Surrender Does Not Mean Giving up Your Truth

Surrender does not mean that you have to surrender everything.

Soon it will be three years since I started my twin flame journey.

In the beginning, I wanted to find someone who was going through the same thing I was.

I wanted to feel that I wasn’t alone.

A psychologist reached out to me and expressed a desire to talk to me.

But after some time, I realized that our communication wasn’t doing me any good.

The things she was saying created a lot of inner conflict for me.

Most of them had to do with taking responsibility for things I felt did not belong to me.

She told me that healing meant not blaming anyone for anything.

But eventually, I felt that instead of helping me heal, I was being psychologically influenced.

Being healed does not mean never blaming anyone.

Being healed means being able to distinguish between your responsibility and someone else’s, and not take on their guilt.

If you believe someone is responsible for something, you have the right to think that.

Healing means accepting a person with their flaws without demanding that they change.

Because their life is their responsibility.

And they have to choose that change for themselves.

I was also being led to believe that surrender meant something like: “I agree with what is being imposed on me.”

I listened to her. That was my responsibility.

But the fact that I listened to someone and trusted them doesn’t mean I have to consider every idea they shared as my truth.

Surrender is something completely different.

When I went into silence, the contradictions between the narratives I had been given and my own beliefs began to reveal themselves on their own.

I didn’t even have to do anything.

Just silence.

Relaxation.

A detox from all the noise.

And writing.

My creativity helps me put all my thoughts in their proper places.

It helps me see what actually belongs to me and what doesn’t.

For me, surrender means stopping the resistance to reality where I cannot control it — and stopping the resistance to myself where I already know what I want.

It is almost like saying to yourself:

“I cannot control his choices.

I don’t have to understand them.

I don’t have to agree with them.

I don’t have to wait for him to change.

I don’t have to go back.

I don’t have to prove that my position is right.

He can choose his life.

I choose mine.

I accept that this exists.

But I do not accept it for myself.”

And when this thought becomes so deeply established in your mind that even in the middle of the night, you repeat it to yourself automatically — then you are already very close to that state.

You can take one step forward and three steps back.

Especially if you have also been subjected to psychological influence, this can happen.

I wrote about how difficult it can be to get out of such a state in my book Under My Skin.

“I do not accept this for myself.”

That last part is especially important.

Because acceptance ≠ agreement.

You can accept that someone else’s point of view is right for them while still having every right not to agree with it.

Surrender ≠ giving up your truth.

Surrender does not mean that you have to surrender everything.

You have to stop fighting your own truth, even when it is uncomfortable and destroys the reality you have built around it.

You don’t have to surrender to reality and sacrifice your truth.

That is a huge difference.

Surrender, for me, means letting go of the fight with the fact that another person has their own will — while at the same time refusing to give that person’s will control over your life.

And that is exactly why the sentence “I can disagree” fits surrender so well.

Because if someone tells you: “In order to let go, you have to accept their choice.”

A more honest way to put it would be: “I accept that this is their choice. But I do not accept that choice as my own.”

And after that, you can actually begin to move forward.

Not because you surrendered.

Not because you gave up.

But because there is no one left to fight.

You simply choose yourself.

And there is no fight in that.

I understood this intellectually first.

But then I had to experience it in my own life.

Surrender doesn’t mean agreeing with what you don’t want.

It means accepting what you cannot control without abandoning your own truth:

“I cannot control someone else’s choices.

I don’t have to understand them.

I don’t have to agree with them.

I don’t have to wait for someone to change.

I don’t have to go back.

I don’t have to prove that my position is right.

They can choose their life.

I can choose mine.

I can accept that something exists without accepting it for myself.

I can disagree.

I can see a situation differently.

I can believe that some choices were wrong.

I can wish someone no harm and still not want anything to do with their choices.

I don’t have to accept someone else’s version of how my life should look.

I don’t have to turn my disagreement into a war.

I can simply say: No. This is not mine. I don’t want this.

And then I can move on.”

Maybe surrender is not giving up.

Maybe it is finally realizing that there is no one left to fight.

There is only a life to choose.

And you are free to choose yours.

If you slow down, remove all the noise, and simply ask yourself: “Who or what am I trying to fight?”

You may realize that twin flames were never supposed to fight each other in the first place.

They were fighting against circumstances.

And perhaps they were never supposed to fight those either.

Because surrender, at least for me, means simply stopping the attempt to fix external circumstances.

Some things exist for a reason, and they will remain until they have fulfilled whatever purpose they have.

When we stop fighting windmills, an incredible amount of energy becomes available for ourselves.

When this happened to me, I couldn’t even imagine how much energy I had actually been wasting.

So much of it had been leaking into meaningless actions.

Now I spend it on creativity.

On creating visuals and writing texts.

Some of them help people. Some of them don’t.

Some of my texts about twin flames are still being saved by people, which means that someone recognizes themselves in them.

And I don’t write for someone.

I write because my creativity fills me.

It makes me happy.

Maybe this is my blessing.

Maybe this is the reward at the end of the journey: to live a life that makes me feel alive.

To live a life where I can simply be happy without any additional conditions.

Maybe the point was never to get someone to choose me.

Maybe it was never to make the circumstances change.

Maybe it was never even to reach some perfect version of myself.

Maybe the real gift is much simpler: To wake up one day and realize that you are already living a life you don’t want to escape from.

A life that belongs to you.

A life that feels like yours.

A life that makes you feel alive.

And maybe that is enough.

Maybe that is more than enough.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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