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For some, there comes a time when life no longer exists in the same way. What worked in the past, now no longer works. How you lived, what you thought or believed, what motivated you, none of these things have the same weight.
It’s a wilderness place. But it is also a place of healing.
Unlike Jesus and his 40 days and 40 nights nightmare, full of detracting voices and calls to doubt what he knew, this place is instead, very still.
It is a place of knowing.
You know that you are changed. You know that you can never go back to how things were. You have grown from these things, this is true. But now there is no growth left.
It can be a scary place in its own way. Yet even the fear doesn’t feel real. It just seems like a weird echo from the past. Like, you should be scared, but you don’t really know how to be.
It feels very dream-like.
Some say this world is nothing but a dream and in this choiceless place that couldn’t feel more true.
What is most strange is that memories and emotions from the past flood your senses. They play out in your mind, but now you see them for what they are. You watch them and know that they have absolutely nothing to do with who you are now.
This choiceless place has rendered them harmless and meaningless.
You get to watch these memories and emotions with affectionate interest, but you do not get caught up in their drama. It is a curious place to be.
You become curious about what life holds for you now. Which new direction it is taking.
There can be chaos aplenty going on in your world. Indeed, there usually is. Yet rather than that chaos causing you to trip out, it too is watched with curiosity.
How strange it all seems.
This observing quality permeates everything you do, say or feel. You are the watcher of your life. The watcher of its chaos and resolution. You are the observer of both your feelings and your fears.
It feels like a choiceless place because you know something is unfolding without you. Something both strange and amazing. Yet this ‘thing’ cannot be named. It can only emerge, and only when it emerges will everything become clear.
The old life has ended, and the new life has not yet begun. So you ride the waves of emotions and let this profound life experience have its way. Allowing it all.
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