My boyfriend’s best friend has been single for quite some time.
The three of us hang out fairly frequently, and during dinner one evening, he decided to pop the question and ask me for some advice on asking a girl out.
I figured I’d share what I told him in case anyone out there is also looking for a bit of advice.
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First off, be confident in yourself.
A lot of men get rejected before they even pop the question because of their lack of confidence.
This is why it’s important to understand your worth, know what you bring to the table, and have a good grasp of who you are and what you deserve. In addition, there are also a few external things you can do that will help.
For example, don’t slump your shoulders and stare at the ground. Don’t cross your legs and talk like you’re insecure about your own voice.
Keep your chest up, stand up straight, smile confidently, look into the eyes of the woman you’re interested in, and stay engaged.
Also — look the part. Don’t dress like a slob and expect the girl of your dreams to say yes to you. You don’t need to show up in a tailored 3-piece suit, but ensuring you’re clean, collected, and polished doesn’t hurt.
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Don’t confuse kindness with attraction.
It’s important to gauge someone’s interest if you intend on asking them out.
Some women don’t like being blindsided. It makes them feel like you’re putting them in an awkward and uncomfortable position, which makes them less likely to agree to go on a date with you.
It’ll depend on the mood, the woman, the environment, and who is doing the approaching in general, which is why you have to learn to gauge interest and not confuse someone’s “thank you” with an “I like you.”
Example: You’re at a coffee shop, you see a really cute girl reading a book and sipping on an iced latte. Shoot her a few glances. Lock eyes a couple of times. If she smiles and doesn’t look away — give it a go.
If she’s stonefaced and avoids your gaze like the plague — don’t approach her with the, “I was sitting over there, and I noticed you looking at me and thought I could get your number.”
Coffee shops were my favorite place to hang out at when I was single. I never got into online dating, and I always figured I’d meet a man the old-fashioned way. You never know who’s going to ask you to borrow your charger.
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Keep your approach simple.
This is the simple part. Swallow your fears, walk right up to your dream girl, and ask her if it would be okay if you got her number.
“I was wondering if you’d be interested in having a coffee with me?”
*Pause* if she says yes, then proceed with, “Great, could I have your number?”
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The date.
Don’t just go to a random place if you’re really interested in her. Make her feel like you’ve put in some effort.
If you agreed on a coffee date — keep it simple by all means, but if you’re going on a date date, then take some time to figure out what she’s interested in.
Ask her about her favorite cuisines or hobbies. “What do you do in your free time? What’s your favorite food? What’s the best spot you’ve eaten at?”
For example, I’m not a sports bar kind of girl; I don’t like dive bars or junk food. If I’d been taken to one of those spots on a first date, I’d feel awkward, out of place, and most likely wouldn’t know what to order.
So take some time figuring out your date’s interests and surprise her with something she’d genuinely enjoy.
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During the date.
Are you listening to respond or listening to understand?
A lot of first dates go awry because people want to make the date all about themselves.
They want to take that spotlight and shine it on all of their accomplishments, the trivial moments in their lives, and how fantastic they are because they want to impress the person they’re with.
However, this completely backfires because it makes the other individual feel like you’re not actually interested in them; you just want to brag about yourself or complain about how frustrating your life is (I can vouch that I have been on dates where all the guy does is complain about his life.)
In that case, one might think you need a therapy session — not a relationship.
Recently, one of my closest friends went on a date with a guy she met online. Not only was he an hour late, but the whole conversation revolved around him, his dating history, and his aspirations for the future.
My friend said,
“I’d gone through the appetizer, main entree, dessert, and two glasses of wine before I got two words in: check please.”
First impressions are huge, so instead of talking all about yourself — ask her questions. Listen. Engage. If she’s the right woman for you, she’ll ask you questions as well and reciprocate.
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After the date.
Don’t overthink this.
If you had a good time and want to see her again, text her saying that. Don’t wait for her to text you, don’t wait for a “best time” because if she liked you and the date went well, she’ll be more than happy to hear from you.
As a woman, I can confidently say a post-date text is a great way to get a second date.
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The bottom line is to be confident, know what you bring to the table, and shoot your shot. You never know what might happen.
Don’t feel discouraged if someone says no, because at the end of the day, a no from someone doesn’t mean you’re never going to be in a relationship. It just means they’re not the right person for you
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Wiktor Karkocha on Unsplash