Marriage isn’t quite the “prison” people say it is for men. In fact, it has a lot of benefits.
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It’s a funny sight. And you’ve seen it too. You go to a wedding and the women there are surrounding the bride congratulating her on a beautiful wedding and wishing her well for all the good times ahead. And you can tell who all the single women are at the wedding because they’re either crying that they’ll never get married or they’re flirting with all the other men there in hopes of getting married.
But when you look at the groom it’s a different scene. Instead of being smothered by his friend like the bride is, for some reason the men are patting the groom on the back and offering their condolences. They laugh and say things to him like “your life is over now” and “say goodbye to sex”. Sure, most of this in jest and good fun but I can’t help but look and wonder why women are being congratulated but men are being offered condolences. More importantly, I can’t help but wonder at what point did marriage get presumed to be so bad for men but so good for women. Especially since there are so many advantages men get out of marriage.
Men Get a Lot of Good Things out of Marriage
I’ll admit the wedding is for the women. Men just don’t need all the show and hype and don’t get as much of a kick out of the ceremony and celebration as women do. Point in fact: Women spend weeks bridal dress shopping where men go to the first tuxedo rental shop that has the colors their bride has picked out. But after the wedding day, men get plenty of good things out of marriage that is practical, fulfilling, and rewarding for a lifetime. Here are just a few:
Married men have more sex
One thing married men benefit from is that they actually have more sex than their single counterparts. A study by Dr Waite and her colleagues at the University of Chicago showed that married men have sex nearly twice as much as their single counterparts. That’s a pretty stark contrast to the grooms bachelor buddies at the wedding tell him his sex life is over. It would seem that the joke’s on them. The groom’s actually going to be having more sex than them.
Married men have better mental health
Everyone’s heard a husband say that his wife drives him crazy. But in fact, the opposite is true. Married men actually have better mental health than single men. Researchers at Harvard and UCLA did studies that showed that married men have less incidences of depression, anxiety and are even at less risk for Alzheimer’s disease. So it would seem that wives don’t drive husbands crazy after all. In fact, wives help to keep their husbands from going crazy.
Married men are more financially stable
Despite the popular idea that women drain men of their money, Dr. Waites’ study actually showed married men are more financially stable – they actually make more money.
Married Men Are Healthier
Numerous studies show that married men are healthier than their bachelor counterparts. They have lower blood sugar, and are at lower risk for things like hypertension, diabetes, obesity and high cholesterol. This may have to do with the good food they and their wives want their family to eat or the need to live longer for the sake of someone else, but whatever the reason married men are shown to be healthier than single men in a lot of ways.
Married men live longer
After reading that married men are healthier it might not be any surprise that men live longer, too. Studies out of the University of Louisville have found that married men live between 8 and 17 years longer than single men. Yep, you heard that right. They live between eight and seventeen years longer.
There are even more advantages that men get from marriage that I could go on and on about. For example, married men have less stress, and less alcohol or substance abuse – but I’ll save these for another article (stay tuned).
So it would seem that despite all the hype and excitement out there for women getting married, there should be just as much hype for men, too. After all, getting married means you’re going to make more money, be healthier, have more sex, have better mental health and live longer. And the icing on the cake is that you get to spend the rest of your life with the woman you love. So instead of jokingly offering condolences to a new groom while the bride gets so many congratulations and adulations, maybe men should be celebrating their friends’ marriage just as much, if not more, than the bride.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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There’s a big logical fallacy at the heart of this article: correlation implies causation: married men live longer, so marriage helps men live longer. That’s faulty logic. These are great examples of things that are correlations but not necessarily cause and effect. Just because married men tend to have these characteristics doesn’t mean that it’s marriage that CAUSES these benefits. The actual effects of marriage may have very little to do with these statistics. Maybe, maybe not. There is an equally likely explanation: the kind of men who get married tend to be the kind of men who are ALREADY… Read more »
Hi Steve
You gave me good laugh today when you said about healthy men :
“They might even live longer if they didn’t get married”
I am sure some men agree with you.
