This article is about both connections between socio-cultural issues (an attempt to connect the dots between a number of seemingly disparate issues), but it is also about human connection between people (or lack thereof).
I believe those two things are, for lack of a better word, connected.
What we have here is human disconnectedness caused – in part – or at least greatly contributed to – by technological (over)connectedness. Another big contributing factor, I believe, is our traditional gender norms around masculinity.
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Think about the phenomenon of employers “ghosting” during an interview process when they aren’t giving a candidate the job. I’ve learned it is quite common these days to not let that person know. You just stop communicating.
When you apply for jobs by firing resumes into portals instead of writing letters or emails to people and communicating with individuals it depersonalizes the process. Maybe it’s more efficient. Is it better? Don’t know. (Am I old? Yes.)
I’ve also noticed that interview candidates have by and large stopped sending “the thank you for meeting me” courtesy emails.
It’s the flip side of the same issue. “If you’re just going to ghost me when I don’t get it, I’m not going to pretend we have a relationship.”
And I think it’s a way WAY bigger issue than in the recruiting and interviewing process.
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Think about the way we work. Emails and redlines instead of meeting and talking. That can be more efficient. But it’s less creative and collaborative. And surely its way more isolated.
And if I may take a step out onto my lawn to yell at the neighbor’s kids: This is also about students distracted and with their heads down looking at their phones and a generation that feels less comfortable making eye contact or shaking hands.
This disconnection, particularly in men and boys – exacerbated by long-held and enforced cultural gender norms about masculinity being about toughness and non-expression of feelings and emotions – leads to a lot of anger and a lot of inability to healthily manage it.
I believe this is the culprit in so many kinds of violence for which we are seeing unprecedented increases in our modern age: mass gun violence, suicide, and sexual violence:
- Gun violence is anger (and an inability to healthily deal with that anger) turned outwards and unleashed on the world.
- Some say depression is anger (and an inability to healthily deal with that anger/frustration) turned inwards. Suicide is the nadir of depression when you feel so hopeless and helpless and in pain, that dying seems like the better alternative to living.
- Sexual assault, rape, and sexual violence committed by men arise, in large part I believe, due to both anger and frustration directed inward and misplaced anger and frustration directed outward.
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So I think the dots between all of these issues – our feelings of isolation, eroding social norms about manners, work culture, and increasing rates of suicide, mass shootings, and sexual assault – are tightly connected.
And so are we. As human beings.
We are social creatures.
While we are in many ways more connected than ever before, we are in many more important ways more disconnected than the human race has been in a long time.
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This post was previously published on Threadreaderapp.com and is republished on Medium.
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“Some say depression is anger (and an inability to healthily deal with that anger/frustration) turned inwards. Suicide is the nadir of depression when you feel so hopeless and helpless and in pain, that dying seems like the better alternative to living. Sexual assault, rape, and sexual violence committed by men arise, in large part I believe, due to both anger and frustration directed inward and misplaced anger and frustration directed outward. So I think the dots between all of these issues – our feelings of isolation, eroding social norms about manners, work culture, and increasing rates of suicide, mass shootings,… Read more »