I learned about the significance of self-forgiveness the hard way after realizing the entirety of my 20’s had been swept away in a sea of severe depression where my morning ritual consisted of lying in bed feeling hopelessly paralyzed as the daily panic attacks I’d experience rampaged recklessly throughout my body.
After having dealt with well over a decade of emotionally triggered anxiety, where in any given moment it felt like my heart might quite literally pop out my chest, I can safely attest to saying without a hitch that I’d become desperate in finding a solution to put an end to my trauma. But deep down I knew that for as long as I continued this downward spiral of self-destructive patterns, self-chastisement, self-hate, self-punishment and self-abuse, the solutions I so desperately needed to find would continue to evasively elude me.
The gig was up.
I’d finally reached my tipping point and if I didn’t figure out some way to end this cycle of pain, I knew that soon, it was game over for me.
I was so tired of blocking my own progress toward recovery that right then and there, I chose to reclaim ownership over my life. I decided from that point on that I alone was solely responsible for my life’s direction and no longer held captive to the stories, excuses, emotional traumas, or any other bullshit lies I’d previously told to keep myself small and limit my true potential.
My declaration to the Universe had been made…
It was high time I figured out how to forgive myself for not knowing what I didn’t know before I learned it. I ditched the old stories of being unworthy, undeserving and unlovable, and dic something constructive with my life rather than destructive. I started with taking all these emotional breakdowns I was having and chose to transform them into powerful break-THROUGHS. During this process I was able to pinpoint self-forgiveness as one of the most powerful breakthroughs one could have while breaking themselves free from depression.
Most people don’t realize it, but depression is actually anger directed in towards oneself. By shaming yourself into feeling guilty over the fact that you’re depressed, you only further ignite the flames of self-destructive behavior and subconsciously give the green light to the emotional abuse you’re inflicting upon yourself.
The self-abuse is not okay.
You have to choose to break out of this viciously repetitive loop of self-hate and guilt. It only leads to additional self-abuse and that in turn piles on even more guilt and self-hate on top of your already full house of shame. This is where self-forgiveness comes into play. Instead of giving the subconscious a green light on self-abuse, switch it up and relay the message that instead you wish to approach your life in a more constructive and empowering way.
Say bye-bye to victimization and hello to empowerment…
You are not alone in this; every person abuses themselves in some fashion and usually, it’s through withholding deserved self-care and love in one form or another. Nobody was born with an instruction manual imprinted into them of how to go about doing this thing called “life,” just like you were not born into this world walking. You tried to walk and fell many times, but you got up and kept trying, and life is the same.
You learn how to do life through experience and sometimes these experiences are categorized as “mistakes” or “failures” because you’ve fallen, but in truth, mistakes and failures don’t exist. They are merely obstacles that were placed in your way so you can develop the strength to pick yourself back up, learn, and grow from them. The only way you can lose at life is by giving up, and none of us are getting out of here alive so you might as well ease up and stop being so hard on yourself.
Own your scars. Make them your gifts. All of your previous experiences up to this point made you who you are today and when you begin fully embracing everything that’s happened in your life, you start to accept that it’s okay to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.
Life is art and sometimes art gets messy.
Stop comparing yourself with people who you consider perfect. Comparison is the thief of joy and one of the quickest, sure-fire ways to kill your happiness. Life is not meant to be perfect. Perfection is a lie and it doesn’t exist. The people perceived as “perfect” simply have perfected the art of hiding their faults, and this isn’t a skill to be necessarily proud of.
Self-forgiveness is a far better route and significantly more empowering as it teaches you to embrace all of your vulnerabilities as strengths and allies. It’s not about escaping the darkness, it’s learning how to love yourself there. These people you aspire to be like didn’t become who they are today overnight. Do a quick search on any of their personal journeys and see for yourself how overnight success stories are merely fiction. So next time you catch yourself comparing people, switch it up and use them as models of motivation to rise above the dredges rather than using their status as another reason to degrade yourself and reject who you are.
The antidote to self-destruction is self-forgiveness, and it will help you break free from the cycle of depression. Self-love is an inwards journey of self-acceptance and not perfection after all. You will never win the war on self-abuse by continually putting yourself in the cross-hairs of self-rejection. It’s not about becoming a positive person 24/7, it’s about developing within yourself a degree of self-awareness where negativity can never grow into something that destroys you, so you can build a better life.
“Once you forgive yourself, the self-rejection in your mind is over. Self-acceptance begins, and the self-love will grow so strong that you will finally accept yourself just the way you are. That’s the beginning of a free human. Forgiveness is the key.” – Don Miguel Ruiz
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Gorgeous article, man! Thank you so very much for putting this voice out into the world and thank you for putting out this beautiful piece. A lot of men need to hear this
Very well written Jared. Thanks for sharing. It is a beacon of light that the folks here aren’t afraid to talk about depression.