The good news is that you don’t have to.
Unfortunately, some of the statistics are grim.
As in the fact that AA groups order, on average, 20 newcomers chips for every one-year medallion.
But there’s another statistic equally valid: “Rarely have we seen the person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”
There are a million excuses for getting drunk or high after a person has come into Twelve Step Recovery, but there’s really only one reason.
The reason is that the person wanted to.
If you really don’t want to drink or use again, the question is this: Are you doing the simple (but not necessarily easy) things necessary in order to remain sober?
Alcoholics and addicts are like most people—we want something for nothing.
In the “real world,” beyond the borders of Twelve Step recovery, something for nothing is hard to find.
When recovering from alcoholism or drug addiction, it’s all but impossible.
So what do you have to do in order to ensure that you do not relapse? Here are four suggestions that have proven successful for others and may just work for you as well:
#1 — Give up any reservations about your alcoholism or addiction.
As long as you hold on to the idea that you can drink or use in safety, you will undoubtedly pick up. Find out what alcoholism and addiction really are—ask any old timer in a meeting for a definition. If you fit the definition, ask yourself what makes you different from all of the other alcoholics and addicts before you.
Chances are, nothing. As we say in the Program, you’re special, but you’re not unique.
The disease is the disease is the disease. If you’ve got it, own it. Until you do, nothing good can happen.
#2 — Never tell yourself the lie, “If this is as good as it gets, I’m out of here.”
These words are on the lips of practically everyone who relapses. They experience a temporary setback. They fear they’re going to experience a temporary setback.
Or they cause themselves a temporary setback.
Whether it’s romance or finance, or anything else under the sun, things inevitably get better when you put down the bottle, the pill, and the needle. For alcoholics and addicts who don’t do that, it inevitably gets worse. So don’t buy into the lie that “this is as good as it gets.”
You may not always get what you want, but life invariably gets easier when you’re clean and sober.
#3 — Take the suggestions as musts.
In Twelve Step recovery, we try not to give advice. We offer suggestions. These include going to lots of meetings; not drinking or using between meetings; getting a sponsor; getting into the Steps quickly and firmly, and going back to the same meetings over and over so people can get to know you and you can get to know them.
If Twelve Step recovery were complicated, it wouldn’t work for so many people. If anybody tells you it’s easy, run. It’s not easy. But it’s doable.
#4 — Start doing this with a Higher Power.
You don’t need to call it God. It doesn’t have to be the same deity that you grew up with. You can make your Twelve Step program your higher power—after all, God stands for “group of drunks.”
We cannot keep ourselves sober. The alcoholic’s or addict’s mind can hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time—first, that I cannot drink or use in safety, and second, that this time it’ll be okay.
Don’t buy the lie.
Don’t be your own Higher Power, and don’t try to keep yourself sober. Getting drunk or high was your job.
Keeping you sober is your Higher Power’s job. Let your HP get you there.
As my friend Jerry D. says, you never have to drink again or use again, if you don’t want to, and you never have to be lonely again, if you don’t want to.
You never have to relapse.
Just stick close, do the necessary things, and all will be well.
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