Day 1: Wow, I can’t believe that school has been put on hold. We only have a month left. I bet we will be back in a week.
Day 7: We are not back. They are saying that by the end of April the kids should be back in school. I am hopeful.
Day 21: The school is now communicating by pony express. Society has begun to break down. The cheerleading squad has gone feral. This should be done by summer.
Day 30: Alright, so we can’t go anywhere for the first month of summer. That’s ok, I’ve got a ton of puzzles on sale and we’re going to bake some bread. Let’s do this!
Day 35: Note to self: 5-piece puzzles are way easier to do than 10,000-piece puzzles. Whose dumb idea was it to do puzzles?
Day 45: I have gone on Craigslist to see if anyone has a red puzzle piece from a 1985 Barn. It is all that matters to me now.
Day 50: I think I’m putting on weight.
Day 51: Just discovered that Door Dash will deliver doughnuts. Score!
Day 59: Amazon came with my new sweatpants today.
Day 63: For a fun movie night, I rented a streaming movie and set it up on a projector in the living room for the kids. I hung a sheet up as our screen. They are laughing, and it’s a good thing to hear in the house again.
Day 64: Sweatpants are the best.
Day 65: I am now wearing our movie screen as a toga. Much more comfortable than the sweatpants.
Day 80: Got word from the school that school for the fall has been delayed. It’s ok, I think people are finally starting to take this seriously.
Day 81: What the hell is an anti-masker? Is it some fad? I’m not sure, will check the news.
Day 90: I will never watch the news again. School let us know that they are going to be online now. They still don’t know when it’s going to start though. Also, the Doughnut Door Dash guy called and wanted to know if I wanted my usual.
Day 97: I think I’m gaining weight.
Day 100: Def gaining weight.
Day 105: I’m fat.
Day 110: Good news is that we got out of the house today! I rented a car and drove the family 8 hours to a cabin in the Rockies. No stops except for gas. And get this, it has WIFI so the kids can go to their first week of online school someplace awesome. #parenting win!
Day 111: WTF. The sky is a weird burnt orange and apparently there are wildfires 20 miles from us. It was 95 degrees today which makes no sense because there is no sun.
Day 112: It’s snowing. The snow mixes with the forest fire ash and makes this weird slush. We are down to a loaf of bread and diet soda. But at least the kids are getting school work done. I’m sure it will be sunny tomorrow and I can drive off this mountain.
Day 115: Finally leaving the Rockies. Fun fact: 4-wheel drive is really important up here. But I met a very nice tow truck driver and he gave me a discount.
Day 150: Everyone’s bored but at least school seems pretty easy. The kids only have one class a day. Halloween was nice. I built a catapult and threw candy at children. So that was fun.
Day 155: Getting a lot of emails from teachers. But I don’t have time to check them. I’m teaching the kids now and I’m not sure what the school is doing.
Day 156: Just discovered that we have 173 Zero’s in the kids’ grade book. Didn’t realize I had to check the hidden folder that is in the hidden folder for the correct assignments. Milestone: Kids learned to cuss today.
Day 170: It’s getting really cold. Christmas was fun, though. The kids and I did some baking. Built an entire second home out of Amazon boxes. Nice Christmas card from the Doughnut Guy.
180: It’s 15 below. My beard twitches at the sound of groaning pipes.
187: It hasn’t been over O for a freaking week. My new slippers are now my old slippers, so I had to order a new pair. I think the Amazon guy was wearing them before they were delivered.
188: The hot water pipe burst. Didn’t sleep at all waiting for it. Such a loud bang. Wife asked, “Is the rapture finally here?” But dad win: got the water turned off in 10 seconds flat. Plumber should be out tomorrow.
189: Plumber couldn’t make it today. Melted snow for toilet water.
190: No plumber. See previous entry.
191: No plumber. See previous entry.
192: We can use the bathroom now! Gave the plumber the number for my doughnut guy.
201: I think I have anxiety issues. Not sleeping, waking up cranky and tired. I teach the kids all day, get them to do their assignments, but I’m always on edge.
225: Ok, definitely got anxiety. Started watching the news again. Finally told my wife who is making me go to the doctor. This is stupid, I should just tough this out.
230: Holy hell anti-anxiety pills are awesome!
250: The eight-year-old has started wearing a smoking jacket to his zoom class meetings. I have no idea where he got it.
255: The teacher really doesn’t like smoking jackets.
265: I’m wearing a smoking jacket now, too to show support for my son. Also, they are more comfortable than my toga. Good call, little man.
Day 300: I’m not sure what day it is.
Day 315: Not sure what month it is.
Day 330: I had to ask my Alexa what year it was today.
Day 340: Time to lose that Pandemic weight!
Day 341: I’ll work out tomorrow.
Day 342: I’ll work out tomorrow.
Day 343: I’ll work out tomorrow.
Day 350: Man, we’ve been on lockdown for almost a whole year. My 15-year-old daughter has yet to talk to a single teacher or have a class meeting. I even checked the hidden folders. Nope, no class meetings.
Day 365: Today is a great day! I got my vaccine! But I still can’t go anywhere because the kids don’t have the vaccine so I’m just going to pop an extra happy pill as I deal with this parental guilt that I got vaccinated before my kids. I can’t make it much longer. This year has been really, really hard. I have to write in the closet to get any alone time.
Day 366: I found the red puzzle piece to the barn! It was buried in the yeast we bought last year. I hate bread. Doughnut guy named his first kid after me.
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