed to let go of your support and start walking on your two feet.

What pushed you to keep trying?
Imitation. You saw everyone else standing and walking, and you were determined to do the same.

Genetics, you say?
Maybe that too, but have you ever heard the story of Amala and Kamala, the feral children raised by wolves? Or of Dina Sanichar, discovered among wolves in a cave in Sikandra at the age of six? What about the heartbreaking story of Oxana Malaya, the girl that lived in a kennel with dogs for six years?
None of them, at the moment of their rescue, were able to stand up and walk on two feet. They all walked on all fours, suggesting that the environmental factor and the determination to adapt to the group are the primary factors that push a baby to learn how to walk.

So here’s what pushed you:

You thought it was possible, so you worked hard to achieve that goal.

You fell many times, and every time you got back up.
You never once thought that walking was just not for you, or blamed your house for not being an ideal stage for your attempts.
You never once thought you didn’t have what it takes, and never once thought about giving up.

Instead, you had a clear vision of what you wanted to achieve.
You were constantly surrounded by living, breathing images of your goal, reminding you that what you wanted to accomplish was absolutely possible. And with that certainty in your heart, you went ahead and let nothing discourage you.

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Do you remember the last time you tried to make a change in your life, a real change?
How did that go?

Did you fearlessly pursue your dream until you succeeded in your endeavor, or did you give up?
Did you let yourself be intimidated by a few failures, and thought you were not good enough? Did you blame the circumstances, the recession, your upbringing, or your boss?

Can you imagine yourself as a baby doing any of that?
Of course not. Then what changed?

Your true nature surely didn’t.
What changed is your narrative about you and the world around you.

As a baby, you learned how to walk because you thought it was possible and worked hard to achieve that goal.
Now, you are inclined to quit before reaching the finish line because you either don’t think it’s possible or you don’t work hard enough.

What makes or breaks your success is simply the story you tell yourself about it.

You know what you’re dreaming of is possible, people around you have it.
But you think it’s not possible for you.
Maybe you think that you don’t have what it takes. Or that others are just luckier. The best things always happen to others, right?

Wrong.
This is BS. And it’s holding you back.

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No matter the circumstances, you can always do something to change your life for the better. A small thing in the right direction every day will make wonders.

All you need to do is gain back your confidence and keep trying until you make it.
That starts with you watching your language and your posture.

Pay attention to how you speak to yourself and out loud.

Notice any negative talk and counterattack with positive statements to motivate you.
Replace “it’s not working out” with “it’s not working out, yet”, “I just can’t make it” with “I’m still figuring out how to do that”.

Stop talking to yourself as if you were at the mercy of the circumstances and start taking ownership of your life.
You are in control of your thoughts and your thoughts shape your perception of the reality around you. They can keep you stuck in bed all day feeling miserable or they can motivate you to go out there and pursue your dreams.

It might be hard to do at first, but keep noticing and correcting any negative talk as much as you can.
Keep trying and, before you know it, you’ll sound confident.

Use your body to enhance the feelings of confidence that arise from your positive thinking.

Sit straight, stand tall, and make eye contact as much as you can.
Use breathing techniques to bring calm to your body and mind.
Take good care of your body, stay healthy and eat nutritious food.

Even if you find it hard to do, keep trying. Notice when your posture contradicts the kind of person you want to be, and correct it.
Notice when you are neglecting yourself, and schedule some time for some pleasant and energizing activity that will recharge your batteries.

You’ll see, it gets easier and easier.
Like with everything else in life, practice will make it become second nature to you.

Keep going in this direction and before you know it you will look confident.

Remind yourself that what you are dreaming of is possible

Just like a baby that has constant reminders that walking is possible, surround yourself with pictures and living examples that what you are after is achievable.

Remember, if someone else did t you can do it too.

Make this truth your own and you will be confident.

Work, work and work toward your goal

There is no genie to make your dream come true. Just like as a baby you had to work hard to get to a point where you could stand and walk, you have to put in a large amount of effort to make the change you want to see in your life happen now.

Set goals and break them into small actionable steps. Commit to taking action. This will keep you motivated, and reduce the risk of procrastination and overwhelm.

Check out this article if you want to know more about how to set yourself up for success when planning goals.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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