A Mom at 23
ME: So you met dad when you were 16? And were married at 21, if I’m right? And had your first child when you’re 23? How do you think that that affect your mothering style?
MOM: Oh boy. I think at one level, of course, one has to say I was barely an adult myself. So the level of unconsciousness was extreme. And on the other hand, there was a way in which we came to it fresh. There was a life force, to create life came through in its adoring way that was really wonderful. I was newly married. Jim was getting on with his life, being a student at Oxford. I met two women, English women, who were having babies, and one of them was having her second child, and so she was a practiced hand. And so she introduced me to the whole thing. And I have to say, also in England at that time, socialized medicine made having a baby really—you were welcomed. There was all kinds of support for doing so. And it was a wonderful experience. So instead of doing what many young women would do now, which is to find their first job and have a period of having a career, this was my first career, and it had all the freshness and enthusiasm that that should involve. So as I say, on the one hand, I just know that there was a great deal of unconsciousness and unskillfulness about it in terms of psychological astuteness. But on the other hand, there was a great freshness and enthusiasm and kind of innocence to it that I still treasure.
A nice article. We are the same age, Tom. My mother did not join the feminist movement and revolutions of the 60s. My father was dean of a law school and very establishment-oriented, and she devoted herself to support of his career. Instead she subconsciously channeled her objections to the patriarchal system through me – and my father made me his intellectual ally and friend because my mother could not – or would not – relate to him on that level. So I see some parallels in growing up in revolutionary times, which in some sense continue today. I too… Read more »
I loved this interview. My mother’s parents were Presbyterian missionaries to Cuba. When I was 9, my family lived In Mexico and I remember my mother putting Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth in my hand and telling me how much she identified with her, for the love of adventure, the giving to others, the religious background, and the fact that both were adoptive mothers.
And about your mother–she sounds like a fascinating woman and it’s remarkable what she accomplished given the fact that she often felt depressed and isolated. Thanks for sharing her with us.
Very cool Pauline. Thanks for reading. Glad we have that Presbyterian missionarie blood in common…