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The world is changing, and the roles of men are evolving as well. During this new millennium, society has taken a closer look at the classic expectations and behaviors of men. Often this conversation discusses the negative aspects of social expectations of men that can promote aggression, dominance, shame, depression, the stifling of emotions, and other damaging outcomes.
In the wake of this new important conversation, we may overlook the positive ways that men, and fathers especially, can impact those around them through virtuous behaviors. I feel lucky to have learned many incredible lessons from my father’s words and example. Here are four lessons that every father should teach his sons to help cultivate them into strong and positive forces in society.
Resiliency in the Face of Struggle
I can’t think of a single person in my personal life who hasn’t experienced a true struggle of one kind or another. It seems the fate of humans to experience difficulty, and how we respond to those struggles largely dictates our fate in life. Do we bend, or do we break? If we are dealt a shuddering blow, does our foundation remain? Or do we have to start again from nothing?
A powerful and enduring representation our culture repeats in our storytelling is that of the resilient man, one who never gives up in the face of overwhelming adversity. Though this trait can just as easily apply to women, the resilient man offers an important lesson for our young boys—the struggles will come, but if we show resilience and bounce back from them, we can move past them stronger and wiser than ever.
The Virtue of Self-Sacrifice
The concept of male self-sacrifice is a common one in our society. Men are expected to work long hours, fight in wars, and place the needs of their family above their own. My father taught me this lesson through his actions. He sacrificed his money, body, and possessions in order to make our lives as comfortable as possible, and he never mentioned it out loud.
Because of his example, I’ve always strived to be the same type of man. I’ll point out the caveat, however, that it is possible to take self-sacrifice too far and neglect your own needs unnecessarily. Teaching sons to have a healthy balance of self-sacrifice and caring for their own needs will help them grow into happy, humble, and dependable adults.
The Importance of Providing
Even though women now typically play a critical role in providing income for a family, men still also have a responsibility to help take care of their children and spouse. It’s irresponsible for men to not take seriously how important it is for them to help provide for their family if they have one. This means fathers should instill this mindset in their sons early.
The way sons provide for their families can vary greatly. For many, college will be the best avenue for commanding a livable income. For others, entering a trade like truck driving by getting CDL training could become their path to a sustainable career. The ways to abundance are many, but sons should understand how their ability to provide will impact those they love.
How to Manage Emotions
Saying that fathers should teach their sons how to manage emotions may surprise some, as emotional matters aren’t typically known as a male strength. However, fathers can play a critical role in helping their sons to navigate powerful emotions more adeptly than we have shown in the past. With depression, suicide, and other mental disorders continuing to rise, our young men need us to do better, to provide the example and guidance to handle emotions in a productive and healthy way.
We understand better than ever how the typical male axiom of never showing vulnerability or pain causes untold agony in the long term, so we should break this cycle by challenging our old assumptions of what true strength is. True strength doesn’t mean you never struggle or feel pain—true strength is the ability to experience those hurdles, reflect on them and their lessons, and then continue forward with that gained knowledge.
Even if many classic expectations of men have shown their cracks, there are still incredible lessons that fathers can teach their sons to help make the next generation even better than the last. We don’t have to discard everything in order to progress forward. We can incorporate our new lessons into the best parts of what we have already created.
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