I was listening to a recent podcast from politics podcast, The Run-Up, about why some Black voters, particularly Black male voters, are turning towards Trump. One respondent, when asked why he preferred Trump to Biden, said something like:
“Trump does what he says he’s going to do. Biden does not.”
I’m not here to evaluate the truth of that statement, even if my politics says believes otherwise. But “doing what you said you would do” was framed in the podcast by a lot of the Black male students as a more traditionally male value of action rather than talk. Trump, as it was framed by some, is a man of action. Biden, on the other hand, talked about action and focused more on foreign affairs than people at home. As such, for voters souring on Biden towards Trump, Trump was seen as the man of commitment, integrity, and
Again, it’s a lot more complicated than believing Trump does what he says he would while Biden does not. But I did want to analyze the sentiment and the value a bit, because even though I disagreed with what was being said and how it was framed, the conversation resonated with me.
It is incredibly important to me to do what I said I would do.
At work and in other areas of my life, I make promises. I make a lot of promises. And sometimes, even when I’m stretched thin and shouldn’t promise to do something, I’ll overpromise. I say I’ll do something, forget about it for a day or a few days, realize “oh crap, I promised I would do that,” and then take care of it.
When I tell a parent I’ll call them about their kid’s progress or an issue they’re having, I do it. When I tell a colleague I’ll take care of something for them, like a report or a work task, I do it. When I tell a student I’ll do something, like refer them for a job or agency that can get them a job (with their parent’s written consent), I do it. When I tell my wife I’ll take care of something around the house, I do it.
But I’m not going to romanticize it too much. Do I always do what I say I’ll do right away? No — I’m regularly late and often need a lot of reminders, just like other people do. Sometimes in the middle of doing what I said I would do, I shake my head at myself for not setting good enough boundaries for my mental health, overpromising, and taking care of something that’s someone else’s responsibility instead of my own. Unfortunately, I regret to also say I lag behind on doing what I said I would do for tasks I might see as a lower priority.
Right now, for example, I have final exams for law school, and have a mountain of dishes I promised I would do. They’ve been sitting there for over a day, and I haven’t gotten to them like I said I would, and one way I could be a better husband and partner is staying on top of housework and taking more proactive measures to maintain a clean house.
I digress — there are times I don’t do what I said I would do or promised. It’s usually something I said at the moment to be polite and when I didn’t accurately gauge my own abilities or bandwidth. It’s a time when I wanted to be more and push myself beyond what I was actually capable of.
And there are times I, like anyone, have to back out of a time I overpromised and admit my hubris got the best of me. It’s a very human thing, just like anyone else does to their spouse, their family, their friends.
The promises you make to yourself
Beyond the promises we make to others, I think there are times we engage in an internal dialogue. There are times we engage in an internal dialogue where we promise ourselves we will do X or Y. It’s the intellectual, cerebral, and rational parts of ourselves trying to pull along the emotional subconscious into a sense and image of what we want ourselves to be or what we want ourselves to do.
Personally, I fall short of these promises all the time. I tell myself I’ll get a certain amount of sleep. I tell myself I’ll accomplish X and Y on a given day, including taking out the trash, completing a certain report, studying a certain amount, or going to bed at a certain time. I tell myself I’ll catch up with friends or have certain quality time with my wife. I tell myself I’ll be kinder to myself, that I’ll take care of my health and my mental health.
If I overpromise to others, I most certainly overpromise to myself. There are so many things I want to do and accomplish that sometimes I aim high and feel like I want to conquer the world on a given day, so even if I fall a bit short, at least I did the best I could. I still feel the former more than the latter, and beat myself up when I feel like I could have done a lot better.
Doing what you said you would do is still a respected value
There are plenty of reasons why people respect people who do what they say they’ll do, or at least fall short a lot less often than others. For one, people who do what they say they’ll do are seen as trustworthy. They’re seen as reliable. They’re seen as people with integrity and honesty. It’s a trait of a leader and someone who knows how to get things done.
Of course, life happens. We struggle with our mental health and some of us have debilitating mental illnesses. Accidents and emergencies happen. Sometimes, we just forget. We get overwhelmed. We overpromise and give others too much hope of how much we can help them and how much we can do for them.
It’s important to be realistic and rein in the tendency to promise too much. While what we do for other people is important, it’s even more important we do what we promised we would do for ourselves. We start to trust ourselves more and respect ourselves more.
Of course, this is all high in the clouds, holier than thou talk that doesn’t account for real-world conditions. At the end of the day, it’s a lot easier said than done. But there’s no shame in aiming high and having high standards of who we want to be, even if we fall short.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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