Hi Aaron Of course marriage is good for most men. That is why so few of them want to get divorced. Marriage is a lifestyle,a way to optimize your resources economically and, share the work load of running a household,cooking,washing,shopping. And maybe good sex as well if you choose your partner wisely …. And love. Cohabitation is the same lifestyle,but the legal contract is different. And where I live around 50% of couples choose marriage and the other 50% cohabitation. It is the men that choose cohabitation over marriage to make sure they alway have full control of their money.… Read more »
And where I live around 50% of couples choose marriage and the other 50% cohabitation.
It is the men that choose cohabitation over marriage to make sure they alway have full control of their money.
Citation, please?
Or do you mean that women are getting married while men are cohabitating…? 😉
Hi FlyingKal
I don’t have the link .
But there is research that show that men have the choice between getting married or simply cohabit ,they think strategy economically , what benefits them most economically. Are you surprised ?
A women cannot force a man to marry her,as you well know. She can only dump him and some do,
does this mean i have to date married men? hahahah..kidding =P
Wow?! My last post was a little incoherent.Working nights makes my daytime brain fuzzy.
Aaron.Of course the problem with citing random short term studies as gospel is like finding fine hair on a baldhead:Their is hair,but it hardly matters.If we accept the findings as fact,there are still many problems with marriage.For instance,you note that married men have more sex than singlemen,but you fail to mention which singlemen compared to which married men.Then,of course,there is the fascination with being in love,an emotion,which I have yet to hear defined reasonably.Love could mean not having an affair or forgiving the person who has one,but moving on anyway.Or it could mean staying even though it could happen again.Our… Read more »
Mens rights activists; speak of a de-facto marriage strike that is happening with younger guys in the US. It would be interesting if you did a fallow up piece to this article, and address this supposed “marriage strike” phenomena that is unfolding.
These are all commendable traits but the fact that there’s such a high declining marriage rate among poorer men proves the existence of a pre-selection bias among those who gets to be married in the first place.
The bride cliché is not any more flattering, and one of the major reasons I never, ever want to get married!
Some will just do whatever they want, pick a guy, no matter if he’s good or bad, just so he can fill in the “groom” part in a dream wedding she planned since adolescence. therefore ruining their lives as well as other people’s lives, just to play alpha female to a croud of beta bridesmaids for one day in an outdated fantasy.
The whole thing is just pathetic.
What’s so pathetic? Marriage? or the wanting to be a bride so that she can be the alpha female? I’ll agree about the alpha female thing being pathetic but I think marriage is a great thing! In fact, having been married for ten years I’d recommend it to anyone – if they’re strong enough.
Actually most of those studies (or the more current version of that research anyway – sorry, I had to eat up a truckload of this in college) say that’s true for “happily” married men. While happily married men are on average happier than happy single men, single men are much happier than unhappily married men.
Also, wedding = only for ladies’ satisfaction? Dude, you’d be surprised.
@Ben Berlin Its so freaking sad when you talk about the women who are ‘not that into sex’ anymore. Ive slept with lots of guys. Honestly, I would say that the sex isn’t majorly different with each guy. Yes the first time excitement is nice, but it only happens once. I find that the continued exploration with one partner is much more fulfilling. The more sex you have, regardless of who it is with, the ‘samey-er’ it gets. So having sex with the same person who can work with you and knows what you like is fulfilling in my mind.… Read more »
Hi NK, Glad to hear you have a more equal view of the wedding ceremony than a lot of brides do. Tell your BF that you’re a keeper. 🙂 Re: sex becoming same with your partner after being with them. I agree that the continued exploration with one person is what makes sex really, really rewarding. A lot of people never get their in marriage because they just don’t know how to open themselves up to truly intimate sexual experiences and they look for the more superficial, dirty talkin’, scream out lout sex. I’ll have to look for it but… Read more »
@NK: That seems sad too. I’ve slept with lots of women. And they’re all sexually different in some ways. You may find most lovers are willing to do x, y, or z because it turns you on. And some of them may no doubt find some pleasure in it. But neither compares to a lover who’s eager to do x, y, or z because it turns her on too. I also find that the excitement with a new lover isn’t limited to the first hop into bed. It lasts a while. @Aaron: “I’ll have to look for it but I’m… Read more »
I think it’s funny how quick people are to abuse both sides of the quality vs quantity question; with regard to sex and marriage. If a guy complains about frequency… quality matters. In the article above, a study makes some claims about quantity, so that’s important now, too. Personally, I might have more sex now that I’m married, but I find I enjoy it less. It was a lot more fun to chase women and sometimes have sex with someone who’s excited about it too than it is to be able to consistently have sex with one woman who’s just… Read more »
First, let’s get the obvious joke out of the way:
“Married men don’t live longer than unmarried men. They just feel that way.”
