I write about my real life.
I’m always taking from my real life. I’m describing events and people in my life. My emotional commentary comes from my experience. You could say I’m steadfast in the belief that I only speak about what I’ve experienced to be true.
I know others are the same. Outside of writing or creative pathways, those building a business aren’t immune. I met a woman who started creating baby clothes to support her sister’s desire for better infant fashion. Once the woman launched her business, do you think the sister bought from her?
No. Not a single dollar.
I can relate to this woman’s feeling. It would seem after years of writing, I can’t convince the people in my life to read my work. And now that I’m concentrating my narration to my experience, there is less support than ever.
The ‘Supportive’ Hypothesis
I’ve been working on a ‘personal to professional distancing’ theory. The reason why the people in your personal life can’t support or engage in your professional endeavours. My research began with my writing, the stories that have defined my life.
My stories aren’t fiction, yet they aren’t non-fiction. They meet in this middle ground of twisted reality, where names and places change. And where the facts twist ever so much to protect the people within it.
Yet, if you know me, the stories would sound familiar. The events would feel close to home, and you may recognise yourself in the writing.
And this where my hypothesis begins: I assumed that the closer to the truth the stories are, the more invested the people within should be to read it.
If someone was writing something based on my life, I would want to read it. If I knew it was about someone I knew, I would read the stories to learn more about them. I would want to become more immersed in their life.
But in my case, the opposite is happening. And for many people, I know this is the same. This leads to me the more accurate theory: the closer to home the endeavour is, the less support you will receive.
Why Do People Back Away?
What I’ve come to realise is the power of reactions. We are all emotional beings at our core, and we’re always responding to situations in our own unique way. And when we put ourselves on the line, this evokes emotions in people they didn’t know they had.
There are too many sore spots with what we’re doing
I’m sure the people I know don’t want to relive their past antics, the best and worst. Especially with the way I’m telling it. Break-ups, mistakes, drunken stupidity that retells memories in a way they don’t like. The reliving of it is just too painful.
And perhaps the same lies in our professional opportunities. We open a business, and we evoke painful failure memories. We remind them of what hasn’t worked out for them. Though what we think we’re doing is positive doesn’t always resonate with others.
They don’t get what you’re trying to do, or you haven’t told them
I’ve spoken about my writing, but I will admit I haven’t been on the megaphone to my family and friends about it. The world has become one enormous advertisement, and we’re saturated with supportive demands. Once we add our voice to this noise, it’s easy to become lost.
Some people need your direction, too. They don’t understand the importance of liking your Instagram posts or telling their friends about you. Because for most ‘conventional’ careers, this isn’t needed. There will be people in your life who don’t realise the importance of their support for what you’re trying to achieve.
They don’t support what they don’t believe in
I know my writing can be controversial at times. It can tell stories that others would want dead and buried. So I can’t be too surprised if my loved ones want to pretend my writing doesn’t exist.
Yet, controversy isn’t the only issue with supporting your loved ones. There are many other factors, the first of which being quality. Perhaps they view my writing to be poor and don’t want to attach their name to it. For some, it could be your overpriced product. Or unethically sourced materials. Or it’s in direct competition with someone close to them.
Unfortunately for us, the factors that fuel ‘disbelief’ are endless and complicated.
They don’t want to support you
We can’t expect respect or loyalty if we haven’t earned it. As much as we’ve come to expect this, someone will believe you need to earn your stripes. My writing isn’t the first time I’ve asked my loved ones to support me and I think I’ve worn them out. Support fatigue can build quickly if the dedicated isn’t reciprocated or appreciated.
Have you supported them in the past? We have a right to express frustration to those we’ve backed in the past. But for others we’ve ignored, it’s possible we’re reaping what we sow.
They don’t care about us
We only have so much energy to invest into our life, into people, into the career of others. It isn’t possible for everyone to give the same devotion we have. As much as we want and need it, it isn’t possible to expect that level of commitment from everyone around us.
Sometimes it means they don’t love as much as we love them. And sometimes it doesn’t mean that at all. And some people don’t invest in what you’re doing without reward for them.
How Do We Move On? And Keep Doing What We’re Doing?
I’ve never written for my loved ones to read it. Nor have I ever pursued any business ideas in the hope to make my loved ones happy. I remember who I do this for, my ‘customer’ and me. It’s this relationship I try to focus on when I’m behind the keyboard.
But there is something I’ve learned. Something important to my understanding of the people around me.
Some will be sympathetic to what you do, and others will be empathetic.
There will be people who watch from afar. The people who won’t want to get involved with what you’re doing for fear of what happens to them. They don’t want to get too close to you, or too close to your project. These are the sympathetic people.
The empathetic people are the ones who will get into the bunker with you. They will live and breath the ups and downs of pursuing your dreams. They will back you unconditionally because they live the emotions with you.
Sympathetic people aren’t bad people. And empathetic people aren’t all good either. It’s the nature of how people react to your life and how it collides with yours.
You can’t change the sympathy or empathy of others. You will perish trying. But you can focus on why you pursue your dreams, and keep doing that.
I didn’t start writing to please the loved ones in my life. I did it for me. And that’s what I will continue to do.
I hope you do too.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit : Ellen McRae