Are we ready for a non-monogamous society? Rebecca Gould shares her thoughts.
We live in a monogamous age. With the demise of the nuclear familiar and the increasing recognition granted to alternative sexualities, that age is slowly coming to an end.
When justice Anthony Kennedy concluded the United States’ Supreme Court ruling legally recognizing gay marriage with the claim that “No union is more profound than marriage,” he captured the spirit of the times, but he missed the pulse of the future. The Supreme Court’s expansion of the meaning of marriage beyond heterosexual relations was a step in the right direction, but the real triumph, for men and women alike, will come only when marriage itself is dissolved.
Many unions are more profound than marriage, including the forms of heterosexual and homosexual love that marriage validates. Love precedes marriage, and in a non-monogamous world, it will not require the validation of the state.
In a non-monogamous world, men will not fear the men against whom they now compete for partners. Courtship rituals will become less codified than they are now, and women will become equal partners with men in the search for love. They will enjoy the same flexibility as men do with regard to sexual relations, and men will feel less pressured to define themselves as what women are not.
In a non-monogamous world, women will not squander their lives trying to find the perfect man. Intimacy will be an ever-present possibility, and the biological clock will not overdetermine the life trajectory.
In a non-monogamous world, it will be harder to conflate love with the ego, and more difficult to use others to hide from ourselves.
Differences between men and women will become less regimented and people will be free to identify with the gender that most suits them in a given moment.
In a non-monogamous world, there will be less security. But there will also be less taking-the-other-for-granted.
Will a non-monogamous give us better lives than our heteronormative society does? New arrangements will have to be made for children, but non-monogamy will not suit everyone. But those who are at present excluded from our monogamous society will for the first time be able to be themselves.
Where monogamy is seen as an aberration rather than the norm, hypocrisy will have less room to fester.
Are these predictions the product of a utopian mind?
Non-monogamy will generate new difficulties—as it has throughout human history—but on balance men and women would both be better off if left free to explore their sexuality with multiple partners, outside the bonds, and illusions, fostered by monogamy’s law.
Source: 30dB.com – Monogamy
“Looks like social media on the skeptical side of monogamy which is indexing at only 48% positive. From the sentiment expressions people are using the societal staple may be in trouble.” — Howard K. 360db