Portraits of the Patriarchy
Father Time examines the progressive shift in modern fatherhood
Part 7
Back in the college days, one of my best friends and I were getting drunk at some kitschy bar in Austin when I noticed a needlepoint up on one of the walls. The framed oval read: “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”
My pal Jeff and I got a lot of laughs out of this. As two unmarried, childless, adolescents at the time, this barroom phrase had little to do with actual fatherhood and more to do about an implied sexual innuendo. We joked about the little saying from time to time, busting it out as a sort of inside joke.
Perhaps it was foreshadowing. Both Jeff and I would later go on to start our own families after college, each of us becoming fathers of, coincidentally, a pair of boys. Though time and miles have separated us, Jeff and I do catch up from time to time, and have found that our paths with fatherhood have remained parallel.
But I wonder, is he a Father or a Daddy? What exactly does it take to be a Daddy? What does a father have to do to be someone special in the minds of their children?
I suppose it has a lot to do with the child’s age. The Mommy and Daddy monikers seem to be used exclusively by toddlers and small children. It may also have something to do with what Mommy and Daddy are, the role they portray on the family stage. I don’t recall ever calling my father Daddy, or my mother Mommy, for that matter. These days, I see dads striving to live up to their familial title. Daddy is the preferred name. Even Papa is back on the rise.
My boys are learning what to call me. When they’re being transactional and direct, they call me Dad. When they’re sleepy, being cute, or want something, they say Daddy. I admit, I want them to call me Daddy all the time. To be called Daddy means more to me. It means that I’m doing right by them.
Though being a father was that last thing on my mind when I saw that needlepoint in the bar, it stuck with me. It was telling me that fatherhood was much more than just being the man of the house. Daddies are sweet, playful, loving, and tender. They are giving, kind, and protective. I hope everyday—every moment—that I can embody those qualities for my sons.
Sure, they’ll probably only call me Daddy while they’re small. Dad will eventually become my fulltime name. No matter what they decide to call me, my hope is that I’ll maintain that special place in their hearts.
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Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash