2022 really started off with a bang, didn’t it?
It has had some tight competition, to be fair. And while 2021 forced us to say goodbye to many, including (but not limited to) the heartbreaking demise of Bob Saget and the almost-centenarian, Betty White, for many citizens of the world, 2021 was just another awful year.
I think all the general complaints that polluted social media throughout 2021 prompted 2022 to take a huge swig from its red solo cup and loudly boom, “hold my beer.”
It’s no wonder we were blindsided. The light was almost visible in the long Covid tunnel we’ve been slogging our way through and, understandably, so many of us thought, “maybe this year, things will be better.”
They had to get better, right? When does the pendulum swing back in the other direction?
Now we’re looking at war (again) and another potential strain of the virus (again) and yet, the complaints about broken dishwashers and car trouble and paint swatches are somehow still flooding my social media pages.
What’s more, as people continue to complain about their first-world problems, they simultaneously dress up their profile portraits with their apparent support for a variety of causes — the latest “trend” is Ukraine.
Personally, I’m tired of all the virtue signalling. I’m tired of the same old rhetoric.
Mostly, though, I’m tired of all the complaining.
Death doesn’t bargain
When I think of Death, I think of a starchy business man with a clipboard, which is, admittedly, a pretty far cry from the cloaked figure with the scary sickle.
Death doesn’t make deals, and he doesn’t bargain; he books you. When it’s your time, that’s it — don’t complain to him. He doesn’t make the rules.
I’ll stop waxing poetic about Death now and get to my point — everyone dies, and sometimes, we die before we should. It’s a mixed bag and it’s not fair.
Recently, a pseudo-celebrity death hit home for me personally, because of some similarities between her and a dearly departed friend of my own. Jane Marczewski, who was 31 when she lost her battle with cancer last week, was a singer-songwriter living and working through her illness for the last several years of her young life.
She went by the name “Nightbirde” professionally and finally found success on America’s Got Talent, where she auditioned with her own song, “It’s Okay,” and famously made Simon Cowell — a man rumoured to have an actual heart of stone — get emotional.
She’s since done quite well, professionally, thanks to her proverbial 15 minutes of fame, but there was a higher plan for her, sadly; she wasn’t meant to remain in this plane of existence. She lost her battle, but her music will go on in her wake. That may bring some comfort to those left behind.
I hate to be the one to point this out, but her cancer likely played a huge part in her success. Throw in a dash of tragedy and, suddenly, fame (while entirely well-deserved; she had a beautiful voice and was a great writer) is that much closer to a guarantee. Regardless of her talent and drive, she would have been lost in a muted sea of other talented artists had it not been for her one, striking character difference — Jane was dying.
People love sad stories. You can go ahead and stop feeling outraged at this line of reasoning — the proof is in the pudding. Many artists find more success in death than they did in life, and that’s the tragic truth.
Misery really does love company.
What moved me in Nightbirde’s illness and untimely death was her way of looking at life — not death. Her smile, which lit up many a room, was full of that unbreakable will to live life to the fullest; a will that only those who know their time might be limited seem to have. Her smile spoke volumes about her freedom, her complete release from the petty things that hold us mere mortals to the ground.
She didn’t care about dry cleaning receipts or tire pressure or furnace cleaning or defrosting her freezer — none of those things mattered in the long run. She cared about living what life she had left, regardless of how long or short that may have ended up being.
As a dying woman, she was doing this whole life thing so much better than the rest of us; she was living it. Savouring it.
Hoarding it.
What she was not doing was complaining. What good would complaining have done for her, anyway?
We all die, but that doesn’t mean that we all really live. Nightbirde’s story is not a lesson about dying well — it’s about living well.
Start appreciating your little piece of the world
The current state of things globally is a stern example of the incredible fragility of peace. Security is no guarantee. Life itself isn’t even a guarantee.
The only true guarantee is that no one lives forever. Our time is limited, no matter how long or short that time is.
We argue about the stupidest things imaginable, and for what?
To be right? To win? What’s the prize for that?
I think it’s time that we collectively realize how lucky we are, even if we are sick and poor and lost and suffering from addiction. Even if we’re dying.
We’re all dying anyway, eventually. The only difference is time.
It’s time to start appreciating our blessings. If you stop to look around, I’m sure you can find a few, at least. Even if your life is in the gutter and you’re struggling, there are still things to be thankful for.
Need some inspo? Here are just a few of mine:
- The sound of my children’s laughter
- The feel of the sun on my face
- Sleeping in a warm bed with someone who loves me
- The freedom to be who I am
- My ability to love with abandon despite past circumstance
- Books and literature — and coffee
So when you catch yourself writing a scathing social media post about the mechanic who wronged you, or whining about your desk job, be mindful and stop. Just stop. Think about what you are doing.
Are you helping someone else by doing those things?
Or more importantly, will complaining change a single thing about your situation?
Imagine what you could say that would inspire someone else, or make them smile rather than frown. Imagine what could change if you simply shifted your attitude — or better yet, take these wise words from Maya Angelou:
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” — Maya Angelou
None of this means that you have to allow yourself to be a doormat or to continue to accept your unhappiness as something that is inevitable. Don’t like your job? Find a new one. It might be just as bad but at least you took control of your situation.
Tired of being single? Get on a dating site. Join your local softball team. Try something new. I can’t guarantee that you’ll go on a single date doing these things, but at least you’re trying.
At least you’re in the game. You have to admit, you’re so much more likely to meet someone if you go out and try than if you stay home complaining about how you never meet anyone.
I’m not a very mathy person, but even I know that’s a better formula for success.
If you don’t like your life, you can take steps to change it. No one gets everything they want in life, but we can all learn to accept what we have been given. Stop complaining about things you can’t change; stop wishing you had a different life.
Start living the life you have instead.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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