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Dating fatigue is real. Given the option, I think most people would choose to bypass the process entirely and skip directly to being in a meaningful relationship.
But since science isn’t quite there yet, how can you manage your energy so the dating process—the part you need in order to FIND that relationship—doesn’t burn you out before you even GET to the good stuff?
In today’s video, I share 5 tips that will help you find an energy-replenishing relationship rather than an energy-depleting one. You’ll learn how to:
• Ease into getting to know someone rather than pinning all your hopes and dreams on them.
• Communicate from a place of strength rather than insecurity.
• Match your investment and energy to the stage of the relationship you’re actually in.
You’ll want to bookmark this video and rewatch it before any date.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
look truth is most people who watch this
00:02
channel want a relationship
00:03
relationships yes dating
00:07
i don’t want that right that’s most
00:09
people’s approach to this
00:10
is please anything but dating
00:13
i want a relationship though so how do
00:15
you manage your energy so that the
00:17
dating process the part that
00:19
you need to do to get to a relationship
00:22
doesn’t burn you out before you ever get
00:24
one
00:24
here are five ways to manage your energy
00:26
in the process number one
00:28
be wary of projecting your hopes
00:31
and dreams onto the person you’re on a
00:34
date with
00:35
so many people start dating somebody
00:37
they get over excited about that person
00:39
they get excited about the projection of
00:41
them not the real them how could they
00:43
they barely
00:44
know this person and all of a sudden the
00:46
stakes become very high it becomes it
00:47
because it becomes
00:48
very important that this goes well
00:51
because after all
00:52
this is the right person you’re
00:54
projecting your hopes your dreams onto
00:57
the person in front of you they are a
00:59
blank canvas on which to
01:01
put everything you’ve always wanted in
01:02
your love life when the stakes go up
01:05
like that
01:06
so does your adrenaline your energy
01:08
starts to spike as you give more and
01:10
more to this person
01:11
even if you don’t show it to this person
01:14
just the anxiety
01:16
that comes with having made them so
01:18
important burns
01:19
energy remember this getting to know
01:22
someone
01:23
knowing if they’re truly right for you
01:24
is a slow
01:26
process it happens through
01:30
the accretion of moments and experiences
01:33
with this person that tell you bit by
01:35
bit
01:36
there’s someone you could actually
01:37
construct a relationship with
01:40
it’s not something that happens
01:41
overnight so relax
01:43
if you’re early in the process right now
01:45
there’s not really anything for you to
01:48
lose
01:48
number two the second way to manage your
01:51
energy
01:52
is to not give all of yourself
01:54
immediately
01:56
we do this in one of two ways we either
01:58
give someone the absolute
02:00
best of us or we give someone the worst
02:03
of us
02:04
both are too much energy for where we’re
02:07
at in the process
02:08
in early dating now giving someone the
02:10
worst of us would mean
02:11
showing them all of our insecurities
02:13
talking about our angry feelings towards
02:16
our ex about our last breakup
02:18
talking about the intimacy issues we
02:20
have from something that’s happened to
02:22
us in our life essentially taking all of
02:24
the difficult things in our life
02:26
or all of the struggles we’re currently
02:28
having and placing them in front of the
02:30
other person
02:31
at an inappropriate stage now giving the
02:34
best of us
02:35
is doing things for this person right
02:36
now showing parts of us
02:38
giving an amount of energy that is
02:40
unearned it could be
02:42
clearing our schedule for someone who
02:44
has really not earned it at this stage
02:46
it could be
02:47
going out of our way to give them the
02:48
greatest date
02:50
ever when really we should just be in a
02:52
stage of getting to know them a little
02:53
better it could be that they told us
02:55
of a certain baked good that they really
02:59
like
02:59
and you show up with the box of them on
03:02
the next date someone said to me
03:04
once matthew just because you can cook a
03:06
five-star
03:07
gourmet meal it doesn’t mean you should
03:09
do it for every person who knocks on the
03:12
door of your house
03:13
someone shouldn’t get the best or the
03:15
worst of you immediately
03:16
they should get the appropriate amount
03:18
for the stage you’re
03:19
in do this and you’ll have more energy
03:22
to give to the right person in the right
03:24
situation
03:25
when it shows itself to be that number
03:28
three
03:29
don’t give more than they are mirror
03:32
the amount of investment you are getting
03:34
from this
03:35
person now that doesn’t mean
03:39
that every once in a while you can’t
03:42
step out of the dynamic that you’ve
03:44
created with this person
03:46
to lead for a moment to show a little
03:49
bit more energy or investment to see how
03:52
they respond to that
03:53
that’s okay if no one ever did that
03:56
things would never move forward so at
03:58
some point somebody’s got to bravely
