If you were born, you’re wasting your time.
The Night I Played a Show in a Girl’s Bedroom
When your band is starting out you take all the gigs you can get.
When your band is starting out you take all the gigs you can get.
God Doesn’t Exist
But does exist because I wrote this.
But does exist because I wrote this.
O Captain, My Captain
A man I hardly knew kept us fed when we were down.
A man I hardly knew kept us fed when we were down.
Writing Is Punk Rock
Are there kayaks among us?
Are there kayaks among us?
Happy People Make Me Sick
There must be something wrong with them.
There must be something wrong with them.
Tom Wolfe Bought Me a Hawaiian Lunch
AKA: The time a homeless woman in San Diego gave me money.
AKA: The time a homeless woman in San Diego gave me money.
Why Not Watching TV Is Stupid
Don't be That Guy.
Don’t be That Guy.
Indignant in a Foreign Land
The not-so mysterious case of contumacy in Canada.
The not-so mysterious case of contumacy in Canada.
Pantsless in Seattle
The cost of doing business with Chili Mac Surprise.
The cost of doing business with Chili Mac Surprise.
I Got Booted From My Own Band
The origin story of Pat Buchanan’s Hearse.
The origin story of Pat Buchanan’s Hearse.
The Secrets of Fort Playboy
A stolen boot knife, Pam Anderson, and my short days as a black-market dealer.
A stolen boot knife, Pam Anderson, and my short days as a black-market dealer.
Living the High Life
The Legend of J.B. Quimby’s Public House
The Legend of J.B. Quimby’s Public House
Shock and Awe in the Attic
Finding myself while visiting my apartment.
Finding myself while visiting my apartment.
Kids Can Be Cruel
I was certainly no different.
I was certainly no different.
My Graduation Weekend
I didn't graduate, but I did vomit all over myself.
I didn’t graduate, but I did vomit all over myself.