Second, it might be true that married men are healthier and wealthier than their unmarried brothers.
But can we tell what is cause and correlation here, and even if there is any?
Is health and wealth a product of marriage, or are healthier and wealthier men just more likely to find a mate willing (or demanding) to marry them?
Hi FlyingKal
Maybe this will answer some of our questions
http://www.forskning.no/artikler/2013/oktober/368465
Recent Scandinavian research .
Bwa ha ha Kal! Good joke. I’ve been married ten years and in some ways it feels like a lot longer (in a good way). and in some ways it feels much shorter.
Also good call on the point that correlation does not equal causation. In all behavioral research, it’s difficult to tease out what is cause and what is correlation. Either way, there’s got to be something to it if there’s a correlation. I’ll bet on the odds every time.
Hi Aaron and thanks 🙂
Yes, I too can bet that there’s a correlation. I just questioned which way it goes… 😉
Iben, I think the article pretty much confirmed what I said. There is a pre-selection bias in the whole process.
(Also that when research like this is displayed, most anti-men movements are quick to point out that the opposite is true for women, i.e. women in marriage have worse health than unmarried women. )
Hi FlyingKal
I had a link to an article in the Danish newspaper Informationen,but I can not find it.
It showed a trend that women with high education( and I guess a good income) did not look for a man to marry, they wanted ” a weekend man.”
So MRA strategy to punish women will be not cause the harm they intend, unless they also refuse to be “weekend men”.:) and I am sure they will refuse anything women want. It makes me smile.
Iben,
Who is punishing whom, and why?
If most marriages ending up with the woman wanting out and filing for divorce, I’d think in the long run it’s beneficial for all involved to not get married at all?
Hi FlyingKal You have to ask the young men why they are on marriage strike. I see they have lots of reasons and I do understand their protest if American family laws treats men badly in divorce. Things are not that bad where you and I live. But I have seen this argument from young men online about why they are on strike: As young men 17+ and up in their twenties they want sex or marriage but women reject them and sleep only with the confident guys. So these young men say. If you rejects us when we wanted… Read more »
Hi Iben, You have to ask the young men why they are on marriage strike. But I wasn’t asking who or why they were on a marriage strike. I asked why YOU referred to it as a “punishment” ( So MRA strategy to punish women will be not cause the harm they intend, unless they also refuse to be “weekend men”.:) ), when it seems to me that the disinterest in fraternisation or companionship seems to be mutual or reciprocated on both sides. I mean, if neither side is engaging with the other, and none of them actually WANT to… Read more »
Hi FlyingKal You say: ✺” when it seems to me that the disinterest in fraternisation or companionship seems to be mutual or reciprocated on both sides. I mean, if neither side is engaging with the other, and none of them actually WANT to either, then why do you see it as a punishment and who is punishing whom?”✺ What gives you the idea that women don’t want to interact or have anything to do with men? . And as far as I know women still want to marry and have children. Maybe FlyingKal, that you most open up and see… Read more »
Hi Iben, What gives you the idea that women don’t want to interact or have anything to do with men? I was referring to your last post, where you wrote: “It showed a trend that women with high education( and I guess a good income) did not look for a man to marry, they wanted ” a weekend man.”” Maybe FlyingKal, that you most open up and see marriage as an alternative for you? I always thought that having a partner was a requirement for marriage. But who knows, with all the new equality rules around marriage, maybe that has… Read more »
