Are Men Under Attack? Or Is There Something Deeper Going On?

Over the past few years, I’ve heard from many men who feel like they’re under attack. They see headlines that paint men as the problem, experience changes in workplace culture, and hear messages that make them question their place in the world. Some are asking: Are men being targeted? Are we being villainized? These are real concerns, and they deserve a real conversation.

Many men feel unmoored right now—purposeless, forgotten, taken for granted. The data shows real struggles:

• Men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women. According to the CDC, nearly 80% of all suicide deaths in the U.S. are men.
• Men are enrolling in college at lower rates than women. In 2021, women made up nearly 60% of all college students, while men accounted for only 40%, a historic gap.
• Men report higher levels of loneliness and social isolation. A 2023 survey from the Pew Research Center found that men are significantly more likely than women to report having no close friends.
• Men are disproportionately affected by job automation and workforce displacement. According to the Brookings Institution, many traditionally male-dominated industries, like manufacturing and trucking, are seeing rapid declines due to automation and globalization.
• Fatherlessness is on the rise. Research from the U.S. Census Bureau shows that one in four children in the U.S. live without a father figure, which has long-term implications for both boys and girls in their emotional and social development.

These aren’t opinions. These are statistical realities. But they don’t tell the whole story. The deeper question isn’t just whether men are under attack—it’s why some men feel this way and what personal experiences contribute to that lens.

The Lens We Look Through

We all view the world through a particular lens, shaped by our experiences—especially the painful ones. Think of it like wearing yellow sunglasses for so long that you forget the world isn’t actually yellow. When you believe men are under attack, every piece of information gets filtered through that assumption. But is that lens serving you?

For me, I don’t feel attacked as a man. But I could have made up that story plenty of times.

• A woman once called me a misogynist when she learned I ran men’s groups. By the end of the conversation, she wanted her boyfriend to join one.
• On dating apps, I was asked if my men’s groups were really men’s rights groups or white supremacist spaces. I found that sad, but not insulting.
• When Nick and I were writing our novel The Men’s Group, we were often told two straight white men writing about masculinity was a fool’s errand. That frustrated me, but I chose to believe in our message rather than feel silenced.

My lens isn’t that men are being attacked. My lens is that men are suffering—and so are women. So are all humans. And that suffering often comes from unhealthy relationships and power dynamics that have existed for generations. As women have stepped into their power, many men have clung to the wreckage of an old world that no longer serves them—or anyone else. Some resist change. Some struggle to adapt. But there’s an opportunity to evolve.

The Power of Owning Your Story

If you feel like men are under attack, I invite you to examine your personal experiences. Where does that belief come from? What moments in your life shaped that perspective? Because there’s an origin story behind how you see the world. Identifying that story is a step toward taking back your power.

This isn’t about right or wrong. It’s about recognizing that our beliefs shape our actions and our results. If you see yourself as a victim in the world, you’ll act from that place. If you see yourself as a man with agency—who can navigate challenges, have hard conversations, and shape his own future—your experience will change.

The Questions We Should Be Asking

Instead of asking, Are men under attack? I believe there are more valuable questions:

• Why do I feel this way?
• What experiences in my life shaped this perspective?
• How does this belief serve me—or hold me back?
• What new story can I create for myself?

Are some people attacking men? Absolutely—just like some people are attacking women, immigrants, LGBTQ+ people, military personnel, bankers, AI executives, and coaches (seriously, read the online critiques of coaching). But the more important conversation is how you see the world and how that view impacts your life.

To the men reading this: What are the lenses you see masculinity through? How do those lenses shape your actions, your relationships, and your sense of purpose? The more we reflect on these questions, the more power we have to shape a world where all of us—men and women alike—can thrive.

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This Post is republished on Medium.

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Photo credit: iStock