‘How exciting!’, Anna’s husband said. ‘I’m so proud of you! Speaking at this international conference.. my Mrs. Smarts!’
Anna is a researcher in the field of Biology. She is one of the smartest people I know. One day she got invited to speak at an international conference. She was thrilled! Being invited to speak there felt like a long-overdue acknowledgment for decades of hard work and dedication. She felt triumphant.
That is, until a couple of days later when she found herself choking back tears in a boutique dressing room. She couldn’t fit into any of the dresses she liked. ‘I can’t do this’, she thought. ‘I can’t get up on stage and be seen like this. I’m too fat.’ So she hurried back home and burst into tears.
. . .
Body hatred is not an integral part of being human. And it doesn’t do us any favors.
Have you cried in a dressing room? I know I have. I even canceled a date with one of the most interesting guys I’ve met — because I was so unhappy with what I saw when I looked into the mirror. I chose to stay home. Because I didn’t think I looked acceptable. Man, I really owe that guy an apology. And I owe myself one, too.
I bet at least once in your life you have thought: I hate my body. Maybe you hated how it looked. Or how it felt. Or both at the same time. It’s something all of us go through at some point in our lives. But we don’t have to. It’s reasonable to accept that our confidence is lower on some days. That’s totally normal. But here are my two most important tips to take the sting out of the occasions when you feel lowest:
- Make it a daily ritual to thank your body for what it has done and is still doing for you. Find things you love to spoil it with, like special soap or body lotions. Being grateful for your body right now helps you to recenter yourself and find more positive thoughts.
- Find a killer outfit that fits you right now. A waistband that is too tight can cause a chain of negative thoughts about your body that go on all day. So go out and get clothes that fit you right now. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up on yourself. It means you’re taking care of yourself.
. . .
Buying clothes that fit you right now has nothing to do with giving up.
When it comes to buying clothing, all that matters is your body today. Today your body is a shape and size. It just is. That’s you and that’s great. Clothes that don’t fit you have failed the test. So other clothes need to audition for the honor of being worn by you.
Have you ever thought about the fact that some clothes just don’t fit because they are simply the wrong cut or the wrong shape? It’s not even an issue of you losing or gaining weight if the silhouette is just the wrong cut for the body you have. For example, I will never wear shoe size 4. I’m just not built that way. How about we take that same mentality to things like jeans and dresses? It’s not your job to fit into them. It’s their job to fit you.
Bodies are always changing. Some areas get flatter with the years. Some get wider. Hair tones change. Skin wrinkles. Our bodies keep changing over and over. So the future you is going to be different. And that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re living. Maybe you’ll be bigger. Maybe smaller. Maybe you’ll be rounder, shorter — but you’ll dress the future body then. No need to sweat it now.
I find it’s very common among my female clients to resist buying better-fitting clothes. Many tell me that they feel like they are giving up on themselves or on their goals if they buy new clothes. Interestingly, though, I’ve never heard anything bad resulting from wearing clothes that fit. All of them, yes, all of them, report feeling so much better about themselves wearing better-fitting clothes. And feeling good about yourself is such an important step in finding food freedom.
. . .
Take a look at the bigger picture.
Bodies have so many attributes rather than just the way they look. Think about it. Does your body let you hike and explore the world? Does it let you sing and dance? Hug your loved ones? Make love, bear children? Cuddle with your pet? There are so many things to be grateful for. To be proud of your body for. Don’t lose sight of how many more important functions this wonderful gift offers you. You can express kindness and gratitude towards your body right now. While it’s totally fine to want to improve on some areas, it’s just so important to realize what’s wonderful already. And that’s a lot!
Nice smelling lotion is a wonderful idea to start a friendship, don’t you think? You can continue improving this relationship by resting when your body is tired. By drinking water when it’s thirsty. By going to the doctor when it’s sick. And generally paying attention to what it needs.
. . .
Heal beauty sickness
I’d like to close with a book recommendation: Beauty Sick by Renee Engeln. This book is one of my all-time favorites. It presents an overview of how women have become infected with two toxic ideas:
- We as women must strive to be beautiful.
- Beauty can only be achieved when we actually reach the ideal shown by the media.
And we all know that this ideal is not attainable for 99% of the population, right? Engeln gives loads of advice on how you can heal from beauty sickness.
If I had read that book when I was 19 years old, I might have been able to go on that date. Even if I had looked into the mirror and not being happy with the reflection. I would have realized that it’s not my job to be beautiful. I would have realized that I was great the way I was. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked me, right?
And Anna — at the beginning of this story? She realized that, too. She said to herself: It’s not my job to look beautiful when I’m on that stage. It’s my job to share my knowledge with the crowd. She found a dress that fit her and that she liked on her. Even if that meant visiting two more stores.
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Pexels