Narcissists, my friends, are typically very, very good at appearing to be the color we want.
Teaching Pigs to Sing
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
Is It Time to Stop Using the Term Codependent?
Wounded people attract narcissists, and their innate codependency is what keeps the target stuck.
Wounded people attract narcissists, and their innate codependency is what keeps the target stuck.
The Narcissist’s Prayer
Not that they would have one, because they believe they are entitled to all of it — attention, accolades, accomplishments.
Not that they would have one, because they believe they are entitled to all of it — attention, accolades, accomplishments.
Taking Responsibility for Things That Are Not Ours
It’s no more enlightened, good, moral, “aware,” etc. to take responsibility for things that you did not source than it is to avoid responsibility for things that you did.
It’s no more enlightened, good, moral, “aware,” etc. to take responsibility for things that you did not source than it is to avoid responsibility for things that you did.
How Narcissists Use the Rule of Reciprocity to Manipulate You
The Rule of Reciprocity (RoR) is a a powerful social norm that says that if someone does something for you, you tend to feel obligated to return the favor.
The Rule of Reciprocity (RoR) is a a powerful social norm that says that if someone does something for you, you tend to feel obligated to return the favor.
Cognitive Traps of the Toxic Relationship
Connecting with other targets of abuse and hearing their stories is a great way to loosen the bonds of a cognitive trap.
Connecting with other targets of abuse and hearing their stories is a great way to loosen the bonds of a cognitive trap.
Sorry HR, but Please Don’t Send Me Your Narcissist to Coach
The more of a snake they are, the less likely any sort of intervention will turn them into a kitten.
The more of a snake they are, the less likely any sort of intervention will turn them into a kitten.
Is It Fighting, or Is It Abuse?
I find this interesting to poke into and I generally ask them to tell me more about the interaction.
I find this interesting to poke into and I generally ask them to tell me more about the interaction.
Why Narcissists Can’t Change: The Broken Mug Metaphor
One of the most painful things to face if you’re in relationship with a highly narcissistic person is the extreme (and I mean extreme) unlikelihood that they will change.
One of the most painful things to face if you’re in relationship with a highly narcissistic person is the extreme (and I mean extreme) unlikelihood that they will change.
Three Ways to Deal With the Narcissist on the Energetic Level
Sometimes the narcissist seems to have everything under their control on the human level, leaving us feeling stuck, paralyzed and at a complete loss as to what to do.
Sometimes the narcissist seems to have everything under their control on the human level, leaving us feeling stuck, paralyzed and at a complete loss as to what to do.
When the Narcissist Expects You to Be Their Emotional Support Animal
Good relationships don’t involve one person being the other’s on-call therapist / coach / security blanket.
Good relationships don’t involve one person being the other’s on-call therapist / coach / security blanket.
Three Lesser-Known Ways You Can Be Love Bombed
We can all be loved bombed without knowing it, and a clever narcissist will figure out just what you most crave.
We can all be loved bombed without knowing it, and a clever narcissist will figure out just what you most crave.
When the Narcissist Ignores Your Boundaries
Anyone who has ever dealt with a narcissist in any context (family, work, intimate relationship) knows that boundaries are essential.
Anyone who has ever dealt with a narcissist in any context (family, work, intimate relationship) knows that boundaries are essential.
The Art of Love
When working in the arena of relational trauma the subject of love comes up all the time.
When working in the arena of relational trauma the subject of love comes up all the time.
Your Strategy Doesn’t Have to Be Your Destiny
All children need to figure out how to get the attention and approval needed to survive.
All children need to figure out how to get the attention and approval needed to survive.