Rocky periods don’t define a relationship.
What matters is how you work through your problems.
My favorite couples have taught me to fight, hold on to the hurt, and make the problem a bigger deal. But this has the opposite effect of what I wanted. I wanted to feel closer to my partner.
It’s the way how you cope together that causes pleasant change to happen.
The decision is okay as long as you make one.
A great way to handle a relationship issue is to decide.
What if you ask for more time? The other person could get upset. And that’s natural. But this is a decision that leads to a more informed one later.
The problem persists when you get the time to think, but don’t make a choice.
Partners who pick a course of action give attention to a solution rather than making the “right” choice. Acting on said decision takes the focus off the hurt.
And it redirects your energy to working on a way forward. So many times, the past gets used to win arguments. This time, it’s repurposed to reconnect with your partner.
Do you want to ease the pain during challenging times? Put the focus on healing together over rehashing the issue.
Photo by Tony Ross on Unsplash
A hard time deserves your gentlest soul.
I’ve heard it before. “People’s treatment of me has taught me how to act towards them.”
It works for people you no longer want to associate with on a deep level. But if you plan to stay in the relationship, think kind thoughts. It causes natural gentleness.
If your partner cheats, doing the same isn’t an ideal remedy. You’ll want to trust this person and the type of character they bring out in you.
Be present. Listen and communicate.
A sense of calm differs from quiet aggression or mentally checking out. It’s not about punishing the person with your absence of presence.
You’d take some time to gather your feelings. And then, gather them again with your partner within the space to ground you back into the relationship.
It prevents the continued thoughts of “I wish it didn’t happen.” And “how will I move past this?”
Healing together through the tough times is about doing it together. It’s a joint, intimate effort. So, the entertainment of defeating thoughts has less time to happen.
After the space, they still might be the last person you want to see. But it’s critical to have “us time” to ensure the disconnect you feel doesn’t grow.
Accept step ladder emotions.
Most people don’t experience happiness in their relationships because it’s a transitional emotion.
When you get angry at your partner, you wonder how you can ever be happy with them again. It takes time to realize happiness isn’t like a switch. It’s an elevator.
After your anger cools off, you rarely fall right back into happiness. You experience different emotional states like gratitude, empathy, relief, and laughter. Other people go through a broader range of moods.
I also had this expectation. No wonder it was so hard for me to forgive and move on. It’s a process.
After you forgive, you share a moment. You crack a smile, and then from there it is a lot harder to stay 100% mad.
Accept one new emotion in place of the anger you feel. Entertaining the replacement is continuous until you feel happy.
Thank you for reading this post.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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