Stay At-Home Parents
ME: One of the things we talk about a lot is the changing gender roles for men and women now. How do you compare what the changes in gender roles are now to what you were going through when you were an active mom and trying to sort out the feminist movement and all that?
MOM: Well, I think there’s a great difference, and I also think there’s a similarity. As I said, the cultural norms that were extant when I started being a mother really changed in the next 10 or 15 years radically. I think that mothers now have a free choice in a way that, in my generation, we were forging those paths. Those paths are open now. On the other hand, and certainly there are things like childcare and there’s an acceptance of a working life that didn’t exist. And certainly there’s a—there’s an expectation, as you know so well, of fathers that’s very different. But I think some of the things that are surprisingly the same are that I do think that women still carry, at some level, the mothering and the working are two very competing and strong responsibilities in their lives, and that that balancing act is still very difficult. I also think that if a woman decides to be at home fulltime, it’s very tough not to have a loss of self-esteem. We still live in a world where work in the world is how you show an identity, it’s held with a ready acknowledgement of value. So I think that’s still tough.
ME: What do you think about stay-at-home dads?
MOM: Well, I was just going to say, I think that’s a battle for stay-at-home dads, too. Not that they couldn’t do it, but it’s an uphill climb, and it’s not supported by the culture. So that makes it an extra challengefor a stay-at-home man. Frankly, I think it’d be tougher for a man was my expectation.
Photo Credit: Devin
Next: Mom’s Legacy
♦◊♦
A nice article. We are the same age, Tom. My mother did not join the feminist movement and revolutions of the 60s. My father was dean of a law school and very establishment-oriented, and she devoted herself to support of his career. Instead she subconsciously channeled her objections to the patriarchal system through me – and my father made me his intellectual ally and friend because my mother could not – or would not – relate to him on that level. So I see some parallels in growing up in revolutionary times, which in some sense continue today. I too… Read more »
I loved this interview. My mother’s parents were Presbyterian missionaries to Cuba. When I was 9, my family lived In Mexico and I remember my mother putting Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth in my hand and telling me how much she identified with her, for the love of adventure, the giving to others, the religious background, and the fact that both were adoptive mothers.
And about your mother–she sounds like a fascinating woman and it’s remarkable what she accomplished given the fact that she often felt depressed and isolated. Thanks for sharing her with us.
Very cool Pauline. Thanks for reading. Glad we have that Presbyterian missionarie blood in common…