I have single friends on both sides of the aisle who are looking for love.
It makes sense that people desire companionship and support from a long-term partner.
But who has it worse in modern dating — single guys or single girls?
Here are 4 common issues that men find in women — and 4 common issues that women find in men.
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Ladies first
Men have many gripes with modern-day women, several of which I’ve observed within my generation. Here are just a few of the most troublesome complaints.
1. “Every woman deserves a 10.”
I’ll be the first to admit — women’s standards have gotten unrealistically high.
We’ve been sold the lie that “every woman deserves a 10,” and we should never settle for less than we deserve. Our friends cheer us on and modern society supports us in our search for Mr. Right.
But nobody ever gives us the reality check, that maybe, Mr. Right doesn’t exist.
This is especially harmful when men do approach us because we’re so used to being cheered on for our unrealistically high standards that we miss a good guy when he’s right in front of us.
2. Contradictions, contradictions
You want a classic gentleman who opens doors, works hard, and provides for you — but also he has to accept that you “don’t need no man” and want to do everything yourself?
You want a man who works a high-paying job so you can stay at home, but he should still have tons of time for you and three kids?
You want a man who tons of other women are attracted to, but somehow he’s waiting around and available just for you?
(C’mon ladies…make it make sense.)
3. “I am the table” mentality
Men can never ask a woman, “What do you bring to the table?”
We have a laundry list of what a man should bring to the table, and when asked the reverse, we’re flabbergasted. We assume that being a woman is enough to make us a prize.
With all the standards and requirements many women have, we seldom stop and ask whether or not we are the best version of ourselves. We are quick to pass judgment but rarely take a look at ourselves and what we could be doing better.
This line of thinking has resulted in many single, disgruntled women.
And many single, hopeless men.
4. Modern feminism
It shouldn’t be controversial to say that, generally, men want feminine women.
Modern women have strayed away from classical femininity.
We’re shouting about abortions and “free the nipple” and having “rights” to inject our bodies with all sorts of patches and pills and IUDs and how men shouldn’t care about our body count.
We care more about climbing the corporate ladder, selling our souls to a job that doesn’t love us in return, with the hope that somehow our bank account will make up for a lonely, childless retirement.
There isn’t anything beautiful, feminine, or alluring about this lifestyle.
It’s no surprise men don’t find it attractive.
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And now for the gentlemen
You didn’t think you were going to get off scot-free did you, guys?
As many complaints as men may have about women these days, women have complaints as well.
1. Sex Addiction
This is one of the biggest problems that men are facing today.
Of course, men want sex — that’s nothing new. The problem, though, is the complete lack of self-control and self-respect when it comes to a person’s sexual appetite.
Sex is readily available and at our fingertips these days. But consuming porn, paying for OnlyFans subscriptions, and going to strip clubs is not doing men any favors in the dating world.
Most women find these habits disturbing and off-putting.
If you’re a masculine man of self-control and self-respect, you shouldn’t be a slave to your sexual appetite.
2. Hypocracy Part 2
Hypocrisy has no gender.
Men want women to be sexually available, but also don’t want them to be promiscuous or “easy.”
It’s the whole, “She should be willing to sleep with me early on, but she shouldn’t have done that with other guys.”
(Again, make it make sense, fellas.)
Men also don’t want to deal with the responsibilities that come with sleeping around — pregnancy, STDs, and emotional attachments, to name a few.
Yet, they expect women to go on birth control, have abortions, and “not get too attached” so they can enjoy their fun in the bedroom and not have to deal with the consequences.
Again, not a good look.
3. The self-motivation deficit
It doesn’t help that young men lack motivation.
It’s hard to be attracted to a man whose sole hobby is playing Halo Infinite in his parent’s basement at 30+ years old. It’s hard to be attracted to a man who has no ambition beyond folding T-shirts, or a man who shares the back seat of his car with a 2-week-old pizza box.
No woman wants to go into a relationship expecting to act like the guy’s mom.
Motivation, hard work, and drive are incredibly attractive. And also, increasingly rare in this generation of single young men.
4. The masculinity crisis
In a social climate where the words “toxic masculinity” are thrown around left and right, it isn’t surprising that men no longer have a clear sense of what it means to be masculine.
Men aren’t taking initiative because they don’t want to be perceived as predators. Men don’t want to be accused of “mansplaining” so they lose their backbone and don’t stand for anything. Men don’t want to offend anyone, and in the process, forget how to be men.
In practice, women don’t find this passive attitude attractive at all.
Women want masculine men.
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Tiebreaker?
Men and women both have their issues.
If you’re a woman, women have it worse. If you’re a man, men do. It’s all about perspective.
Both sides of the coin are doing a lot wrong and contributing to the dating problems we now face as a culture and society.
Until we focus on ourselves and become the best we can be as individuals, the dating circus will continue.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Caleb Frith on Unsplash