I’m pushing week six on self-isolation island and it’s been quite a ride. I’ll admit I’ve had it better than most in that I live in a house in the suburbs and not in an apartment or condo in the city. I have friends sitting life out in apartments in New York City right now and for them, this pandemic has been a literal prison sentence. Their fire escape in the back alley is the go -to place for fresh air and toilet paper ran out a week ago. I didn’t have the heart to ask how they manage that.
Then there are those people around the country (and the world) who are sick and dying at the hands of this unimaginable virus. Let’s just say that I’m very thankful that I’m healthy and living relative comfort.
That being said, this self-isolation does wear on even the best of us and although there does seem to be an end in sight, it’s a murky one that could be very elastic in time and scope. Still, the possibility of getting back to a new (old) normal got me thinking about some of the things I want to do when the shackles are off and we’re able to go back to get our lives back.
1) Travel to… anywhere.
2) Fist bump every doctor or nurse I see – With the handshake likely to go extinct, or at least in long-term hibernation after this pandemic, the fist bump will mos def be making a big comeback. I am in actual awe of the incredible work these medical professionals are doing right now to save lives. Some of the ER’s look worse than actual war zone ERs. These men and women are on the front lines and deserve all thanks and appreciation they can get.
3) Smoke a cigar – My wife told me that I can’t smoke cigars because the smoke can get in your lungs and if you get the virus it can make things worse for you. As we are both major social-distancers who rarely leave the house, I find this a silly reason to not do something I love, but I love my wife more so no cigars from me. The day we’re set free I have a date with Mr. Monte Cristo!
4) Let my pug Buddy go down a slide again – My super pug, Buddy, actually loves to go down slides at the park. I just say,” you wanna go on the slide?” and he climbs the stairs and launches himself excitedly down the slide. It’s both adorable and friggen hilarious. Unfortunately, yet understandably, all the jungle gyms in my hood are off-limits to prevent passing along the virus. When they open back up, Buddy, we’re going sliding again baby!
5) Stop ordering so much from Amazon – Just kidding. I’m not an idiot.
6) Order Chinese food – My wife and I have a Chinese take-out place we used to love to order from. It’s the best. Amazingly, it’s the only restaurant we frequent that is not open for pickup or delivery during this self-isolation period. I can only think it’s because the “Chinese” virus, as our President called it, has people scared to order anything from a place that has the word “Chinese” on the front door. Sad, but true.
7) Apologize to all the Doomsday Preppers – I’ve watched all those prepper shows on TV before and I always felt those people are nuts. “Doomsday is coming?” Really? Ya, right! I now owe all of them a deep, sincere apology and I’ll give it to them right after I go out to Costco and buy a pallet of toilet paper to store in my garage.
8) Learn how to cut my own hair – I have an actual friend who has been cutting his hair for 16-years. Oh, and he is not a hairstylist and never has been, he just knows how he likes his hair cut so he decided to take on the task himself. I used to think he was nutty for doing that, but his hair always looks great and I just took a look in the mirror after my wife cut my hair and well… crap, she’s probably going to read this article, “It looks great honey… really!”
9) Delete the Zoom or Houseparty apps from my phone/computer… But right after I try to buy stock in the companies that created them. Genius bastards!
10) Cut back on my hand washing so now I will only wash ‘em 37 times a day. It seems like a lot, I know, but good (new) habits die hard.
Well, that’s it. I’m sure I’ll think of more things to add to it later, but for now, I’ll just dream a little dream… and wait for the day when my to-do list has been all checked off. Until that day, I will make do and do my time in self-isolation like a man. Besides, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this fight to get my life back. There are billions of people who are just like me, making their post-pandemic to-do lists, and with the same desire to beat this virus back into extinction.
And when that day comes and we are back out into the light again, we’ll look back on this period of our lives with amazement and dread, but also with one more important to-do to check off our list… cherish our lives, each other, and live each day the best way we can!
—