Showtime explores 4 deadly mistakes people make in building trust.
Most people would agree that the foundation of a happy relationship is trust. Without a certain level of trust in our relationships, we are pretty much just fooling ourselves and attempting to breathe life into something that is already dead. Trust comes with time, and if we expect someone to trust us we must not only be honest in the things that we say, but also there should be sincerity in the things that we do. As men, sometimes we can do things to lose the trust of a woman without even recognizing the signs that this part of our relationship is fading. Once that trust that we spent so much time building and working to have is gone, it’s usually gone forever.
So, what can we do to make sure that we keep the trust factor in our relationship intact? Well, here are five things that you should NOT do if you want to have a relationship built on trust.
1. Talk Down To Her or Belittle Her
A lot of times the things that we say have harsher consequences to those that we are speaking to than the things that we actually do. How can you expect to be respected in a healthy relationship when the woman can’t even trust you with her feelings and emotions? The focus of your words should be to uplift and empower her, not to make her feel small or insignificant. Two things in life that you can’t take back are the stone after its been thrown, and the words after they have been said. Once a woman sees that you are not compassionate and mindful of her feelings she is going to automatically begin to shut down and lose the emotional connection that you shared.
2. Be Inconsistent
There is nothing that screams dishonesty to a woman more than an inconsistent man. If you say you are going to do something, do it! If you say you are going to be somewhere, get there! If you say that you know what you want, you better find a way to prove it. Many times our words don’t match our actions. We can say one thing today, and by tomorrow we are doing something totally different. This is a red flag to many women because when they see the inconsistency factor within you they have make the decision that you are not the one to give them the things that they need in a relationship.
By the time you figure out that you need to decide what direction you want to move they already have their minds made up as to what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. Stand firm as a man and deliver on your words so there is no doubt in her mind that you are there to consistently provide her with the things that she needs to maintain the relationship. Most importantly, you must be there when she needs you.
3. Not Communicating Effectively
You can’t expect to get anywhere in your relationship if there is a lapse in your communication. The quickest way to end a relationship is by stonewalling and not tackling issues head on. Making the assumption that someone knows what you are thinking before you tell them is hardly the best way to sustain an emotional connection. We have to be sure that we are outright while saying what we mean and meaning what we say.
This form of unmitigated communication can help us avoid a world of trouble within our relationship if we just take a moment and say what is on our mind. Also, don’t think that communication is only about how well you speak. You must also listen with the same intent as you talk. Don’t just hear what she is saying, allow her words to penetrate your mind and take every word in. The last thing that a woman wants is to feel like she isn’t being taken serious because you aren’t listening to the things that she says about the matters that she feels are important.
4. Not Putting Her Needs Before Your Wants
Having the desire to want things to go our way is simple human nature. Most of us want things to go according to our plan because we feel like if they don’t we may be in jeopardy of losing something important. But what happens when you get so caught up in what you want that you forget about what the woman needs? Many times we allow our desire for certain situations to go in our favor to outweigh our impact of meeting the needs of the person we care about. One of the major factors in true love is selflessness. Sometimes you have to walk away from the things that you want in order for the person that you love to get what they need. Once both individuals begin to project a true spirit of selflessness within the relationships the trust factor will come easily because both people will understand that its no longer about me, but all about we.
Lets begin to open our eyes and walk with a spirit of trustworthiness in our relationships. That way we can eliminate all of those unnecessary that are holding us back from having the happiness that we deserve. Give up those things taht are preventing us from growing so that you can be the man that she needs you to be.
Originally appeared at The Single Fathers Blog
Photo: Flickr/Jesslee Cuizon