When going down the internet rabbit hole one day, I stumbled across a video of Elon Musk (you know, the eccentric dude who sends people to the moon and makes pretty cars) discussing wishful thinking.
One of the biggest mistakes people generally make, and I’m guilty of it too, is wishful thinking. You know, like you want something to be true, even if it isn’t true. You ignore the real truth, because of what you want to be true. This is a very difficult trap to avoid.
It pierced my heart. Running with wishful thinking has been my life’s MO. To my defense, reading stories like Cinderella which predicate on the belief that “a wish is a dream your heart makes” fueled this idea. Someone at Disney taught me to wish upon a star, dammit.
When I get a loose eyelash, I still make a wish on it. I don’t think it’s provided any measurable success and yet, I continue to do it.
Wishful thinking is like the thrill of a lottery ticket. During a window of time (whether it’s one day or one lifetime), rational thinking is replaced with a beat of a heart and a hope that something important will happen. Whether it’s plausible or not is irrelevant.
There is a thrill that comes with wishful thinking. It whisks us away to a fantasy land in our minds. Wishful thinking that your CEO is impressed with your project leads to daydreaming of a future life of career success. Wishful thinking that the cute boy in class will notice you in your new dress which then follows with daydreams and imagery of dating, kissing, and holding hands.
My mother is an orphan. Her wishful thinking was that a long lost relative died and she would be the final heir to the money.
It wasn’t about the money. It was about the fantasy of what would happen after the money; she could afford to leave my dad and pursue her dreams.
As Elon Musk stated, “the real truth” is the opposite of wishful thinking. Sadly the real truth in comparison isn’t fun, glamorous, or emotionally-satisfying. Wishful thinking is a coping mechanism, even if it’s hoping that your lunchtime eatery will finally serve pastrami sandwiches. No, Bob, that sushi restaurant isn’t going to serve sandwiches today. But if that’s what you need to muster the energy to meet your coworkers for lunch, then continue your wishful thinking.
Is it harmful? Or is it an acceptable coping mechanism to survive life?
I’m an action-oriented person. When I want something done, rather than dwell on it I’ll make the change myself. However, I’m a chronic wishful-thinker when it comes to love.
How else can you approach love? It needs at least one other person. That’s an unpredictable wildcard. As much as I wish I could control love the way I take control of everything else, I can’t.
To go without that wishful thinking is terrifying. It forces me to acknowledge that my future vision of love has a low chance of success since I can’t directly influence it today. I have a knot in my stomach from writing that. I can’t plan the love I want today so all I can do is rely on wishful thinking as my coping mechanism to survive the night. And tomorrow. And the day after. The thought of removing wishful thinking from this equation feels like my lungs have lost all breathing capabilities.
Giving it up is a tall order.
Elon Musk’s quote continues with,
But, if you just take that approach of that you’re always to some degree wrong and your goal is to be less wrong.
In a nutshell, homeboy is a wet blanket raining on our parade with this little thing called a “reality check”. I’ve been stuck at home since March, my world is filled with too many reality checks. Being proactive isn’t an option right now towards my goals.
Wishful thinking is a useful coping strategy, at least in the short run. The actual act of wishful thinking doesn’t work; you can’t magically dream your goal into fruition. Without blind hope however, humans would probably hurl themselves off cliffs when faced with internal struggles.
Right now, clinging to my wishful thinking is all I have to get through the day. It’s probably healthier than say, heroin.
Giving up wishful thinking to lead a happier life is, ironically, wishful thinking. I’ll cling to my dreams with a grip strength tighter than Spanx until reality allows me to progress forward with my goals.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by Ben White on Unsplash