Are you looking for the “magic” technique that will drive your wife crazy in the bedroom? Surprise! There is no such thing. That isn’t just because, while all women have the same parts, not everything works with each woman. To add to the confusion, what your wife likes may change from encounter to encounter. This has to do with where she is emotionally, mentally, and physically.
So, what’s a guy to do? Is there anything that can consistently turn your woman on? In a word, yes. Now before I tell you what it is, I need to share with you that your immediate reaction may be, “well, that’s not fair.” And, you’re right. It’s not. But do you want fair or hot?
The one thing your wife really wants is for you to approach sex with confidence. When you are confident about what where you want to take her, she can let go. She can get out of her head and into her body where she will be more receptive to you.
Part of the reason married couples get into a sexual routine is because it works. But predictability is not necessarily conducive to igniting her desire. And there isn’t any reason to limit yourselves in the bedroom. This doesn’t mean you have to get wild and kinky, though there’s nothing wrong with it if you do.
What’s really a turn on for her is to know she can relax and trust that you have a plan. And, she can feel when you don’t. If she starts to wonder where you are going to touch her, how, and for what length of time, she ends up in her head and everything grinds to a halt.
Sexual confidence isn’t about learning a bunch of techniques. Yes, having a certain level of skill is a definite plus. But confidence is about how you feel about using the skills and techniques you already have with assurance. What’s really at play here is how present and attuned you are. Being aware of how your partner is responding and adjusting what you are doing is what will take your intimacy to a whole new level.
One example of confidence is initiating conversations about what your wife really enjoys. (Never have this conversation in bed, especially if you are making love.) Start with sharing what you have noticed seems to turn her on. Ask what, if anything, she would like you to do differently. Take what she says to heart and put it into practice. Become attuned to how her body reacts as you are interacting with her. Stay present, don’t let your mind wander to what’s next. Confidence is trusting that you know.
The more consistently you have these conversations, the more open you will both be about what’s happening between the sheets. As you demonstrate your willingness to hear and implement what she shares, the more she will trust you and the more open she will become.
Confidence is also not overreacting if something doesn’t go quite right. How you handle the misfires lets her know how much she can let go. If she is worried about protecting you, she won’t be able to be honest about what she is experiencing. This will take her back into her head and you will misinterpret her physical responses, if you don’t miss them altogether.
If you’re thinking, “Why do I have to take the lead? Why do I have to set myself up for rejection?” I get it. The truth is you don’t. If you’re satisfied with the type of level and intimacy you have, keep on keeping on. But, if your wife isn’t enjoying sex, how much you will is limited. Women need to be able to completely surrender to their bodies for maximum enjoyment. When you make this possible—Fireworks!
This post was previously published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished here with permission from the author.
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