Hi FlyingKal You write: ✺Hi Iben, What gives you the idea that women don’t want to interact or have anything to do with men? I was referring to your last post, where you wrote: “It showed a trend that women with high education( and I guess a good income) did not look for a man to marry, they wanted ” a weekend man.”” ✺ Yes FlyingKal women are different just like men,some prefer to be single mothers,some want to be married,some want a weekend man and some are happy with a celibate lifestyle. Not all women in Scandinavia have high… Read more »
Hi FlyingKal You ask: ✺”Who is punishing whom, and why?”✺ Here is one of many examples, the MGTOW ” men go their own way” . It usually means not having a relationship with any woman ( among other things) Like most men they are not on sex strike :). The interesting thing is that they see this as a strategy for social change,or like he say “drive women bat-shit insane.” http://www.mgtowforums.com/✺- “MGTOW. As Womanhater said in another thread, we can win by simply doing nothing. By just opting out of the system, being quiet and going off the radar; this… Read more »
FlyingKal
Unfortunately the link did not open.
Her is one that is ok
http://www.mgtowforums.com/
While you make some excellent , you leave out that approx 50% of all marriages end in divorce, that approx 70% of the time the man did not choose to divorce, and the man is going to lose ALOT of money when that divorce happens , possibily including paying his now ex wife money for the rest of her life.
Would you enter any contract where there was a 50% chance of the other person backing out and taking half your stuff and having to pay tons of money each month to that person.
It’s my understanding that the 50% rate includes multiple divorces of the same person. If out of 100 people, 25 get a first divorce and divorce again, the stats will reflect a 50% divorce rate where in reality, only 25% were first time divorces and 75% remained married. Am I making sense?
Besides today is not a good day to read this. Just came home, sick as a dog (chest cold), been married 38 years. Poor as a church mouse but happy as hell
John, As a matter of fact. I would still enter into this contract. Love is divine. Call me sappy but as Peter Cetera so aptly put it. I’d do it all for the glory of love. Sure, you have a %50 chance of striking out but that’s a better chance than most batters do of making a hit in baseball. And lots of batters still step up to the plate. Yes, divorce can be financially devastating but even though %50 of marriages end in divorce, they’re not all devastating. Take a chance on love my friend! The rewards are well… Read more »
Hi John Schtoll In my country we use to say the divorced rate is 50%. But the facts is that when you follow each couple from day one and forwards you find that only 30% end in divorce. So where I live the 50% is a percent you find if you compare how many get married each year and how many get divorced. ( this sounded unclear because I have forgotten the details, but the 50% is found when you look at how many couples marries this year and how many divorce). I am unclear here, but the fact is… Read more »
The stats are also a little misleading because a marriage counts once and a divorce counts once, no matter how long the marriage lasts. A marriage that lasts 50 years only counts once, while three marriages in three years counts three times. I wonder if the average length of marriage is changing all that much. The numbers are also skewed somewhat compared to previous generations because earlier generations used all sorts of ways to end their marriages without getting divorced. People who are permanently separated don’t show up in divorce statistics, even though their marriages are basically over. In the… Read more »
I just had to chime on the stats – the divorce rate has actually been falling steadily since the 1970’s. There is a great book : For Better, How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed by Tara Parker-Pope that has all the details.
According to Tara Parker Pope – it’s possible the 50% divorce rate myth has trained a generation to be ambivalent about marriage and divorce. (Isn’t THAT interesting!?)
Lowest divorce rate at 19% is for couples who delay marriage until after college and after age 25).
81% of those couples stay married.