I talked to my ex this morning. I was out of Himalayan sea salt and remembered he’d called a few weeks back, letting me know he was ordering some and asking if he should get me some too. We save buying in bulk.
So I called him to ask if he’d gotten the salt, and when could I pick it up.
He sounded sad. I know he misses me. He’s been struggling.
He left me over 2 years ago for another woman.
When he left, I told him, “Be very sure when you walk out that door. Because if you do, you are not coming back.”
When he split up with the other woman, he wanted to come back to me. I reminded him of what I’d told him. He didn’t realize I’d meant every word.
Today, I asked him if he regretted leaving me.
“Every day,” he said. “I regret it every day.”
“I regret it sometimes too,” I said. “Because what we had was good. But you can’t go back.”
“Because you’re dating other people…” he began.
“No,” I said. “That’s not it. It’s because I used to trust you. When you betrayed me — you broke that trust. And that’s not something that comes back.”
He got it. I think he needed to hear it, to accept responsibility. Because he has a tendency sometimes to blame other people for his problems, and it’s important, in life, to accept responsibility.
There is a saying, “The perfect is the enemy of the good”. And it’s true. I’ve seen how that worked in my own failed marriage.
We had a good marriage but it wasn’t perfect. Because we are both flawed human beings. Everyone is.
The problem was that my ex wanted more. He left me based on his dreams of perfection. He forgot that the first few months of any relationship are always perfect. But that’s not what lasts.
So he left me for the promise of perfection and now he lives with regret.
But I have regrets too. Because, during the course of our marriage, there were times I treated him with less respect than I should have, because I too sometimes craved perfection. I also forgot to appreciate what I had.
I’ve learned an important lesson, too. It’s important to appreciate what we have when it’s good instead of taking it for granted because it’s not perfect.
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This post was previously published on a Few Words and is republished here with permission from the author.
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