Grief is universally experienced but is very complex. Losing a loved one or experiencing a traumatic life circumstance are challenges that many will have to deal with in their lifetime. The closer you were to someone you’ve lost, the more grief you may feel.
Grief can be debilitating, affecting your job, your relationships, and your overall quality of life. As such, many people believe that one should “get over” their grief. This especially happens with men and grief, as men may feel like they have to carry on and get over their emotions (largely due to societal expectations).
However, one may not ever overcome their grief, and that’s perfectly normal. Here are a few reasons why.
Bottling Up Your Emotions is Never Good
For some, getting over a traumatic event means that they must bottle up their emotions and ignore them in the hopes of just forgetting about them, or never dealing with them. But for many, this solution is not feasible. Bottling up your emotions can lead to many problems down the line — you may feel even more depressed and isolated, or you may not be able to take it anymore and release your grief with anger or destructive actions.
If you’re someone who thinks they don’t need help and instead pushes their emotions down, strive to express your emotions, and do so in a healthy manner. You may need the guidance of a mental health professional, and that’s okay.
Because They’re Your Loved One
You can’t just “get over” a loss for a huge reason: they’re your loved one. It’s difficult for one to truly let go of the memories for someone they’ve loved and lost.
With time, living without your loved one can get better, but memories and emotions can come back and feel overwhelming. You may have seen something that reminded you of your loved one, or their birthday or anniversary is coming up and your grief comes rushing back at their memory. This is normal, and there isn’t any shame in that. You can learn to manage life and your ‘new normal’ without your loved one, and associate your memories with them with happiness, instead of grief.
How You Express Grief is Different
Many people express grief in their own unique way. Some people may end up being more ambitious because of their grief. They may not display any sad emotions, and instead, use their grief as motivation to make their loved ones proud. Others may look numb, but inside, they are wrestling through many complex and confusing emotions. Some people may have cried in the beginning after having recently experienced a loss, but just because time has passed and they no longer are crying doesn’t mean that they are ‘over’ their loss.
Because the Stages of Grief Aren’t Universal
The five stages of grief seem linear: you first deny that the event happened, become angry at the event, then you bargain in some hopes that you can change the outcome. After that, depression may set in as you sit with the reality and gravity of the situation, but once you’ve worked through your depression, you come to accept your new reality. In theory, this makes sense – but this doesn’t apply to everyone.
The stages of grief were designed as a general look into how one expresses and works through grief, but the problem is that it isn’t universal. One may experience these emotions in a different order, they may regress, or may have a different set of emotions entirely.
There is No Set Time for Grieving
Sometimes, there are expectations that there is a set time where you grieve, and then you move on (this can be evidenced in many different cultural rites of death and grieving). However, just as the stages of grief aren’t meant to be universal, the time period for grief is not cut and dry. Cope with your emotions at your own pace, and work through them in your own time. Don’t feel rushed or obligated to work through your grief – it’s your own personal process.
Seek Help, if Needed
With that said, seeking help whenever your grief has been overtaking your life is important. Expressing your emotions out is important, and takes time. But when your emotions are preventing you from functioning, it’s important that you seek some help.
A therapist isn’t going to make you “get over” your emotions, but instead may teach you healthier ways of coping. Practicing mindfulness, meditation, and various other ways to cope and express your emotions may be the solution you need if you’re having a hard time with your emotions. Many of us don’t know what another person is going through, and our condolence solutions may come across as tone-deaf. One cannot simply “get over” something or “stop thinking” about something. Instead, a person should be able to express their emotions in a healthy manner, and should their feelings overtake their life, then seeking help may be the solution. You may never be able to get over your grief, but you can learn to manage your emotions and recognize how best to deal with them when they surface.
This is a featured post by site sponsor Better Help.
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