04:00
step out of the current dynamic however
04:03
when you do that you have to actually
04:06
watch to see if that is mirrored back at
04:09
you for example if you texted someone in
04:12
the morning saying good morning how
04:14
are you and that’s not something either
04:16
of you are accustomed to doing for each
04:18
other
04:19
wait and see how this person responds
04:22
the next day
04:23
don’t send the same message because
04:25
otherwise you’re now in a dynamic of
04:26
doing that every day you’re continuing
04:28
to invest every day
04:29
without seeing if they’re willing to do
04:31
the same if they ever take the lead
04:33
let them come to you in equal amounts
04:36
number four don’t make them a priority
04:40
before they’ve done the same for you you
04:43
have to start prioritizing each other
04:46
equally if someone doesn’t talk to you
04:48
for a couple of weeks and then out of
04:49
nowhere wants to see you in three hours
04:52
hey what are you doing this evening do
04:53
you want to come and do this
04:54
that’s something you should be
04:56
inherently suspicious of
04:57
there’s nothing wrong by the way with
04:59
accepting a spontaneous date
05:01
nothing wrong at all from someone who
05:04
has a history and a record of
05:06
trying with you from someone who’s been
05:08
investing
05:09
then it just becomes something fun and
05:11
romantic and spontaneous
05:12
but when someone who hasn’t been trying
05:16
all of a sudden texts us and wants us to
05:19
make
05:19
them a priority out of nowhere this
05:22
calls for something very different
05:24
it doesn’t mean completely ignoring
05:26
because ignoring someone doesn’t
05:27
communicate our standards
05:29
what it means is responding with
05:32
something that elegantly communicates
05:34
that this
05:35
isn’t enough for you number five to
05:38
not reach out any time you’re craving
05:42
attention we have to make a clear
05:44
distinction
05:45
anytime we’re reaching out to someone am
05:47
i reaching out right now in a way that’s
05:49
organic because i really have something
05:52
to say or share
05:53
some value to add to this person’s day
05:57
or am i reaching out simply because
06:00
my ego my insecurity
06:03
is craving attention if the answer is
06:07
the latter
06:08
that’s a moment to stop and divert your
06:12
energy to something more productive in
06:14
your day
06:15
something that’s actually going to move
06:17
forward with that energy
06:18
because this relationship will not move
06:21
forward
06:21
with that energy and we have to
06:24
understand
06:25
and this is just understanding the ego
06:28
understanding our own self-esteem that
06:31
is a bottomless well
06:33
that need for attention will never be
06:35
satiated
06:36
so even if you do get a response from
06:38
that person right now
06:40
in this moment three hours from now
06:42
you’ll be feeling the same thing again
06:44
because reassurance doesn’t last
06:46
what we need to do in that moment is
06:47
take that energy and pour it into
06:49
something
06:50
that’s actually going to make our lives
06:51
richer that’s going to make
06:53
us stronger and it’s going to create a
06:56
more confident
06:57
us to bring back to the person that we
06:59
want to attract
07:01
don’t give energy because you’re craving
07:03
attention
07:04
give energy for real connection now if
07:06
you want to know how to give energy in a
07:08
way that creates real connection
07:10
adds value continues to build what you
07:14
have with someone in a way that leads to
07:16
a relationship
07:17
i talk about all of that in my program
07:19
how to talk to men
07:20
you don’t even need to buy that program
07:22
today because i’m going to give you a
07:23
free chapter just so you can try it out
07:25
you can go and download that chapter for
07:27
free at get the free chapter
07:31
i hope you enjoyed this video i feel
07:34
like this is really important
07:35
so much of our energy is wasted in
07:37
dating and
07:39
we don’t have unlimited energy when we
07:42
burn it on the wrong people it can leave
07:44
us
07:44
utterly depleted when people tell me i
07:46
need to take a break or when people tell
07:48
me
07:48
i’m just exhausted that’s real
07:52
that’s real we can get utterly burnt out
07:55
when you’ve just been dating someone for
07:57
months or
07:58
years giving them your best energy and
08:00
they’ve just become
08:01
a vacuum for the best parts of you
08:04
and they’ve not been replenishing the
08:06
wealth for you
08:08
you can come out of that feeling
08:09
completely taxed and exasperated and
08:12
burnt out in a way that makes you not
08:13
want to go anywhere near the dating
08:15
process for a while
08:16
we have to protect ourselves from ever
08:18
getting to that place
08:20
and that’s the point of this video
08:22
manage your energy because you don’t
08:24
have unlimited energy
08:26
and when you meet the right person or
08:28
the person who has the potential to be
08:30
the right person in the right
08:31
relationship
08:32
we want to have our best energy to give
08:34
at that point
08:36
thank you so much for watching go get
08:37
that free chapter at get
08:39
getthefreechapter.com
08:41
and i’ll see you next week
09:00
you
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
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