Have you ever sat there and heard a friend share some struggle and you have the perfect solution? It is easy to see answers to problems people share. The outside view helps us keep a clear perspective and remain objective rather than becoming emotionally entangled with the problem. Since it is easier to help others, how can we help ourselves? After all, if you are the friend and someone has the right answer for you, most of the time you shut down and plug your ears with a “nananananana” noise (insert Brené Brown’s example in her video on Blame).
So, how do we break from that pattern and apply the idea to our life?
If we are supportive of others as they discover what they need to do on their own, we become ambassadors for change, rather than instigators. As they move through life and develop insight into what they need to do to shift their mindset or paradigm, we can be present to encourage them along the path.
Insight comes when we stop long enough to listen, linger long enough on what passes the conscious mind, and practice what becomes profound.
A life change doesn’t have to take years, months, or even weeks. The beauty of seeing life in a new way or an idea in a fresh view can be the best prompting for change. The insight to make that shift happens in a blink. The moment your brain and your experience intersect with a new perspective, you get the freedom to choose.
If we wonder about life’s roads and refuse to learn from lessons, we stagnant and cease the development of healthy mental faculties. However, we can have the ah-ha awakening at any stage of life, which moves us from complacency to vibrancy.
How does insight happen?
For some, it’s listening to a friend share their story of victory. Others watch people grow and change and want what they have. They ask questions and then follow through with the ideas presented. Sometimes, insight happens like a flash, you see something, your brain connects with a past memory, and you are on your way.
As simple as it sounds, we cannot make another person have insight.
Freedom of choice is a natural gift. It strengthens your resolve. The action of choosing moves you to incorporate the idea into substantial change.
Insight = Awareness + Choice + Action
Awareness
Keeping an open mind helps you stay aware of what happens around you daily. Your mind is listening to everything you say, with silent negative self-talk or whatever you put into your mind via social media, news, or those around you.
If you fill your life with agitation, negative news stories, and gossip, you’ll build a mindset which keeps you dark, dank, and dismal. You’ll see the world in a pessimistic light. People who remain positive-focused will steer clear of you for a good reason.
Choice
The ultimate power is a personal choice. You make the choices, either by silent agreement or active change. If we don’t like something and we say nothing, nothing changes. Insight into whether something is good for us or not takes us only so far. We have to choose what we put in our life. If it doesn’t help us, why is it there?
Emotional balance and neutrality help with your choices. We use our options to judge others, whether what they do or say offends us and how we can best shift that paradigm. The more outward our judging others in behavior, the more depressed we might become, and the more our choices reflect isolation, despair, or discouragement. Our options will reflect that and create havoc even when life is calm if we are overly emotional.
When a thought enters your mind, you don’t have to entertain it other than acceptance and let it go. Buying into every concept your brain brings up sets you up for failure.
In their book, You Are Not Your Brain, Dr. Swartz and Dr. Gladding share the idea about false foreign invaders. They suggest, “These are thoughts, impulses, carvings, desires, urges, and sensations that are uncomfortable.” When they show up, your brain signals, “I need to change something.”
If you listen, you’ll become filled with insight. If you do not, you give into the nasty buggers. Your brain will send it into a revolving door of discouragement.
For instance, holding the idea in the cue of your mind sends it into a review. The more you push it down, the more it wants to surface and the louder the thought becomes. While you have a choice to let go of a thought, you also have a choice in review.
Action
The next component for insight comes from action. The moment your mind is aware is the moment for choice, and the action takes care of the behavior. What you repeatedly do, you will continue. The pattern you hold is the pattern your brain relies upon as you encounter life events.
If you have a pattern of negativity or judgmental focus, your brain has been habitually trained to go there within milliseconds. That’s a tough spot for you if you want to change. The uphill climb makes life more complicated when we resist taking action. If we roll over and allow our emotions and thoughts to run rampant, any insight we have will vanish just as fast as it arrives.
We might share it with others and try it out a couple of times, but we will not make a lasting insightful change without consistent action. We will quit. It is hard to make changes and more complex the older you become. If you want life to become centered around insight, personal growth, and healthy mindsets, you’ll need to choose an action each time you have an ah-ha moment.
You can change
Even if you feel you are set in your ways, you can still make a choice to change. Life doesn’t need to remain in a static, non-growth mindless direction. Try to pay attention to what your mind is sending you. If what you think doesn’t build you up or help anyone else become happier, stronger, or focused, let it go. You don’t have to attend to every thought you think. Its okay to let your mind wander and bring it back.
Remind yourself just because you think it doesn’t mean you need to ink it (share with another person). Many of the battles we face with family and loved ones would dissipate if we would simply stop sharing every thought we think. As you notice insightful thoughts, which help you mature, or thrive beyond your comfort zone, take action to improve yourself.
Only you can change you.
You can’t change anyone else.
One of the greatest gifts we can give to others is support, not coercion to change.
If things are not comfortable where you live, ask others to help you by sharing what matters and why. If they can help you out, perfect! If no one can come to an agreement on the best strategy, let it go. Sometimes, things are so difficult we may lose relationships if we can’t release control.
It is totally up to you what you want as an outcome.
Insight doesn’t have to be hard to implement. Start today! Listen to yourself, others, and find the peace between the chaos in your day to relax and ponder. As you improve yourself you might find your relationships thriving.
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This post was previously published on Curious.
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